Pre wedding blues

Could it be because your wedding is in December? I'm assuming your guests and bridesmaids have known for a while when it is but unfortunately December is a very busy and expensive time for people with Christmas and attending a wedding is very expensive for guests. Maybe they simply can't afford to come as well as pay for Christmas presents. I would have thought your bridesmaids would still want to organise a hen do for you. Has anything happened between you and the bridesmaids to make them not want to organise one for you?

Honestly your planning experience sounds a lot like mine. I think the main thing is to try and remember that yes, other people might have had big fancy hen do's or picture perfect things, but you only get to see the positive bits. They probably didn't share the tantrums, the failures and the compromises they had to make to achieve them.

The main thing that's getting me through this is the fact that at the end of the day, I will be married to the love of my life. Nothing else matters that much. If people don't turn up, or don't want to come, then **** them. Focus on what's most important to you, hopefully it'll put everything else into perspective. And look on the bright side, the fewer people that come, the cheaper it is for you!

I also agree with the other comment that December is maybe an awkward time for people, so try not to be too upset if they can't make it. You could always ask people why they can't make it if you're bothered, but be prepared for an answer you might not like.

Anyway I'm sure you'll have a wonderful day, just keep focusing on what's important - you starting a new chapter in your life with the love of your life.

Totally agree with Informal Bride. Don't lose sight of what the day is all about. It's a union between you and your other half. Hen days/nights are usually over rated and not great anyway! There's always at least one argument and one girl crying in the corner!

I know that the most important thing about the day is that I will be marrying the person I love, I just don't feel like I have any friends which then makes me question why anyone would want to marry me as there is obviously something fundamentally wrong with me if people don't want anything to do with me. The fact that no one can bothered to organise a hen do ardor want to attend it just adds to these feelings.

We appreciate December was going to be a bit awkward and for that reason we sent save the dates 2 years in advance and the full invitations 9 months beforehand so that people had enough time to budget and/or plan for it.

I guess I just imagined how it was all going to go, including the hen do and the wedding itself and reality hasn't lived up to that and I just wonder why I can't have the friendships and fun times that everyone else has.

You're getting married to your best friend! You don't need anyone else! I don't have a lot of friends either but I don't let it bother me. The few I have are good ones. Try to cheer up and enjoy the day with those who do make the effort to come and don't dwell on this. You'll only make yourself feel worse!

Awww I really feel for you. I can imagine how disappointing it feels when so many who have said they would come, have now backed out.

Personally, I do feel that a major happy event in your life sorts out your true friends, as much as a sad event does. The people who will be there to celebrate with you are the ones who you should focus your onward attentions on. Like you say, they had enough notice - the important ones are going to be there, and the others are maybe not the friends you thought they were.

So, I think one way of looking at it is to think "**** 'em" - this helps you sort the wheat from the chaff. Going on in your married life, you will know who deserves your loyalty and friendship.

Instead of worrying about who won't be there, think about who will be there, and maybe now spend the money you have saved on some extra special touches, or a more fancy honeymoon?

As for the future - get out and meet some new people. Go on Meetup, find some interest groups, and build your self-esteem. Get some new friends who would be deserving to celebrate your future happy occasions.

Hey! I just want to say you're not alone It looks like I'm not having a hen do either now. My maid of honour is pretty useless at that sort of thing, and doesn't really know any of my other friends, so I always kind of assumed that I would have to organise my own hen do, but I was so stressed out about sorting the wedding that I kept putting off planning a hen, and now it's only a couple of months off and all my friends have booked up pretty much every weekend between now and the wedding with their own housewarming parties and other random parties and no one has even asked me about a hen do (even my maid of honour...) so I guess I'm just not having one. Sometimes when I'm in town and I see hen parties out and about I do feel a bit sad, but then again a lot of people say they're overrated, so there's that... Also I just remind myself how stressful I've been finding the wedding planning, and then I just feel grateful that I don't have a hen to plan for on top of that! Also my fiancé's best man invited about 30 people to his stag do, and only 5 turned up. I suppose he's doing better than us (!) but still, I did feel pretty sad for him, because he's the sort of person who puts so much effort into keeping in contact with his friends including loads of travel to visit them all, and I just felt like they weren't returning the favour.

As for the wedding RSVPs, it is pretty rubbish tbh given how long in advance you sent the invites. Even though people are preparing for Christmas and stuff in December, they had more than enough time to make arrangements to fit your wedding in too. However, I have read in several places that when planning a wedding or any other event you should always account for the fact that a fair proportion won't be able to come. 40% is on the low side, but it's not disastrous. I think we've got about 60% of our invited guests coming. Looking on the bright side, I've been to some weddings lately that only had 40-50 guests and they were really lovely! You can have a really lovely atmosphere with a smaller number of people, also you will know that you are spending the day with the people who did care enough to make an effort, so make the most of enjoying your day with them and try not to think too much about the ones who couldn't be bothered. And maybe it's time to reassess how much effort you put into certain friendships... But don't feel like it's just you.