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J
Beginner August 2014

Double Barrell Surname

jo-jo1983, 18 of August of 2013 at 11:33 Posted on Planning 0 8

Hi everyone hope all planning going well.

Have tried to find a search to see if this topic has come up before but not results came back.

Looking for some help/info from anyone who has done this or is going through it.

I'm getting married in August next year. Planning is really stressing me as things seem to be so complicated but hopefully we are getting there.

My main problem is what to do about my surname when i get married. I Really really don't want to take on my fiance's name but he says i need too or he won't marry me. :-( so i thought i could come to a compromise and have a double barrell surname?

It just seems to be so hard to do having to contact deed poll etc.. is this the case? one friend said it only cost £35

or can i just keep my maiden name for all my bank, work and mortgage paperwork etc...

Really don't know what to do.

8 replies

Latest activity by StarCRM, 22 of September of 2016 at 19:06
  • havecreditwillwed
    Beginner August 2013
    havecreditwillwed ·
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    Hi Jo Jo - I really sympathise, I was determined not to change my name, but you know now that I am married I do feel differently about it, I cannot call myself "Mrs <maiden name>" as that isn't right, and until I change the paper work, I am not "Mrs <OH>" either - I actually do not feel very married at the moment and I certainly never expected to feel like that as I am incredibly independent and at 34 have a well established career in my maiden name.

    My OH also laid it on a bit thick about him not marrying me if I didnt change it but he did start to soften a couple of weeks before saying it didn;t matter. I did feel strangely rude explaining to his parents that I might not change my name completely.

    I know not everyone will agree with me here but this is just how I feel and you cannot help that sometimes, can you!

    Now the paperwork. You actually have a few options open to you: https://deedpolloffice.com/advice/woman-getting-married Another bride posted this recently and it really helped me. Here you see all your options. For example what I am thinking of doing is following the 'Change name but use maiden name professionally' so that in my passport I will have both of my names and that leaves my options open for booking travel in either name, or potentially getting bank accounts in either name etc. As for work, the only outside facing thing is my email address and LinkedIn profile, and neither of those has to match the bank name that my salary is paid into if I do not wish it to be. So they can stay in my maiden name even if my bank account is in my new name. Or I can open a new joint account as Mrs for example and have my salary paid to my Miss account!

    Have you had a think about when you would (if you would) like to use your OH's name? You do not have to decide now and actually you can put off the decision for as long as you like, there are brides on here who haven't changed more than their passport and have been married well over a year - and they actually WANT to change their names!

    Don't let this get you down, you do not have to decide straight away. You have a year AT LEAST to think it through. No one can make you change it - it is YOUR name. Even when you sign all the papers on the day itself, you sign in your maiden name! :-)

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  • J
    Beginner August 2014
    jo-jo1983 ·
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    Thank you for the detailed reply and link. i will have a look at it.

    It is my surname is unusal and don't want it to be a dying name, I can't change the name on my mortgage as it would mean changing my mortgage and i wouldn't get a new mortgage as my pay has dropped hugely since i last applied so wouldnt get a new one.

    Lastly the OH's family and me don't speak and don't get along so feel wouldn't want the link with them. I know prob looks bad but makes me feel ill thinking about that part.

    Thanks again for your reply.

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  • havecreditwillwed
    Beginner August 2013
    havecreditwillwed ·
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    I understand, my Mum's maiden name is very very rare, only 180 of them left in the UK. It is also a bit weird and she got a lot of nicknames because of it so she wasn't so sorry to leave it behind! :-)

    Do not let this make you ill - just forget about it for now. It is definitely not something to make yourself feel poorly over. At the very very least you can have both names and if you want to keep yours, keep it. Just let sleeping dogs lie for a while, I say!

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  • S
    Beginner May 2014
    staranise ·
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    Hi, we are going the double barrelled route. When my LO was born I refused to give her OH's name in case the worst happened and we split up, leaving me and LO with different surnames, so we agreed to compromise and gave LO a double barrelled surname. Now we are discussing getting married, we have agreed to all have a double barrell to make us feel complete as a family. I don't whether or not you OH is going to take on your name too, you didn't say but it does make the whole thing a bit more complicated and expensive, as you both will need to change your names. You might find this useful reading

    http://www.ukdps.co.uk/AWomansRightsUponMarriage.html

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  • J
    Beginner August 2014
    jo-jo1983 ·
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    Thanks,

    i had looked into the OH changing his name too but it looked alot more complicated. He isn't too keen on double barrell but also the situation came up as to if we had kids what would we do. (this will prob be unlikely due to health problems but jsut incase it is good to talk about now)

    Will have a read at the link. thanks

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  • L
    LuxuriousRedDecor635 ·
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    I'm sure DeedPoll can come up with a good win win solution. You can ask them here: https://www.ukdeedpolloffice.org/contact-us/ But let me tell you as well, if he loves you, what's in a name?

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  • TrixieSaurus
    Beginner August 2016
    TrixieSaurus ·
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    I got married last month and also wasn't keen on changing my name. OH and I settled on the double barrel route as he didn't want to lose his name either. I told him I didn't mind if he just wanted to stay as is, but he wanted us to both have the same name, so that if/when we have kids we all have the same name.

    Anyway, I asked the registrar how we go about changing. They told us that if you have the marriage certificate you or your OH can change your name, and you don't have to do it right away. You can keep your name as is and change it in 20 years if you want to (that's exactly what they said to me - I had to ask about my passport, has to be renewed for the honeymoon, but all been booked in maiden name) I haven't actually done anything about it yet, but OH has changed his name with the bank already and received all his new cards! No charges for deed poll or anything. Not like it used to be, where the woman can take the man's name but not the other way round, Only if you;re 'inventing' a new name do you need deedpoll.

    Hope this helps Smiley smile

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  • Sweeties
    Beginner November 2016
    Sweeties ·
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    I'd read something similar to that.

    I was going to change my passport after our honeymoon, then use that and my marriage cert to try to change my bank details etc.

    See what they say. I'm not inventing a new surname, I'm just using both of our surnames.

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  • S
    Beginner November 2016
    StarCRM ·
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    The OP was asking for advice in 2013 so I'm sure she's got her name sorted by now Smiley smile

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