Advice on falling out with my dad!

RomanticGoldHair33709
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  • Posted: 10 Mar 2019 0:56

    Advice on falling out with my dad!

    Hi,  

    Just wanted a little bit of advice just to check I'm not overreacting over a situation. My dad and I have never been really close, but close enough I wanted him to eventually walk me down the aisle. 

    When I turned 18, I got into a relationship with a local guy who worked in our corner shop (we live in a small village)  and after a few weeks together,  I stayed over at his and we slept together.  I told my mum about it as we are really close and it was my first time.  My dad went off his head and told me not to come home until he'd left for work because he couldn't stand to look at me,  I was disgusting for sleeping with the first man to pay me attention,  I was irresponsible and I was hypocritical being a youth worker advising young girls when I gave my body away so easily without discussing it first.  Can I just point out,  I was 18, I was sober and I'd known this guy for months.  

    Fast forward a few years and I'm engaged to a wonderful man (not the guy previously mentioned) and my dad has never been pleased about the relationship as it meant me moving out of the family home and looking after the house and my younger brothers a lot less.  After nearly two years together of my dad making snide remarks,  despite my fiances best efforts,  my dad said he was happy for us and offered to pay for our honeymoon.  This was a massive step forward after how he'd treated the thought of my relationship. 

    He sent me a link this week to a deal he had been looking at for our honeymoon and I noticed he'd theoretically booked a twin room which I questioned him about.  He said if it was an issue,  we could push the beds together.  I laughed and said we're on honeymoon,  I'd prefer a double room and was happy to pay extra if price was the issue.  A few days after this conversation,  I am with my mum who slips up and tells me that he's angry about that and he'd told her he didn't want to book a double room because "he knows I'd drop my knickers for any man that gave me the opportunity and that's what the honeymoon is all about". She then told me that he didn't want my fiance with me later this year when I dogsat for them because he didn't trust me not to have sex with him in their bed and my two little brothers beds! 

    Understandably,  I'm really upset about this. He speaks to me and about me as if I'm the town whore,  which is unfair because I've only ever slept with three men. My first boyfriend when I was 18, a guy I had a short fling with the summer after my relationship ended,  and my husband to be.  My dad knows this.  I would never dream of doing anything in my family home with my fiancé, let alone the bed in which my little brother sleeps.  

    Anyway,  I've told him that we will pay for our honeymoon if that's how he feels and he can use the money he put aside for it to pay for a dog sitter instead of having me stay there when they go on holiday. He thinks I'm being petty and childish and I'm creating a drama out of nothing. 

    Do you think I'm overreacting? How would you feel if someone said this about you? Just so upset to have this fallout with him. I don't even think I want him walking me down the aisle and doing the traditional speech,  he's hurt me that much.  Is he the one out of order or am I too upset about this? 

  • Posted: 11 Mar 2019 9:51

    Re: Advice on falling out with my dad!

    Oh my lovely you poor thing. Your dad is disgraceful!!! Nobody should ever speak about their children like that and even if they were his private views your children have got to learn from their own situations and mistakes. I’m so sorry you are facing this. I can’t offer any particular constructive advice but just know you are not over reacting in this situation x

  • Posted: 12 Mar 2019 6:49

    Re: Advice on falling out with my dad!

    He sounds like a total dick. I wouldn’t want him anywhere near my wedding let alone walking me down the aisle. He’s your dad, why is your sex life any of his business?

    are you in some kind of religious cult or something?

  • Posted: 12 Mar 2019 8:49

    Re: Advice on falling out with my dad!

    RomanticGoldHair33709:
    Anyway,  I've told him that we will pay for our honeymoon if that's how he feels and he can use the money he put aside for it to pay for a dog sitter instead of having me stay there when they go on holiday.

    I really think you should stick to your guns on this. If he ends up booking a holiday, just don't accept it. I wouldn't give him any control over my life.

    I don't think you are over-reacting at all, I would be fuming, and certainly wouldn't want someone like that walking me down the aisle, however, that is ultimately your decision. 

    Please don't let him make you feel bad about yourself

    RomanticGoldHair33709:
    I would never dream of doing anything in my family home with my fiancé, let alone the bed in which my little brother sleeps.  

    I get the bit about your brother's bed, but why shouldn't you if you are in a guest room and doing them a favour?! I can kind of understand his thoughts if he is deeply religious, but if he is then he should be encouraging it once you're married, after all isn't procreation the whole reason for marriage according to the bible?! (I should add at this point, I am not religious and deeply skeptical of the whole thing!) 

    I think your dad has some deep-seated issues, if it was me, I would avoid him altogether. 

    Good luck lovely. X

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