Hello everyone....you alright......good
Thanks for staring!!!
I know what you thinking.....look....it’s Lee Evans with curly hair!!!
This wedding has been months in the making...unlike my speech, and the reason I never gave George Clooney a run for his money, is because I could never remember my lines. So here’s one I prepared earlier!!!!
Fornication – Excuse me
For an occasion such as this.
For an occasion such as this, I want to start by thanking my new father-in-law Ron for his kind words.
I hope that, as Claire’s husband, I can live up to the image that Ron has just portrayed of me, or failing that, at least attempt to keep pulling the wool over his eyes!
Ladies, and gentlemen it is with great pride and pleasure to say on behalf of my wife and I, welcome to our wedding.
Thank you for sharing this special day with us, especially those of you that have travelled far and wide just to be here.
We know many of you have taken time off from work and for that we are truly grateful.
Before I begin, I would like to mention that today is Fathers Day. So I would like to wish my Dad a happy Fathers Day and all the other Dads sharing this day with us.
Some of you may not know this, but my dad hasn’t been very well recently. He has been recovering from pneumonia and a serious heart condition. Thankfully he is okay, but just in case, please make sure that all the aisles and fire exits are kept clear throughout the reception.
There’s a paramedic team waiting outside. Don’t obstruct them. I want them to have a clear run for when my dad is presented with the final bill.
I will be making a few toasts, so make sure your glasses are fully charged.
You may loosen your clothing if you wish – don’t loosen anybody else’s though - It’s not that type of party Gary & Nikki.
Please, No heckling you’ll have plenty of opportunities during the best man’s speech.
I’d like to think that I can always be relied upon for 2 things.
- One, I love a good party, so you're all under orders to have a great time this evening.
- Two, I don’t normally like paying for it, so make the most of this rare occasion.
We hope you like the venue. Northcote House was one of the first places we looked at. It carries a lot of history and over the years it has entertained many distinguished guests.
Queen Victoria, King George VI and more recently The Price of Wales…and if you go into the toilets right now you’ll find a really big Richard III!
Seriously, as Claire and I look around the room we can see most of our family and friends that have been important to us during our lives, and without you all here today it really wouldn’t have been so special!!!
So special in fact, that in the run-up to today, Claire and I had an issue with the seating plan, we couldn’t decide who to sit where. So in the end, we decided to use the wedding present list, and put those who bought the biggest items nearest the front, and the cheapest ones towards the back. So if you can hear me over there in the corner, thank you for the oven glove.
Thank you for all your wonderful gifts, cards and good wishes. We are extremely grateful and very humbled.
Ron I thank you for the gift of your daughter and I promise I will look after her always.
When I asked Ron if I could marry Claire he said yes. Well to tell the truth, what he actually said was “Mark its wonderful news, but on one condition. If you’re going to take my daughters hand in marriage, please make sure it’s the hand which for the last 20 years has spent most of its time in my wallet!!!
Seriously though, Ron & Lorraine are officially my in-laws; but I prefer to describe them more like my extra Mum and Dad, because that’s what they’ve been like to me.
I’m like the son they never wanted!!!
A huge special thanks goes to Claire’s mum Lorraine, because not only has she accepted me unconditionally into the family but she has also been the main reason for me pilling on the pounds with all her amazing cooking and spoiling of me.
Since day one they have welcomed me into their home and made me feel a real part of the family. All of Claire’s family have. I must say that I’ve been overwhelmed at the size of Claire’s family. But despite what Claire tells me, I still think you’re all wonderful people!
I’m only joking!
Lorraine, or should I say Mum? I’d like to say thank you for giving birth to Claire 21 years ago!!
Ron I’d like to thank you for giving Claire away this afternoon so willingly, a bit too willingly if you ask me.
Claire is a true credit to you both and my wish is, together as a family we can build a home that is as welcoming, full of love and happiness as your home has been to me.
