I am the best man so in time-honoured tradition, I will now do my best to give Luke the most uncomfortable five minutes of his life. For the record, the most uncomfortable five minutes of natalies life will becoming later on this evening, courtesy of luke
Well luke, I hope you made the most of your speech... now you're a married man that'll be the last time you get to speak for 3 minutes without being interrupted!
Good afternoon Boys and Girls. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m nathan. I have been Lukes mate for 2 days now, he found my add on a website as he hasn’t got many friends so had to hire someone for the day.
I hope you've all enjoyed the day so for, and I think you'll all agree... at the church today the bride looked absolutely stunning!
[[ Pause for applause ]]
The groom looked absolutely stunned.You can't deny it's been an emotional day though... evens the cake's in tiers!
Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I'd like to thank luke for his kind words - they were very much appreciated, also I'd like to thank my dad for his epic speech he must have put a lot of time and effort into thatNow this is only going to be a short speech because of my throat.. If I go on too long Natalie’s threatened to cut it!
You know, it's been said that being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to Camilla Parker Bowles.. It's a great honour but you don't really want to do it!But here I am, and I think you'll agree that my first job, of getting this man to the church, on time and sober, was a complete success! Now it's time for my second job, the speech, and this is the bit I've REALLY been looking forward to!!
Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I've know him for about 10 years, he's Handsome, Intelligent, Witty, Charismatic..Sorry, wrong wedding.
Luke was born on …………………. Now I don't know whether this is a coincidence or not, but 2 weeks after he was born Family Planning was made available free on the NHS!!
Looking at him now you may not believe this, but luke was not a pretty baby... In fact, he was the only baby in South Yorshire to have shutters on his pram!
You know, Jackie didn't get morning sickness until AFTER he was born!He was also a slow starter.
At Playschool Luke was different from all the other 5 year olds... He was 11! By the time he was 14, his parents were getting very concerned about his performance at school - He wasn't just falling behind, he was getting lapped!
Friends used to ask Richard and Jackie what they thought Luke would be when he left school. The usual reply was “Oh, about 35"!
But Luke did eventually leave school, to the great sadness of his teachers, and joined the local college.
However, it was one day in the college dinning area when Luke was out eating his packed lunch with his friends when he saw a girl giving him the eye. Luke decided to give the girl his number on a piece of paper and that is how he met the love of his life... Natalie.
You know, Natalie tells me the first time she set eyes on Luke, she thought he was handsome from afar... Now she just thinks he's far from handsome!
But nevertheless, she fell for his boyish charms, and actually discovered that they share the same sense of humour!
Natalie, you have to share it, because Luke just hasn't got one of his own! In all seriousness though Luke, you've been a brilliant friend to me over the years. It's been an honour to be your best man today, and with all my heart I hope you two have a long and happy marriage!
You're a lucky man. Natalies a beautiful girl with a heart of gold, and she deserves a good husband... Thank God you married her before she found one!
Now I'm not married myself, but I'm sure the right girl for me is just round the corner... Unless the police have moved her on since last night!
But even so, just before I make the Toast, I do have a few words of wisdom for the happy couple:
Natalie: - Treat Luke like a dog! 3 meals a day bread with butter on, plenty of affection... and make sure you send him into the garden for a wee before bedtime!
Luke: - Never get complacent. Look out for those tell-tale signs that there may be something wrong in your relationship...
You know, like the milkman wearing your socks! Also remember those 3 little words that are the key to a long and happy marriage... 'You're right love'!
Now, as a man that will drink to absolutely anything, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, raise you glasses and join me in a toast to Natalie and Luke, because I think they were made for each other.
[[ Toast ]]
May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old fashioned enough to last forever.I'm sure you're going to be happy together, and I speak for everybody here when I say I wish you both the very best for your future life together.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Mr and Mrs Dickinson, Natalie and Luke