Children at weddings???

So hard! I don't have kids but most of my friends do. I've heard mixed answers - some are pleased not to bring them (a 'night off') but others are v offended.

We're having them, as I want my godchildren to be part of the wedding party. Them and their siblings account for all but 3 of the 15 kids so it seemed silly to not allow the other 3.

i am however going to make sure the ushers are explicit with their instructions for those with young kids to sit at the end of the row 'in case they need to leave'!

Hope that'll work

We have little choice having 3 of our own, and I definitely wouldn't leave my nieces, nephews and god children out. Other than that, nobody else's children are being invited. We have been to weddings both where our children have been invited and when they haven't. They take up valuable numbers, which when you're on a budget can be a headache so I fully understand when they aren't invited. We've also declined to take them to other weddings if it's been a formal affair and the children don't really know the bridal party. It gives us a little break too. Much as I adore my children, it is not a relaxing time taking them to formal gatherings!

I'm with you, i have never ever wanted children at mine purely because i remember being at one wedding where during the speeches the parents of the child next to me got a potty out for the little one to go on in the middle of the room and it was just awful.

My mother was the one that had worried about offending family who have kids but i was hell bent on having none there as l didn't want an unsettled child interrupting a beautiful moment like the vows. However. My cousin who just happens to be an excellent photographer has agreed to do our pictures for free as a wedding gift, which is great, but she has two daughters who will be 4 and 7 when we get married. So, in order to avoid looking like an ungrateful cow i have now ended up including them in the wedding!

All i can say is, have a reeeal long talk with the parents if you do end up including them and get to know the things they love, that way you can create a little hamper of things to keep them entertained. I recently also read about creatng a 'wind down' zone at the reception with some bean bags and cuddly toys and books etc which i thought was a great idea.

Either way, as soon as i got engaged i had many a bride before me say "you will always end up upsetting somebody" and its true, but don't do what i almost did and try to please others. It's all about how you say it aswell, if theres a lot of guests it could be overwhelming and stressful on the parents, or if its an intimate wedding it might be boring for them and potentially disruptive, don't forget, there may be some parents that see it as a blessing in disguise and an opportunity for a break away from the kids!

Oooh, this has ruffled feathers before, the topic has!

i'm anti-children in the ceremony and wedding breakfast, I don't care what anyone says, you can't 100% prevent crying children, and even if parents leave the room quickly with them, it's still a REALLY annoying disruption.

on the other hand, I've invited family members from overseas, and they have toddlers and babies. So, I really needed to provide something for them.

Answer: creche. the children will be at the venue, but just happily playing in another room while the adults can enjoy themselves.

I do not have children but they are a big part of my life and i don't feel my wedding day would be complete without children there... We are not having many (bout 5) but we are supplying activity packs for them so they hopefully don't get too bored during the speeches. I know a lot of people who have cut children out of their weddings and i have overheard parents saying its nice to have the break...

Some people loved not having their kids for a day/night and others where offended by the fact their children where not invited but what you have to remember is it is YOUR day not theirs and you have your wedding how you want it NEVER plan it to please other people

x

I cant imagine having a wedding without children being there. How boring! I'm having activity packs for them during the speeches and party games in the evening. It's all about the kids for me! If parents don't want to bring their kids then inviting them doesn't mean they HAVE to it just means the option is there. They can still have a 'night off' and not bring them if they chose.

If you really don't want them there then make it clear. Don't say yes to some and no to others - that would p*ss me off more than just saying no full stop. And stick to your guns. Being fickle isn't guna do you any favours. Be prepared for questions and make sure you give genuine answers.

Good luck with whatever you chose

This is how I feel about it. We don't have the option not to have children there, all my babysitters are otherwise engaged that day, so we're throwing huge amounts of effort into ensuring they have as much fun as the rest of us. Barbecue, bouncy castle, popcorn machine, my kids doing readings during the ceremony... we may even play pass the parcel and musical chairs! Being a slightly middle-aged bride all our friends and siblings have children, they make up a quarter of our daytime guest list. If anyone can't hear the speeches then oh well. My 6 year old is far wittier than the best man anyway.

I loved weddings when i was a kid, and really want my nieces and nephews and friends kids to be there for the day. We are having a short reg office service, then a bus to a pub by the river in the centre of London. There is a little park to run about in right by. All the kids who are coming are quite well behaved, and they will have the option to play in another room while we have the speeches. I think having a wide mix of ages, from great grannies to little newborns is one of the nicest things about weddings...

