Bridesmaid dilemena

Well, firstly stop judging her eating habits and letting it stress you. Yes she shouldn't have asked for a dress so much smaller, as it creates unnecessary pressure to lose weight and makes one less likely to lose in the long run. I would never make a promise like that, especially knowing how much easier it is to take a dress in than let it out. But her body size is what it is now and comments like "she doesn't stop eating" will help nobody.

Now. What type of dress is it? Is there any stretch? Where exactly does it need letting out, or is it everywhere? (eg I'm an 18 and a 14 dress might fit my hips, but would definitely not fit my boobs and waist.) Have you had a look at the inside seams to see if there is much extra material to work with?

Hiya,

Sorry you're feeling stressed about this. I know it's far easier to take a dress in that let it out as there usually isn't much material in the seams to make a dress any bigger. Have you spoken to your BM about it? I would do this sooner rather than later. Be honest with her and say you're worried about the dress fitting and so close to the wedding you cannot afford to get a new dress.

x

It's difficult to say without seeing the dress. Is there some give? does it need letting out everywhere? They might be able to do it but it depends on the dress and how it currently fits your BM.

Have you spoken to her about who will be paying for the alterations. Personally, i think that should be her. It's not wise to give someone the wrong dress size and unfortunately I think she should pay the price.

What will happen if it cannot be altered? What is she going to do then? She has made a mistake but it's her mistake. She'll either have to get her own dress in the correct size or she'll have to step down knowing she's really upset you.

That's not a nice position to be in and i'm sure she's very upset about it. Try to give her some slack, although i guess that's hard as you're upset as you've done what she wanted and it's backfired.

I agree with CBeckford and halloweeny, i would speak to her about it and ask her what are the options ( i.e., take it out, her not being a bridesmaid if the dress can not be altered etc) If you really really want her involved and you say it is no longer in the store could you try contacting the manufacturer of the dress to see if they have any in a larger size? or try looking for one on ebay? I would make her pay for it regardless of the scenario and explain that she said she would loose weight to fit in the dress and she hasn't and you can't afford to buy a new one so can she assist.

What a shame, hindsight is a wonderful thing but probably would have been better to get the bigger size and take it in than vice versa, but you were only following your BM advice which is a shame for you. From reading some of the posts on this forum i would be reluctant to hand the dress over to her and let her take it anywhere for alterations without you being present so you know exactly what is being done to the dress and are happy with it.

Yes she was silly to ask for a dress so much smaller but it's done now.

Could you have a corset back put in to give a bit more room?

Also as ID says it depends where it doesn't fit her. I'm a 12 but chest wise I'd get in a 10 but waist I wouldn't.

I can understand why this is stressing you out. However, I agree with ID. Body issues are such complex things. Im a size 18 and generally always have been. It may sound crazy to you but perhaps she just cant bring herself to say out loud that she's a size 24. I know that doesn't help you but perhaps it may explain the situation. As for letting out, I would think that there is unlikely to be that much give on the seams, however, the idea of a corset back could work.

To be honest we have been friends for years and we have both always struggled with our weight together. I am a size 18, we have always been open with each other about our weight. By no means would I want to make anyone feel bad about their weight as I am not like that in any way.

The dress would need to be taken out at the top, to be honest I hadn,t thought of the corset idea at the back so that is something that I could suggest.

Oh dear. I can see why you're frustrated. Weight can be such a complex topic and difficult to handle. I am a size 18 as well, and I swore to myself when I bought my dress three months ago that I would lose some weight. I still have about 3 1/2 months till our wedding and 2 till the first fitting but so far I haven't lost any weight at all. Luckily my dress fits me perfectly, only needs taken in a little at the top and it's a little too long.

I think your bridesmaid made a mistake asking you to order a smaller size, especially 3 sizes smaller, knowing how difficult it is to make a dress bigger. Because of how my body is built, depending on the dress, I can get away with a size smaller, but 3 sizes is a lot. (But then, with my wedding dress I actually had to go up a size, because of how wedding dress sizes work).

I do think you need to bring up with her the fact that she asked you to order this size. I also think that she should pay at least for a part of the alterations.

I would try to avoid actually bringing up her eating habits though. She was probably full of good intentions and planned to lose weight but I think everyone who's tried to lose weight knows it's harder than you might think and good intentions aren't enough. I imagine she will be even more disappointed by herself anyway.

Just make the best of the situation and see if you can have the dress made bigger. Maybe also see if there is a larger size for sale on ebay?

What a nightmare but don't stress - as others have said, it's entirely sortable!

Ring around to find a seamstress and when you find one you're happy with, get down there with friend and dress and explore the corset back option. Where are you based? People on here might be able to recommend a seamstress not far from you.

Worst comes to the worst and the dress can't be altered or a larger size located on Ebay, you could always ask her to fork out for a new similar dress that will tone in with your other two bridesmaids. I always think mismatched bridesmaids look really cool.