The cost of weddings and the stress of paying for them is definitely one of the worst parts. In my case it was the parents and in laws who had the worst falling out about it. I contributed as much as I felt I could reasonably afford, but it was deemed to be enough but I didn’t want a big traditional white wedding and my opinion was that if I have to go through with it I’m not bankrupting myself in the process.
My now husband spent all his life savings on it and in my opinion this was not a sensible use of that money.
I regret not standing up more for my opinions at the beginning of planning, but it is quite hard to change plans once they have booked and deposits paid.
Falling out over money is never worth it (unless you make yourself homeless in the processs, or there are similar dire consequences!) sometimes you have money, sometimes you don’t BUT one can always get more money. It’s one of the most easily replaceable things in the world.
Weddings are supposed to be happy, joyful occasions. Mine was completely ruined by the politics of organising, hosting and yes, paying for it and it really wasn’t worth the stress. Most of me wishes I had insisted we eloped, that would be far more romantic.
Ok, you said you would save but now can’t, he’s about to be your husband and you should be able to talk rationally about a solution to the problem. Can you spend less overall maybe? If he for some strange reason insists you still contribute £5000, why can’t he lend it to you and you pay back what you can’t afford to save now after you’re married and then you pay it back in instalments.
If you can’t come to a happy agreement now maybe it’s best you don’t enter a formal are arrangement to spend the rest of your lives together.