Brilliant!

I'm 23 and have a 2 year old, plus my sister and my cousins have young children too. I can't wait to see them all in their new lil suits and party dresses! So sweet! ?

Agreed.
A wedding, after all, is a family celebration and in my opinion a 'family' is not a family without children ?

Well, my lovely six year old stepson makes having children there pretty necessary. But we've got two six month old twins, a 2 year old, an autistic 4 year old, an 8 and a 12 year old coming too, and I wouldn't be without any of them.

To me, a wedding's about two families joining together, and children are part of those families. I want to hear happy baby shrieks during my ceremony, genuinely. The only kid I'm worried about is the autistic 4 year old, who is a wonderful child (and my partner's brother, so kinda needs to be there!), but is not good at behaving himself in non-child friendly environments. However, we'll do what we can to help him out, and there'll be a quiet room for his mum to take him if he gets overwhelmed.

I've been to childfree weddings and they're fine, but just not for me.

We are having 5 children during the day, the youngest being 2 the eldest 9. However ive only invited those that i know the parents will keep in order. All my other friends with children are invited to the evening only.

I'm with the children lovers, I personally think a wedding with just adults would be a very stuffy affair, children make up an enormous part of the day, they are part of the family, one of the most important parts of family to those whose children they are, and i think its a real shame that people have such a poor view of children and I hope your opinion on them being a nuisance changes before you have any.
I look forward to my daughter announcing she needs a poo just at the moment i say I do, and i look forward to my son picking his nose in photos, because I will be able to look back at my wedding day and laugh.
I think if i were to get a wedding invitation and was told i couldn't bring my kids, i would be unlikely to attend, If i got a wedding invitation where my children were invited, there is a distinct possibility i would get a baby sitter tho not right now because my son is breast fed, so were i go he shall follow.

I think if you are choosing no children you have to accept that people you might really want there will say no.

I think it entirely depends on your situation. If you no children yourself, no nieces or nephews or close friends with children then in all honesty I could perhaps see why you wouldn't have children there.

In our situation however, at the time we had 3 nephews and a niece so couldn't or wouldn't want to exclude them. In the end I think we had 15 children under 10 ranging right down to 18 months at our wedding and every single one of them was really well behaved. It helped that the weather was nice and we had a contained garden area where they could all play. It was lovely having them all there and I couldn't have imagined our day without them all

I'm such a horrid person I even sent my step children home after the ceremony. They came to the important bit and then left before they got bored! Ideal for all involved really.

Op- if you have a quick look at the search function there are a gazillion threads on this subject which can offer you some perspective hopefully. I think it's fair to say that done people hate the idea of kids at a wedding and done hate the idea of a wedding without kids.

My OH has 4 much younger siblings that are included in the wedding, and my bridesmaid has two young sons so i wouldn't dream of not inviting them. My bridesmaid's parents are invited to, to help look after the boys so I am hoping there would be that much disruption. There is also a few young cousins invited too.

I personally think it's nice, because kids enjoy weddings so much. My 4 year old bridesmaid was so excited when she got measured for her dress, and keeps asking me when her dress will be ready etc. The funniest thing was her 5 year old cousin who is invited said she wanted to be a flower girl too, then the 4 year old came running in stamping her feet and said I'm the only flower girl! I can't wait to see the little bridesmaids' faces on the morning getting their hair and makeup done etc!

We are having children but providing a wedding creche. All parents will be informed that this will be the only option and if they don't like it - don't bring them

This.

We have decided it is a no children zone (other than the step kids, who are all teenagers and involved in the wedding). We don't have young children and having spoken to a few of my friends who do, particuarly my MOH, all see it as a good reason to really relax and enjoy the day! x

Are the 4 year olds wearing make up? What sort of stuff?

Not very much! My bridesmaids are 25, 13, 11 and 4. The older two wanted makeup so I thought it would be nice to include them all, but the 4 year old they are doing her hair and makeup for free, and I have asked for just a little bit of mascara or something so she doesn't feel left out.

Bless them, so quick to grow up. My step daughters mum would have hit the roof if we put make up on her at our wedding!

