Things you are called a Bridezilla for

I fully understand the sentiment behind everything you said, but would suggest a better way to deal with people wearing heels would be to instruct the ushers to tell people to take heels off if they are wearing them due to the floors. This seems less childish then suggesting they cant read and asking them to sit in a creche, as you must have invited them because you want them there. They will daft enough as it is being told to take off their shoes (which they fully deserve as you made it clear no heels were allowed).

Everything else I agree with, although personally if invite said 12.30 I would arrive by 12.15, so would be very annoyed at having to wait 45 minutes for the wedding to start!

Both me and h2b are annoyed with fmil as his suit arrived her tried it on so i put it back in the bag and hung it up on outside my daughters wardrobe he said that he did't want anyone to see the picture i took or the suit anyway fmil came round yesterday and saw the suit hanging up and asked if the suit had arrived we said yes, anyway she went of to play in our daughters room with her and they had the door closed i went on a little while later and fmil asked if h2b was going to be wearing the waistcoat we already brought so i said yes and then clicked that a waistcoat had come with the suit aswell....she had unzipped the bag and had alook at the suit....am i just being over secretive....they had seen near enough everythng else

Argh graceyfly, you confused me with your change of avatar!

I hate to say it, but you do sound a bit militant. Where's the joy and light heartedness here? If people wear heels, get them to take them off. If people ask for something else, let the venue deal with it. Just ask people to be there by 12.30pm for a 1pm start...

There's a fine line between "good organisation" and making the decision to treat everyone like naughty teenagers who wander around with flagrant disregard for others before they've even done anything to suggest this.

Just plan for people's comfort and enjoyment and leave it at that - why wind yourself up by trying to build punishment for what you perceive to be some sort of willful misbehaviour into your day?

I haven't been called a bridezilla really - I did have a bit of hysteria around choosing a venue, but I think I was just overwhelmed by the decision making (even now, I hate the nitty gritty decision bit, I have to actively choose to stay positive and not get peed off with it all). I went a bit loopy when planning the seating plan yesterday with the boy, and unfairly targeted one of his slightly more exuberant friends as a trouble maker and kept whinging about putting him at the back of the room - he really bore the brunt of my anxiety about creating a nice atmosphere for everyone, the way I was going on you'd have thought I was trying to seat Rasputin at a dinner party. Anyway, I soon snapped out of it and placed the poor man in a nice seat near his friends and stopped trying to surround him by elderly relatives who might mitigate any excitable behaviour before it gets going!

To me, this is bridezilla behaviour. They're your friends and family, not soldiers on an army exercise.

And your attitude towards the shoe thing is horrific. If I was sent to a crèche, I'd go home!

Hey Gracey - sounds like you are having a pretty hellish time with your mum and everything else. What is your mixed-faith marriage may I ask? what faiths are you and hubby to be? I like hearing about things like that

Then don't accept your father's contribution, and you won't have to invite them.

Sorry, I organise events for a living too, but would never dream of treating my guests the way you seem to be.

Ahhh I see. I am Jewish and my hubby french catholic, but both come from the least religious families you'll ever meet, so luckily was not a problem for anyone...

I think your post is great and I'm not as organised or precise as you but I do have a few things that I just know are really going to get my back up!!! My h2b's family are wonderful but he does have a lot of cousins/aunts/uncles some of which think it's acceptable to turn up at weddings in jeans/trainers/leggings/pumps. the last wedding i saw these people i thought it was an outrage and made it known to my h2b that if they think they are doing that at ours they can turn around and go straight home! sorry but i always make an effort and people who do that are just lazy and thoughtless. its not a kids bday party after all its my wedding. also i went to a friends wedding 2 yrs ago and someone walked in just before the bride did and she was wearing a white dress! it was short, but thats not the point it was white and i was horrified! if anyone does that at mine i will happily march up to them and tell them where to go!

Fark me, doesn't sound like a relaxing wedding

What others said re if you don't get on with your family, don't accept the money and make the day you want. Sorry, I really can't be done with these family dramas. If you're old enough to get married you are old enough to stand up to your family

Seriously? Chill out Gracey, you sound like you're organising a military invasion and what's with humiliating any unsuspecting guests who forget the no heels rule?! I'm sure the staff at your venue would remind any guest who turns up in the wrong footwear but getting the ushers to act as fashion police is a bit much. You will not notice if one or two of your guests had bare feet during the ceremony.

