When your wedding venue is not feasible but your heart is set on it

Congratulations on your engagement!

I’m sure lots of other people will say the same thing, but set your budget BEFORE you do any research, otherwise you are going to end up loving things which are just out of reach.

By all means use media platforms for inspiration, but remember, most of what you see is staged to some degree, and everyone’s budgets/style/income is different.

The thing about destination weddings, particularly if they are abroad, is not only the cost and stress to you of dealing with suppliers remotely, but the cost to your guests. Not everyone can afford a gift, new outfit AND at least a weekend of travel. Same goes for foreign trips for hen/stag do’s.

Budgeting is totally unglamorous, and can be a bit of a painful reality check, but it will save you lots of heartache and sleepless nights in the long run.

Be totally honest with yourself and each other, what are your priorities, your non negotiable things and what can you compromise, scale back or skimp on?

Hope this helps a bit,

cheers

Ali

I agree - budgets are very unromantic, but highly necessary, and need to be put in place before you do ANYTHING else!

Re the venue you've already fallen in love with - for one, it might not have looked as good in real life as online - many things don't. And if it's not available, just refuse to think about it.

I think it also helps to focus on the real reason you're getting married - your commitment to each other. It's so easy to get sucked into needing the 'perfect' venue, dress, theme, flowers, programmes etc, etc, but at the end of the day, these are just the trimmings on the cake - the cake being the start of your future together as a married couple. So yes, it's lovely to have a dream 'something' as part of your wedding day, but in the overall scheme of things, it's not that important compared to your relationship.

One last though re regret - Someone sent me a photo of a wedding dress which I adored on sight, but which was 4 times my max budget. I refused to keep looking at it, and every time I thought about it, I switched my thoughts. Eventually, I stopped thinking about it - and the same dress popped up in an internet ad last week, and you know what - I didn't even like it that much anymore!

Hi LB!

Congrats on your engagement!

I’m also backing the budget advice! Keep that in mind when you look online and discount any that are above your budget. Go to their price lists first if they’re available online

We did our internet research on venues and had a list ready to make appointments and view. For our venue, we liked it online but when we actually got to the place, the feeling we both got, we knew it was the one. You might find your search is the same, once we can all get out and about again and you get to visit places in person. They’re always different in real life

What I found in my experience too, was that I’d have a ‘definite idea’ of what I wanted and then further research, ideas and chats with my fiancé would change that idea over time to morph into something else that not only works better, but suits us as a couple more. If you don’t already, keep little notes of what you’re picturing now and once you get deeper into the planning, you can see how/if your vision has evolved over time.

Hope that helps and good luck to you both in this crazy time!!

x gnome

Congratulations on your engagement. I would also add it helps to write a list of guests so you have approximate ideas of numbers as not all venues will have the same capacity. My venue had a deal 75 adult guests, top table decoration, four course meal including coffee, tablecloths, place cards, table plan, bridal dressing room, choice of up to four canapés while guests are waiting for the photos, choice of four sandwich fillings or hot rolls for the evening, break room, PlayStation for the children, piper and DJ for the evening for £6,500. You could also add extra adults and children for a charge.

Thank you very much for all the kind replies ladies! ?

I think I got caught up in the excitement of the wedding and really lost my focus. My biggest issue was that I took Pinterest and Instagram as real goals instead of viewing each photograph as inspiration. I also didn't set of a budget and didn't break down each component of the wedding.

I now look at pictures and ask myself what I like about them and how I can incorporate it to the wedding. Like a few of you suggested, keeping a budget firmly in mind is helping me keep my expectations in check ?

Set your budget and try and keep within it. Whats the point of this shiny new car if you cant afford the steering wheel or seats?

Weddings often go over budget as you get closer you end up buying more little bits that all add up. You need to be able to decorate it as you like, offer the food and little bits you want to make it special and of course the photo and video to actually remember and show off what you did (little plug there).

The venue cost is by far one of the biggest things you will spend on.

Or, wait and save for longer.

One thing we found very helpful was to decide on the maximum number of guests we wanted and to book a venue that could only take that number. It really took the pressure off when family or friends started asking if other people could come, as we genuinely couldn't fit any more people in!

Also, if budget is an issue don't be afraid to think outside the box. We got a third off the cost of our photographer because we booked a midweek wedding, and we booked a pretty country pub which was 1/3 of the cost of local 'wedding venues' and every bit as lovely, but doesn't come with the 'wedding package' charges!!!

I agree with everyone on the budget advice but my thought also is you need to see these places in person first. Instagram and Pinterest will only ever show the venue’s ‘best side’ but once you go and see it and get a feel for the place what you thought was your dream venue may change.

I know it’s difficult with Covid to be able to see venues but I’d wait before putting any deposits down on a venue until you can see if in person. I’m getting married in Portugal (next year now!) and when I was originally looking at venues I too was dead set on this amazing castle by the sea. Looked stunning but when we went to see it, yes it was stunning, but there were a lot of restrictions on what you could and couldn’t do in this place. We also found that the venue was a bit too grand for us and didn’t suit our personalities or who we are as a couple, so in the end we picked for our last choice as it happens! The venue was simple and beautiful and reflected who we are as a couple.

So my advice is budget, don’t get caught up in highly styled photos on Insta and Pinterest, go and see them in person if you can. It’s also the fun bit of wedding planning and something to look forward to!

Hi LB

my other top tip for any sort of venue is.....

LOOK AT THE SKIRTING BOARDS!

I know this might sound nuts, but bear with me. I have always used this as a cleanliness and maintenance barometer. If the skirting boards are dirty and/or shabby and neglected, it shows a lack of attention to detail which more than likely permeates through the business.

Obviously, use this with other information to gain a full picture.

This is was something my tutors instilled in me when I was a student Nursery Nurse, and its never failed me yet.

Cheers and happy VE Day!

Ali