I'm actually slightly offended at the idea that a wedding with only adults must be stuffy and boring! We didn't have to make the "children" decision as there were no small children in our family and none of our friends had kids - our youngest guest was 16. I don't think our wedding was poorer for that. Your little darlings might be cute in your eyes but they might not be everyone else's cup of tea.

Personally weddings are about 2 families coming together, families involve children, so by default children are naturally invited. If they cry or whatever, they're kids *shrug*. Talking from a person who's been to a million family weddings and social gathering (large family on my mothers side 11 aunties/uncles) so kids screaming, running and gliding on their knees across the dancefloor are all perfectly normal to me. A little irritating, yeah, but i did it when i was little and I dont reckon i was being a monster just a kid.

I'm gonna set up a creche. Gonna 'borrow/rent' some softplay equipment from work and get some colouring books for if they get bored.

100% agree Helenia. I doubt anyone could say our wedding was stuffy and boring because there was only one child. The thought of snotty noses urchins running around during the day gives me the creeps.

Again- it's horses for courses isn't it. I wouldn't say that a wedding with kids would be awful any more than I would expect someone who is having kids at theirs to say mine was awful.

I've been to weddings with both and loved both. We only invited children of immediate family and babies under 6 months (breast feeding).

I agree that is completely depends on your situation. If we didn't have our own children or any young children we were close too I don't think we would want lots of children we don't know very well there. But for us the whole day is about our family which includes our children, brother, sisters, nephews, nieces, godchildren....out of 100 guests about 30 will be children. There is no way we would even consider not having them there as they are just as much part of our family than the adults! Imagine if they looked back at photos of the day when they were a bit older and asked where they were in the photos? We are having a very relaxed day for this purpose those and they will be well entertained with a ice cream van, bouncy castle and kids tent full of toys and games.

Well, the simple answer is, how much effort do you want to put in, to entertain the kids?

So, basically, if you invite kids to a wedding, they can be wonderful, great fun, running around and give any wedding a bit of life, and frankly, they can look really cute in their little outfits.

However, the second you sit down for the meal, there is this really boring bit. They'll last about half an hour, then they'll want to run around and shout some more!

Then around 9pm, they'll all get tired and all of your guests with kids will leave!

So, in my opinion, speaking as a photographer and a father, and a guy who's done the whole wedding thing myself, here are your options:

1.) No kids.

Some people will be happy, some people will be offended. This is probably what I'd suggest for any Bride and Groom who don't have kids, and want a formal day.

2.) Kids

Have kids, but be prepared to entertain them! Bouncy Castles, Playstations, DVD's, Treasure Hunts. All in a separate room, where they can be sent during the boring bits. If you have kids, but don't supply these, that's when you get the kids running around. Go for this option, if you're a lot more relaxed about your day.

3.) Kids up to the meal.

A bit of a compromise, and one I've seen a few times, is where the couple say kids can come, but only up to the sit down meal. Personally I think this is the most difficult for parents to cope with. It means either leaving, or getting someone to come and get the kids, like a grandparent.

I'll be honest, there's no easy answer. However you deal with this, SOMEONE will be offended! Either the parents will be offended because they can't bring their kids, or people will be offended because the kids are running around like loonies!

So, on that basis, do whatever you want and just enjoy your day, without stressing too much about pleasing everyone!

Pete x

Couldn't agree more. If course, it may be recall bias, but I don't remember seeing anyone bored because there weren't small boys lacerating their knees on the Venetian glass floor. Nor do I recall anyone thinking that the digestifs and cigars were stuffy.

You always explain things so well footlong *sigh*

I'm actually extremely offended. The youngest people at our wedding were a very mature pair of brothers, about 7 and 10 IIRC (my H's cousins). Everyone else was older. We can't help it that we're the oldest in our generation and the first to get married. Our families (wider family of cousins, uncles/aunties and grandparents) were no less 'family' because no-one was of an age to have small children! And our families are no MORE 'family' now we have our own little one. We quite literally DID NOT KNOW any little children to invite.

I hated weddings when I was small anyway. If you like children, and make an effort to include them as guests in their own right needing appropriate entertainment etc, then fair enough and invite them by all means. If you don't want children present, don't invite them if you can help it, although be aware that means some people may not attend (I couldn't go without my son as he is exclusively breastfed, for example; others may not want to leave their kids which IMO is fair enough as long as they don't kick off about it).

And I have it on good authority that your wedding was all the more boring and stuffy because of it

I mean, really, you could at least have robbed some urchins off the street...