Ladies & Gentleman, would you please be upstanding and raise your glasses and join me in a toast to my wonderful new in –laws who I love dearly! To Ron & Lorraine
Mum & Dad
Now there are two people not yet mentioned, but without them I wouldn’t be here today.
No, I don’t mean the best man or the taxi driver, but my Mum and Dad.
Of course, it goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, because I owe so much to my mum and dad.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank them for turning me into a sexual tyrannosaurus rex.
You may well laugh, well you where supposed to at that point!!!
Mum, Dad, Thank you for all your incredible love and financial support over the years, and for teaching me the difference between right from wrong and for instilling in me, whatever it is that convinced this gorgeous woman to marry me; on that score alone, you should be really proud of yourselves, I’m certainly proud to have you as my parents.
To just say “thank you” could never be enough. Debbie and I know we are the luckiest kids in the world.
I know I’ve given you a few dodgy grey hairs over the years. You’ve only got to look at my Dad to see.
People always comment on how a-like me and my dad are????
I can’t see it myself! I think I look more like my gorgeous mum.
But if truth be known I couldn’t think of a better compliment, because if I’m half the man my dad is, then I know I’ve done well.
It’s his strength and wisdom what are the most important qualities I want to bring to my marriage, and of course his ability to play golf 5 days a week.
My Mum has always told me that it didn’t matter what I did as long as I was happy.
Well Mum with Claire by my side and all of you wonderful people celebrating with us – I’m speechless.
And I bet your now thinking great.....hurry up because we’re all staving!!!
While I’m talking about my mum, I just wanted to say how stunning both my mum’s look this afternoon.
I also want to thank my Mom & Dad, my sister and brother–in-law Matt, and their two wonderful children Megan and Mark who as a family inspire me so much, and of course Freddie and all my family who I love dearly for welcoming Claire and the girls into our family.
Mom & Dad you guys are great, I love you and I know Claire and the children do too.
Ladies & Gentleman would you please be upstanding and raise your glasses and join me in a toast to my amazing Mum and Dad.
To Patrick & Sandra
Traditionally we would give our Mums some flowers, but as today is Fathers day we’ve combined a special gift for each set of parents. So please accept these as a token of our love and for putting up with us for all these years.
Now to my wife - WOW!!! I can’t even begin to tell you how stunningly gorgeous you look today.
I can honestly say that this is without doubt the happiest day of my life, and I really must thank Claire for pointing that out to me!!!
I actually thought I’d prepared myself for today, but nothing prepared me for when I saw Claire walking up the aisle. Claire’s mum said I would be stunned, to tell the truth she said something completely different...it begins with S but as there are children in the room I can’t repeat what she said, but my wife, and your daughter look amazing.
For me today marks the beginning of my journey with the most beautiful gorgeous, unique, understanding, humorous loving girl I have ever had the privilege to meet, and I’m lucky enough to be spending the rest of my life with her.
Since Claire and I have been together my whole world has completely turned upside down.
She has taken my breath away with her beauty and stolen my heart with her kindness, she gives me confidence, she makes me feel complete. I love the way she cherishes her family and her friends around her, and the way she always seems to do the right thing........
Apart from the time when she got her car back from the garage having been touched up and re-sprayed to make it look brand new. We then had a heavy snow fall where we live and she then decides to clear the snow off the car bonnet with a builders shovel leaving massive scratches and dents right across it, and then has the cheek to blame me for not clearing the snow off in the first place!!!
I still think she’s beautiful though. It was her beauty that first caught my eye nearly 20 years ago. I’ll always remember the first time I laid eyes on Claire at Stockley Park Gym, because it was early in the evening and I hadn’t been drinking that much.
I never thought it was possible to love someone as much as I love Claire and to be lucky enough to have that person love you back.
I always thought to myself how would I know that I love someone that much, so that I would want to marry them.
Well the answer came to me about a year ago when I kept having a reoccurring nightmare that wouldn’t go away.
