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Beginner October 2019

Hen party at home?

ExpensivePinkBridesmaid40725, 1 of August of 2019 at 17:32 Posted on Planning 0 6

Hi everyone, I'm new here and need some advice.

I don't have many friends and my hen do is going to consist of probably 10-12 people, all of whom I'm very close too - mostly family.

I'm not really a "night out" person but I kind of felt pressured to do that as everyone seemed to think that's what I would do so I panic-booked an apartment in Chester. It was non-refundable and I only booked it as I didn't want to be stuck with no accomodation. Anyway, I decided this wasn't for me a few months later, mainly when I realised I was getting NO help from my BMs with planning and also because not all my friends know eachother and I didn't want to be stuck with the awkwardness of making sure everyone mingles.

So then I thought, I'll just do something at home and have loads of daft games, cocktail making etc. I thought about hiring a hot tub, like a proper one not inflatable. Then we could have a beach themed party on autumn. Has anyone else thrown a hen party at home? Does this sound like a good idea? I'm sure my hens would like it but I don't want anyone to be bored.

I've also lost one of my bridesmaids as she promised me the earth when I first got engaged, saying she would butolan s my hen etc. She had a baby in January, made lots of mummy friends on an app and long story short she didn't have any interest in the wedding at all or me as a friend for that matter since she found these new friends that she has lots in common with. I gave her an out and she took it without hesitation. Now she's gone and the onus isn't on her for planning, my sister in law has stepped up in helping and I'm sure she would help with anything I asked her as she is that kind of person. But I do feel like I'm on this alone, and it gets me down. I feel like I shouldn't have to ask my BMs for help but everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't have to plan my own hen so what should I do?

6 replies

Latest activity by LuxuriousGreenHair66000, 10 of August of 2019 at 15:07
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    Dedicated June 2019
    LuxuriousPurpleBridesmaid73066 ·
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    I lost a bridesmaid too in slightly different circumstances and I felt alone too. My one remaining bridesmaid is a wonderful person but between work, husband and kids as well she had a lot on. I told her what I wanted and she booked it and roped her husband in to helping her thread masks of my husband which they were all wearing when I arrived. We all went for dinner and then cocktails. Most of my lot didn’t know each other either so dinner and cocktails helped people relax. It may be a case of telling your sister in law what you want and letting her do the booking.

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    Rockstar June 2020
    HappyBlueCars582 ·
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    Why should our bridesmaids have to organise or do anything?! It our choice to get married so it’s up to us to organise it all, including the hen do! All a bridesmaid should have to do is come to a couple of dress fittings then turn up on the day. Job done! Free time is precious and I’d never expect anyone to give up their free time to organise something for me. We’re already marrying the person of our dreams. Is that not enough without expecting everyone else in our lives to run about after us?!

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    Beginner October 2019
    ExpensivePinkBridesmaid40725 ·
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    I think you should have read my post properly....my then bridesmaid OFFERED to help plan my hen, and actually got over the top excited about it and then just didn't. Hence why I'm asking for advice.

    Also quoting myself "everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't have to plan my own hen"....I didn't say that I think that it has to be done for me? That is what people tell me.

    Sorry, I was under the impression this was a forum for advice not ridicule.

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    Beginner October 2019
    ExpensivePinkBridesmaid40725 ·
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    That sounds like a great idea, I'm quite set on having it at home to be honest due to having anxiety but I will see!

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    Expert September 2019
    Have_you_met_Mrs_Jones2019 ·
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    I'm sorry to hear your friend has let you down that sucks.

    Regarding the whole 'who should plan your hen do' thing, to be honest the hen do was the one thing I did expect of my bridesmaids. I'm already planning a wedding for 100 people, buying them outfits, gifts, flowers and paying for meals for them their children and partners, and I've not asked them to do anything else. If they couldn't make time to do one nice thing for me, I would have been gutted.

    As it was, I was lucky - I would have been happy with a night down the local, but they organised an epic weekend, which I loved!

    I've also been a BM for one of mine, and I went all out to give her an awesome hen do, and was constantly asking her if I could help with any wedding stuff. A bridesmaid is typically a close friend - they should WANT to help!

    I think your idea for the beach themed home party sounds awesome, if you have time to organise it go for it!

    I would maybe say to your remaining BM's that you have this idea in mind and you appreciate that they are busy, but would they be able to help you. It's ok to ask for help. If they genuinely can't that's fine - 2 of my bridesmaids are new mums and work as teachers, so I knew they wouldn't have much time, but the other girls pulled together, and everyone did what they could. But definitely ask them.

    Hope this helps! X

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    Rockstar June 2020
    HappyBlueCars582 ·
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    At what point did I “ridicule” you?

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    Savvy August 2021
    LuxuriousGreenHair66000 ·
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    A home hen party sounds a great idea, you could do fun hen parties or Amercan bridal shower games etc. You could do exactly what you want. I would tell my sister that that's what I want and then let her plan the games etc, since the bride does not usually plan her hen. They won't mind at all (or a try least they shouldn't!).

    I'm sorry about you friend. It's sad but people move on. You are not alone: forget her and focus on your existing bridesmaids and your sister Smiley smile

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