Speech by Andrew Helliwell
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Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Andrew Helliwell
Speech Date: Nov2006
The Speech
Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls I hope you are having a wonderful time,
However, every silver lining has a cloud and unfortunately, I am it..…
2005 has been a great year……..sorry, sorry that was last years speech.
MESSAGES
Now for those of you who don't know me, I am Andy, Matts Brother and
partner in crime…and despite the nerves, I have really been looking
forward to today, as after all the years I have known Matt, he has finally
admitted that I am in fact the "Best Man".
It is well known that I can talk and I couldn't help but notice that there is a
bet on about the length of my speech.
Well, just to let you know, having backed myself at 2 hours 26 minutes and
with the kitty currently standing at around 㿊0, I must apologise in
advance, please make yourself comfortable and enjoy the ride.
I'd like to start by saying that Kate, I've known you for years and you are
like a sister to me and I am sure everyone here will agree with me when I
say how stunning you look today.…
As for the bridesmaids…..you really look beautiful girls and you all have
been fantastic, well done.
Thanks also to the ushers whom without today, you wouldn't know where
to sit..Thanks boys…and of course Matt, for asking me to be his “bestman”
As Matt's brother, I was always going to be in contention for the role of
"Best Man" but I was still extremely proud to be asked and I hope that I
have done the role justice, it is certainly an experience I will cherish and
something which my legal team won't forget as they work around the
clock to find out why most of the stag do arrangements backfired..…
Now, by disclosing everything Matt has done I would only be implicating
myself and I really don't want to tarnish my impeccable reputation! I also
bought a book about being Best Man which told me I couldn't talk about
sex, drugs or violence so that rules out talking about the stag do too!
I first met Matt 27 years ago when I can only assume that my mom and dad were that disappointed with their first attempt that they decided to try
again!
It didn't take me long to think that I must have been adopted as I found it
hard to accept that Plug from the Bash street comics was my brother….all
teeth and ears….…
It wasn't all-bad though, in fact we were the perfect team growing up, I talked all the time and Matt just listened!
In fact, he didn't say boo to a goose for the first 19 years of his life and I
was certain I would have to learn sign language, thankfully, it turns out that
Matt was neither deaf or dumb although his school reports suggested
there may be something in the latter.
It's fair to say that education wasn't Matt's forte, however, he did excel at
sport in particular cricket where I remember him turning out against a team
of police at the age of about 12 and nearly taking their heads off with a
couple of vicious bouncers, I think if he wasn't 12 they would have arrested him for assault!
Football also features in Matt's life and I have had the pleasure of going to
some great games with him with Aston Villa, England and most recently
Barcelona, all memories which will last a long time.
Ironically, most of my memories of Matt on the pitch as a player relate to injuries…..in fact to this day I have never seen anybody dislocate both knee caps within the space of a few months and then break their ankle.
Generally speaking, older brothers are supposed to be responsible,
role models who look after their younger siblings yet it always appears to
be me looking after him whether he is trying to steal our neighbours
christmas trees, putting our friends house up for sale, splitting his head
open on tree branches, finding the fastest ways out of clubs, getting motion sickness in taxis after a night out or evading the local police….by the way thanks dad.
It wasn't long before our exploits earned us the nickname of the Mitchell
Brothers within our close circle of friends although we even used to argue
which one was which……
Hopefully though the groom is now in safe hands with his new wife who
will no doubt keep him on the straight and narrow?
Matt and Kate both met at a place they have since managed to
avoid……work…and it wasn't long before Matt was on the airwaves of the
local radio station telling all who would listen how wonderful Kate was.
Such were the high hopes of Matt finding his ideal girl and to check he
wasn't making it up, me and the lads all waited outside his house after his
first date with Kate to see how he got on, I can still see the shock and
horror on his face as we surprised him………
On a serious note, whilst it is impossible to summarise the 27 years I have
known Matt, I would like to say that over the years he has been the best
anyone could hope for in a brother and the most supportive of friends…I
know that he will maintain these high standards as a loving father and now
husband.
You only have to look at Jessica and Lucy to realise how lucky Matt is and
I am sure that having three beautiful girls in his life brings him much
happiness.
Now, if you could join me in a toast to some very important people without
who today just wouldn't be the same. I'm sure all of us at some point will
shuffle past them and exchange a few fond words……ladies and
gentlemen, I'd like you to raise your glasses and say a toast….to the bar
staff!
I would now like to finish with a self penned poem:
You took me to a gay bar, in pursuit of your future bride,
Dragged me on a narrow boat, with nobody I knew,
I'm sure you would have kidnapped Kate, at times I almost did,
To see you now both happy, is no surprise at all,
I hope today was special, tomorrow better yet,
Consider me your shadow, never far away
For me you are a legend, my friend, my family.
To the newly weds: "May for better or worse….be far better than worse"
THE BRIDE AND GROOM