My nightmare was Claire no longer loved me, and we had broken up.
But there was no better feeling in the world, because when I woke up and rolled over to find Claire was still beside me. It then became crystal clear to me that Claire was the one, and without wasting any more time I asked Claire to marry me and my nightmares immediately vanished and Claire’s dreams came true!!!!
In reality though. Today is a dream come true for me, because not only do I FINALLY get the girl of my dreams, but I also gain 2 gorgeous little girls Poppy and Holly.
These two little girls have truly rocked my world. I love them so much, and I’m so proud to be called the girls step daddy and I’m immensely proud that you are my wife.
Thank you for marrying me. I promise I will always try to make you happy and never sad.
I will try my best to pick my clothes up off the floor.
I promise never to put empty chocolate wrappers back in the fridge fooling you to think there’s some left.
Promise not to moisturize with your fake tan.
Promise not to get the hump when you take food off my plate before I’ve even tried any of it.
Know never to expect an honest answer when I ask you how much something has cost when you’ve been out shopping!!
And I’ll promise never to break wind in your presence again!!
I promise I will try to be the perfect husband, and if I fail at any of these, I promise you this............... I’ll never fail at loving you.
I know I’m the luckiest guy to have a lifetime to share with you and as long as you don’t ever, ever, ever come to your senses I know we’ll have fantastic future together.
So I’ve been trying to come up with something original to express how much you and what this day means to me.
But nothing quite expresses what I wanted to say, so I thought I’d keep it simple and old-fashioned and say, in front of all of our family and friends:
I love you Claire - I always have - I always will!!!
Now I’ve confessed my undying true love for my new wife.
Tradition dictates that I now tell you an amusing story or two about Claire, but Claire dictates I do no such thing, because she was way too nervous about what I was going to say.
So to calm her nerves, I asked her what I could and couldn’t say, and she said “As long as you don’t mention anything about me breaking wind in my sleep you’ll be fine”
Prior to me though, Claire has had many men in her life – Gianni Versace, Tom Ford, Louis Vutton.
Personally, I now think she has a thing for chubby men, and as I look around the room I’ve never seen so much competition!
Whoever would have thought that planning a wedding would have been such hard work..........................well luckily for me it wasn’t?
Claire has done absolutely everything to make sure we all have a fantastic time today. For months now there have been wedding wall charts on every wall, wedding magazines are left scattered everywhere and when I feel asleep on the sofa the other night I woke up to find a post it note stuck to my forehead saying ‘Don’t forget to bring to wedding on it’.
If it wasn’t for all Claire’s hard work and organizational skills this really wouldn’t have happened today.
If anyone one is in doubt of how much work she has put into this day, Claire’s wedding folder is a sight to behold. It can now be seen at the Museum of Unnatural Weight!!
So for all of her fantastic effort for in organising today I for one would like to spank her, thank her.
I’m loving it and I hope you all agree. So please put your hands together and give Claire a round of applause for today.
Okay, okay, that’s enough ....otherwise I’ll never here the end of it for months!!!
I know Marriage will be difficult at times and of course it will have its ups and downs. I just hope most of those are in the bedroom.
This I do know. We make a fantastic team. We trust and support one another and we know we’ll always be there for each other for the rest of our lives!! I love her around the world and back.
So please be upstanding and raise your glasses for my beautiful wife and the new Mrs Ginnelly and join me in a toast to which I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life!
Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.
I'd like to thank our very handsome Pageboys – Mark, George & Harry. I’m sure you’re Mum’s and Dad’s are extremely proud of you for carrying out your duties so perfectly today.
We have a little present for you each so could you please come and collect it, and whilst they do, could you please put your hands together and give the boys a round of applause for their contribution to today!!
To my groomsmen, I’d like to say I couldn’t have wished for a better group of friends to share this special day with. The guys asked me over breakfast this morning do you think you’ll cry and get upset.....? I said yes with out a shadow of a doubt ....When I get the final bill it will break my heart and wallet!!
