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Beginner March 2020

Help please! Grandma problems

HollyHavisham, 11 of January of 2018 at 21:37 Posted on Planning 0 4

Hello all! I'm going you can advise.

Our wedding is set for March 2020 but I'm already having sleepless nights about my grandma (mum's side) Long story short, my parents are divorced and my maternal grandma has a deeply rooted vendetta against my dad. My dad has a new fiancé (this is absolutely fine with everyone else in my family) however, despite having never met my dad's fiancé, my grandma refers to her as a 'trollop' and other such nasty words. I KNOW my dad won't say anything to my grandma to cause a scene at the wedding, but I KNOW my grandma will have no problem marching up to my dad and his partner and screaming at them. I've spoken to my grandma about it, and she said 'oh I won't cause a scene, I'll just politely ask how him and his little Trollope are' and she laughed. I know she will do this. I am absolutely certain. She will not listen to anything anyone has to say about it. What do I do?

Secondly, when I was about seven, my grandma won this hideous cheap China doll dressed as a bride in a raffle. I've never liked it. It's about 2 foot tall with dark brown ringlet curls (my hair is ginger and wavy so it doesn't even look anything like me). But since she got it, she's gone on and on about having it standing next to my cake at my wedding. Now I'm engaged, she won't stop talking about it. I've tried to gently say that it won't really go with the venue or the theme, and even that it doesn't look like me, but she refuses to listen. I know it's silly but I will be deeply upset and embarrassed if I have to have that thing standing next to my cake.

Advice please? I'm worried sick!

4 replies

Latest activity by SasenachBride, 24 of January of 2018 at 12:56
  • D
    Beginner June 2019
    Durhamchance ·
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    Omg what a nightmare!

    Could you speak to your mum and see if she can have a word? That China doll sounds awful, can you borrow a toddler to play a bit rough with it?

    Joking aside, you probably need to have a sterner word with her yourself, explaining that it will not be acceptable for her to say anything out of line to your father and that you will not be having the doll there. This is the biggest day of your life and what you say goes.

    Hopefully she’ll realise that it’s not suitable behaviour and act like the proud grandmother she should be.

    Good luck x

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  • Peter
    Peter ·
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    Tell her that if she really loves YOU, then she will curb her attitudes on the day to avoid potentially ruining your wedding experience. What has happened in the past with your dad is history...your relationship with your hubby is the future.....dont taint it by a bad memory of her comments on your special day....

    Peter

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  • B
    Beginner July 2018
    Blondie_bride ·
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    As the other posters have said I think a sterner word is needed.

    I would also rope other family members to help deal with this on the day. If she brings the doll i'd have someone on standby to take it from her or knock it off the wedding cake table ?

    If she says anything to your Dad, someone to immediately pull her up on the same and nip any argument in the bud. xx

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  • H
    Beginner October 2018
    HappyBrownDecor18059 ·
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    For the doll I would be tempted to do something like say "Oh, that sounds wonderful! Let me take it so I can take it to the venue beforehand when we're setting up" Then, on the day, "oh no!!!! What a shame! I left the doll at home! Oh well, never mind". Alternatively... if t's really important to her then take a photo of it next to the cake really early on when guests are still arriving - just to keep her happy, then have someone whip it away quickly and hide it.

    As for her causing a scene... If, as you say, people have already spoken to her sternly and she still insists on causing a scene there's not much you can do apart from uninvite her (which I assume you don't want to do) or just rely on your dad to grin and bear it, and apologise to his fiancé in advance and tell her not to take it personally. My mum always used to say a wedding's not a wedding without a good fight... these things do happen unfortunately, it doesn't necessarily have to ruin the day. It might be one of those things that turns into a funny story you can laugh about later. Also, if she does actually start screaming maybe the venue staff could have a word/threaten to remove her... some people respond better to strangers than to family.

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  • S
    Curious October 2019
    SasenachBride ·
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    Are you close to her? Could you imagine the day without her?

    I made the decision not to invite my Grandad or my sister to my wedding because I know they'll make a scene and I don't want or need the added stress from worrying about how they'll act.

    Even if you can't imagine your wedding without your Grandma, maybe threatening to not invite her will hit home that you're serious, you don't want the doll or a scene

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