I really dislike it when people lie about the start time on the invitation. I usually try to arrive 20-30 minutes before a wedding starts, so would be sitting around for an hour. Having a bit of music in the background doesn't help this. The vast majority of people are not so lazy/rude as to be late for a wedding. And if they are, then either they can't come in, or they will sneak in at the back. On the day, you really will not notice or care - they are the ones who will have missed out.

As for the thing with the waitresses and the shoes, that just strikes me as petty.

My only "bridezilla" moment was when I told OH that there was no way in hell his female usher was going to be wearing the same dress as the bridesmaids.

HEHE the bit about the waitresses really made me chuckle having worked in events too its really frustrating when people just don't understand the concept of a set menu or suddenly develop a special diet...it just plain rude to turn your nose up at a free meal that has been prepared for you and you wouldn't do it as a guest at some ones house so i don't get why people think its appropriate at a wedding... Touché

To be honest, I think you are forgetting what is important and what the purpose of the day is. Do you actually like the people you are inviting? The reason I ask is because I would do anything to avoid the loved ones coming to our wedding being humiliated in any of the ways you mention.

If an invitation I received said 12.30 start, I would be prepared to be there for 12.00, maybe 12.10 latest. To then wait for almost an hour would piss me right off. If I was then sent to a creche and belittled and rediculed - well, I wouldnt be sticking around. Is this what you are trying to achieve?

ETA: "fired" a bridesmaid? ? I wasnt aware being a BM was a job! to "fire" one is ludicrous, absolutely ludicrous. All of my BMs were carefully chosen and given a lot of thought. I couldnt imagine my wedding without any of them, so certainly wouldnt for a second consider firing any of them!

You do sound quite the bridezilla however, have to say, it sounds like its pretty necessary given the background I've read to your wedding through Hitched. You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. I'm lucky ours are pretty easy, but some are not at all. My ex had all kinds of attention seekers etc and were a nightmare at times.

Weddings bring out the worst in people sometimes. At the end of the day, you will hopefully be so swept up in things you will only have eyes for h2B x

I agree with Sparkles and Helenia. I think you have lost site of the purpose of a wedding. Yes it's nice to have all the frills and extras and I feel very lucky and grateful that I was able to have these at my wedding. If, however, I couldn't afford them, I wouldn't have had them, end of. I would still have had the best wedding ever. The most important part of the wedding is that you end up married. This doesn't cost a lot.

If by the end of the day you've married the man you love, does it really matter if someone was 5 minutes late or wore the wrong shoes or didn't like the food? As others have said, on the day you won't care. Let everyone sort themselves out.

We have a different religion per parent: Jewish, Methodist, Seventh Day Adventist and Catholic, but luckily everyone's been really understanding about it. When my parents got married (Jewish/ Christian) it wasn't met well.

Clare, how did your Jewish/ Catholic go down? My FMIL is French Catholic ?

I'm being called bridezilla for merely choosing to have a 'proper' wedding! My parents never had a big fuss - registry office and no reception, 30 years ago in Jan! One sister had a registry office wedding with meal for 12 guests after, and my other sister is going to get married in Cyprus next year, so again, only about 12 guests.

They have mocked and laughed at me for making plans and wanting everything to be right, I think becuase it's not what they would want, they just don't get it! My wedding isn't big by any means, but I am generally very organised and just want it to be right!

I have to agree with Roseability in that you only need a registrar and two witnesses to get married, everything else is optional.

I know you say some people don't approve of the mixed faith marriage but they can't feel that strongly if they are still intending to come to your wedding and celebrate the day with you.

When my grandparents got married my Grandfather converted from being a Protestant to a Catholic so he could marry my Grandmother who was Irish Catholic. His family didn't come to the wedding and never spoke to him again. It broke his heart that his family didn't understand but he loved her so much he was willing to stand by her and raise their own family. I understand that family can drive you crazy but try not to get too worried about what shoes people wear or how fussy they are about food, the staff at the venue will deal with them while you are hopefully enjoying your day with your OH.

If I hadn't read other posts of yours, gracey, I would be questioning if this was a joke. Unfortunately I can see it's not. As others have said, do you actually like any of your guests? You seem to treat them with disdain and suspicion. They are your GUESTS, the idea is to make sure they feel welcome, are comfortable and have a wonderful and relaxing time. They are there to celebrate your special day with you, presumably because they care about your and your H2B, not to annoy you, or to try and "get a free meal" as I have seen you write in countless posts. I really think you are missing the point. If your guests mean so little to you why not just elope?