But, I would like to thank Andy, Chris & Scott for doing what was expected of them. No more – No less. The main thing is they turned up and made it in from the bar next door.
Thanks for all your help and support though and more importantly for upholding the tradition that the ushers shouldn’t look as handsome as the groom. Andy Claire and I would like to wish you a Happy birthday.....I’m sure Terry will have something to say on that matter.....infact I know he has!!
Now if anyone could have stolen my wife’s thunder today, it would have been our beautiful bridesmaids Megan, Sarah and of course our two little girls Poppy and Holly. I’m sure you’ll all agree they look absolutely amazing. You’ve done a wonderful job today girls. We’ve also have gifts for each of you. So would you please come and collect them.
(Wait for all to collect)
As well as thanking them for today, I also have the pleasure of toasting them.
Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to Their Health and Happiness.
To the Bridesmaids.
Thank everyone Involved
I also want to say a big thank you to Phillipa and my brother in law Matt for the reading’s today. The readings were excellent. Thank you very much.
Please put your hands together and give them a round of applause for their contribution to today!!
I’d also like to thank our International Super star DJ Joe Borgia for the music tonight.
Claire has requested that I come out of retirement to play a few of our favourite tracks which mean something to us when we first meet so make sure you on the dance floor for that later.
And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for and the moment I’ve been dreading.
Being asked to be best man is without doubt the toughest of all wedding roles.
It’s rather like being asked to sleep with the Queen - it's a great honour, but no-one really wants to do it.
I soon realized I needed a best man I could totally rely on, someone who’s organised, responsible, loyal and trustworthy!!
I knew instantly who I wanted to be my best man but unfortunately Richard, Andy, Chris, Tish, and most of all the other boys couldn’t make it, which left me with Terry. Andy said he would be as much use as an ash tray on a motorbike.
I’m honoured he agreed to be my best man though.
I’d like to thank him for the 15 years of friendship.
I know we’ve known each other for 20 years, but we don’t count the 5 years he spent inside for committing perjury. Bear that in mind during his speech.
Terry’s a true friend though who never ceases to amaze me with his kindness and generosity. He is a super guy and a role model of a friend not only to me, but everyone who knows him in this room, and he’ll do anything for me... in fact as you can see he even wrote this part of my speech.
Part of the best mans duties of course is to organise the Stag party. I’m grateful to everyone that came along on The Tour of Spain.
We all had a fantastic time, although I’m still feeling emotionally scared because of the Russian dancer who made me take part in naked aerobics with her inside the Club.
I know I needed the exercise guys but that was harsh.
I WOULD LOVE TO DISCUSS MORE, BUT WHAT GOES ON TOUR STAYS ON TOUR!! Not only that......I think Terry know doubt has something to say on those matters later.
Terry, we’ve got something special for you, but Claire and I thought we would wait until after we’ve heard your speech before we give it to you!
Thanks ever so much for all you help and I wish you all the best with your Best Man speech to follow.
There’s no pressure into being funny or witty and don’t be nervous, but just remember everybody is watching!!!!
But unlike many best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, Terry has promised me that if there is anything slightly risqué, he’ll whip it out immediately.
Claire and I will remember this day with great affection, so thank you for sharing it with us and all you have to do now is EAT, DRINK & DANCE& of course.......P.A.R.T.Y....PARTY!!!!!!!!!
But before I go I have prepared a special poem that sums up marriage and the groom quite nicely.
It’s good, and I think you’ll like it.
The perfect groom is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
and keeps his face so clean
The perfect groom likes children
and will raise them by your side
He’ll be a good father
and husband to his bride
The perfect groom loves cooking
Cleaning, and laundry too
He’ll do anything in his power
to show his love for you
The perfect groom is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He’s a best friend to your mother
and kisses away your pain
He’ll never want to make you cry
or hurt you in any way
and if this poem stands to be true
then Claire I might be gay!