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Beginner May 2018

advice needed...

BlossomKatie1993, 12 of December of 2017 at 21:32 Posted on Planning 0 2

Hi all,

so this seems to be a very common thing as I have seen in previous posts, but here we go.

I picked my three closest friends as my bridesmaids. Two of them are absolute gems and I dont know what id do without them, but the other one has turned out to be quite a toxic person. I've been friends with her since I was 14 and we were inseparable for so long, but as I've grown up, I realised that there are some traits of hers that I really can't get on with. She *** about her friends all the time (which makes me wonder what she says about me), and its like she can't be happy for other people. Her and her partner (who is also a groomsman at my wedding - him and my fiance are close) just seem to be bitter about everything, and are very jealous people who tend to hate it when the attention is not on them. They moved away a while back and since then never make the effort and I dont even talk to my her anymore - only when theres an occasion. They can be very nasty towards their friends and I just think they give off such negative energy.

They asked us to be bridesmaid and groomsman at their wedding. It stressed me out so much, but we decided to go for it, as we didn't have the heart or the guts to say no, and besides, we did still love them.

Once we got engaged shortly after, I suppose we did the cowardly thing and asked them to be a part of our wedding too, as we thought it was only fair. at first we were glad that we made the decision and hoped that it might bring us all closer, but they have been awful friends and I know deep down that they arent really even that happy for us. I think our friendship has been running on habit, and me and my fiance have said that once the wedding is over, we probably wont be friends anymore.

It is really sad, that we will be spending all this money on them and they will be such a huge part of our big day, when deep down, we know the friendship isnt the same - in fact, we are even worried that they will be negative towards our wedding day in bitterness.

Its completely our fault for asking them as bridesmaid and groomsman, and there's no going back now i know - i can't dump them, but has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice on how I can get through it without feeling so stressed?

We do love them but they are too toxic and its such a shame!

2 replies

Latest activity by qwertystarr, 10 of January of 2018 at 20:48
  • Laura Ellen Photography
    Beginner May 2014
    Laura Ellen Photography ·
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    This is a toughy and your post is screaming the answer. Ultimately, you've got to answer why you're keeping them in such an important day...YOUR day. If you want them there with every inch of your being, then go with it. We had similar when my husband's sister (bridesmaid) started with some drama (her drama not ours I might add and it was taking over)...he sacked her! We were both so worried and could pre-empt how the day would go, but we had to have the people that we knew would do anything for us and be awesome too. Yes, it was a bit messy and she didn't talk to us for quite a while, but this was OUR wedding day. It's all blown over now. You've got once chance to make it awesome!

    Go with your heart and be trust yourself!

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  • qwertystarr
    qwertystarr ·
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    This sounds like a similar situation I’m in, but I haven’t asked my friend to have any part of my wedding. Ive used her wedding as an excusal, that she will be too busy and it’s best if she’s just a guest.

    I also said to my fiancé that once we’re married I want to phase her out.

    Remeber it’s your big day, is there no way you can tell her that you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid? Don’t forget shes going to be in the line up and in the photos. Even if you don’t keep in touch with her, you may look back and regret having her in the photos

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