As for the flat shoes, I cant think of a single wedding outfit that would look half way decent with them, are female guests expected to wear these all day or can they change into heels after the ceremony?

Unfortunately we all have different scenarios to deal with and having read Gracefly's posts over the past few months, it seems she has some particularly difficult people to deal with (whom cannot be missed from the invitation list)

To be fair, the lady who may end up in the creche sounds as if she has just bought heels to be awkward and nasty so if she is going to act like a child deserves to be treated as such. And while I have never arrived late for a wedding OR been cheeky enough to order something off the menu, presumably Gracefly has seen some of her family do similar things and needs to deal with it in advance.

It makes me feel very lucky to have the small few moans I have with my family to be honest.

i was about to say all these things! :-)

This!

I think given your past posts and the problems youve had then i understand what you are saying. Also understand those who have said about all you need is registrar and two witnesses. This is very true but a lot of people want a bigger wedding. Why should she give that up for a couple of family members who are being idiots? Just because her father is paying for things doesnt mean it will be any easier for certain people to be there. A wedding day is so special, why should have to give up anything youve wanted or had planned?

To be honest i think some people are being a bit harsh. I've read a lot of your posts gracey and the stress and troubles you have gone through is unreal. If asked i would more than happy to wear flats (i normally do) I know some people are saying you shouldn't but why not? If you love the place you are getting married why should you have to change it just so people can wear heels? You're not dictating an entire outfit, its not about what you want, its about the venue.

If people turn up late dont let them in. I know how frustrating it can be, but if they sneak in at the back you probably wont notice.

You'll have a wonderful day Gracey, just focus on the important thing - youre getting married - its such an amazing thing and anyone who tries to ruin that will look like a fool.

Aww Gracey I feel so sorry for you having to cope with this. So sweet its your first date place, that makes it all the more stupid for anyone to turn up in heels when asked not to. Again its only half an hour and its not because you dont like them or your choice at all, I think having a difficult family has made me understand a bit more but from reading all your posts i think youve done well to be so calm!!

Without commenting on whether I agree or disagree with your choices Gracey, it sounds like you are preparing for a very stressful time rather than a happy occasion, and it saddens me that you and some brides have to view their day like this. I just want to say please try not to worry too much, I know it is easier said than done. I promise on the day you will not notice if someone is barefoot, comes in late, or any of those things because you will be marrying your OH at your special venue. None of it really matters apart from that, such a cliche but honestly it is true.

I do sympathise in that I have a large family too and statistically the more people there are, the more likely it is there will be a few annoying people in the mix. I just think you need to try and not let them upset you so much Gracey because you do post here a lot about your family and I hate to think that a few annoying people would actually ruin someone's day. It does sound like attention seeking on their part but it's unlikely they are acting with malice if they are still coming to your wedding. Although they may be getting a free meal they have probably spent money on their outfit and a present for you and not many people would do that unless they have some sort of affection for you and your family.

Often the best way to deal with attention seekers is to ignore them. At 50/60 they're unlikely to ever change but I certainly wouldn't indulge their dramatics. They know the facts so leave them to it and let the staff deal with them.

I know this isn't addressing the full situation, but if you are able to - couldnt you buy a few pairs of cheap flip flops for people to change into if they do accidentally wear heels? It would make the whole thing a lot less stressful for you, surely?

You know, I was just about to suggest this. Good idea.

If I was invited to a venue like this I would wear heels (as I can't bear not to) but would bring a pair of ballet pumps to the ceremony.

Did you make it clear in the invitations that it was only the ceremony that's affected by the 'no stiletto heels' rule?

I recently went to a wedding and for the main part of the day, (meal onward) we were in a listed building and were made aware of the fact that stiletto heels could not be worn. On the invitation though they did suggest that anyone wanting to wear heels, could purchase these https://cleanheels.co.uk/, could you not let your guests know about these or have a few pairs ready for anyone who has not paid attention to your request?

This could save some embarrassment for anyone potentially getting sent to the creche.

This!

Wow! Seriously? I think you're freaking out over something silly here with regards to the high heels.

Can't you just provide a basket full of cheap flip flops for the ladies to change into that happen to wear heels?

My bad! Didn't see the above posts about flipflop baskets...