Missing dad at wedding

Hi and welcome. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

You will miss your dad at your wedding, there's nothing you can do that will change what is, but it will still be the most wonderful day of your life and you will enjoy it, promise, not lea\st because you will be very very busy. I'm sure you'll shed a tear on the day - I lost my mum nearly a year ago so know I will blub like crazy on my wedding day - but it will be a happy day because Mum was so happy at me getting married. It's still quite raw for us but you never stop missing a lost parent so don't try to. But do make sure you enjoy your day - it is what they would have wanted - cliched I know, but true.

What Pammy says is true, you will most likely have a moment and get upset about your dad. My Dad died 14 months before my wedding and while I missed him incredibly, and had a few tears before I went down the aisle the rest of the time I just enjoyed the day. It doesn't mean you miss them any less. Enjoy your day, I'm sure it's what your Dad would have wanted.

Have some weirdy internet hugs. x

Don't worry if you get upset, it's natural and it will be a very emotional day anyway. OH's Mum died 5 years ago and his brother died 8 years ago at just 40, during the speeches it all got teary when raising a glass to them but it didn't detract from the day and was nice to have them mentioned. Sorry for your loss, I'm sure your Dad will be there in spirit x

Thanks so much for your messages. I will focus on the happy memories and enjoy the day. as you say its what he would have wanted. Feeling a bit better about it now. ?

I was really worried about my wedding day beforehand as my dad had died 3 years before and I was convinced the whole day would be spent with me crying my eyes out and I wanted it to be a happy occasion.

As it was, I had a very teary episode with my best friend the night before but on the actual day I was fine, other than during the speeches when he was mentioned a couple of times, but I think this was to be expected.

Like the others have said, you will think of him, and potentially get upset at some points during the day, but I think your happiness on the actual day will outweigh your sadness, and I am sure that is what your dad would have wanted.

I got to the point where I had to just accept that if I got emotional it didn't matter and everyone who is there will understand how you are feeling.

Awww hun

How about doing something so he can still be part of your wedding? Like having a charm with his picture on attached to your bouquet or shoes, that way he can still walk you down the aisle in your own special way

Hi Ginger, and welcome to Hitched. I hope you will stick around of the forums. If you do you will soon find you are not alone. There are heaps of brides out there who have lost loved ones and are worried about missing them and want to find a way to incorporate them into their special day. I'm not suggesting that your feelings are any less valid or meaningful as a result of that, just that I am sure you will see that there are lots of ways to make sure that the memory of a loved one is honoured on your special day.

Your Dad will still be missed, and there will be some sadness mixed with the joy in that, but you will find a way to remember him and include him in the day that suits you.

Hi and welcome. I was in a similar situation as you when I got married as my dad had died some years earlier. I found it helped to include small, personal touches but did not want everyone to know about it. He was mentioned in my mum's speech but that was it for the public side of things. My husband actually sent me a wedding gift in the morning, a locket with my dad and grandad's photos in, I didn't wear it but I had it with me during the day. I also carried a small photo of my dad on my bouquet and we had a pianist as he had always loved piano music - but only ever got round to learning the keyboard! We included some of his favourite songs too during the meal. Truth be told, and harsh as it may sound, I was so happy and busy I didn't have much chance to get upset. I had a moment where the painist began to play on of my dad's favourite songs and my mum and I just shared a look, but got through it. All you can do is just take the day as it comes, feel what you feel and know that your dad loves you and will be proud of you no matter what.

I have worked with a number of brides(and grooms) in this sort of emotional situation. Some brides have a heart locket attached to their bouquet with a photo of their lost love one. Some like a few minutes of personal time by the grave and may leave flowers or even the brides bouquet.

Welcome to the forum...there is a lot of help and empathy on here....?

Peter

When I scattered my dad's ashes, I wasn't ready to do so - I felt pressurised into doing it "because you'll feel so much better once it is done".

I kept back a small handful of his ashes, and they live safely in a little wooden pot in my kitchen cupboard (yes, well away from the herbs and spices before anyone panics!). My H2B, ex-H (who I was still married to at the time) and my children know of their existance but everyone else thinks I did the whole thing properly 10 years ago. My daughter (now aged 20) likes to think that the bit I kept back is his heart.

I will be wrapping a small amount up securely, and putting them in a locket which will then be attached to my dress. So my Dad will be walking down the aisle with me after all. No one will know, except the four of us. For everyone else, I will be putting a photo locket on my bouquet stem. We are also doing a memory table - H2B's parents are also no longer with us, so it is an emotional day for both of us as far as missing folk are concerned, so a candle, appropriate words and a couple of pictures will be there. Tears will be shed, I am sure, but I will be proud of those tears, because it shows how lucky I am to have had someone that amazing in my life.

On our way to the airport on honeymoon, we will take a detour to where H2B's parents are both buried and will leave flowers from the top table arrangement.

Nothing could ever compare to them being there in person, but the knowledge that they would approve of what we are doing etc goes some way towards it.

I was in the same situation. I'm a wreck at weddings when the bride walks up the aisle with her dad or if they have a father/daughter dance. I would advise what others have said and have a little token in the wedding that represents your dad. It doesn't have to be big and it can be something only you know about. Not sure if its any help or not, but i wrote this as part of a wedding guide for brides facing their wedding day without their dad. http://anyotherwoman.com/2012/09/f-is-for-fathers-a-wedding-day-without/