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 Home > speeches > jokes > lotsmorewedding
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Roll on the floor laughing at EVEN more humorous jokes! ... don't forget to tell
us if you have anymore to add!
Best Man Stories | Brides
Only | Grooms Only |
100 Reasons to be a bloke |
Wedding Jokes |More Wedding Jokes
| Lots more Wedding Jokes |
A Dictionary For Women |
40 Rules Men Wished Women Knew |
Why Its Better To Be A Woman |
Men Are Complex Creatures |
Women Are Complex Creatures |
101 Things NOT to say on your wedding night |
The points system for Men |
Small Penis | Dr Farmer's Guide To Woman
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The Creation Of Woman |
University for Men | Add your own joke
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Lots more wedding jokes ...
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This couple were married for 67 years. The husband was asked; if in all those years
had they ever thought of divorce. "Heavens no" he replied. Murder yes,
but never divorce.
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There were these two women who were friends and neighbours. One noticed that the
other always seemed to have lots of new goodies; jewelry, furs, latest fashions,
frequent hair salon trips & manicures, etc. She asked:" how do you get
all that great stuff?"" I do it by charging my husband five dollars every
time we have sex", she said; "and you can do the same, it really adds
up. But you must remain firm. Don't let him talk you into accepting less, don't
let him coax you into doing it for no charge"."Great", she said,
"that sounds easy, I"ll do it". So, the next time her hubby
wanted to have sex, she said: "from now on, you have to give me five dollars
each time we have sex" She also told him why."Oh, I see", he said;
"okay". He then went to get the money, but realized that he had only $4.50
She refused to accept it: "If we have sex you must give me the full amount,
five bucks". He said: "Alright, so we can't have sex; but can I touch
you for the $4.50? "We'll just make-out, okay?" "Okay" she said.
As her hubby kissed her, fondled her body, rubbed against her, etc. she got really
hot and bothered. Finally, she was so turned on, that she said to him: "If
it's all the same to you, I'll lend you fifty cents until tomorrow".
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A man was speaking to God.
"God, why did you make women so beautiful?" he asked.
God said: "I did that to make you love them".
Then the man asked: "Well, God; why did you make them such good cooks?"
God said: "I did that to make you love them".
The man then asked: "But God, why did you make women so stupid?".
God said: "I did that to make them love you !"
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My friend married a doctor.
At a certain point he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Shortly thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also
an M.D."Why?" asked her hubby."You said I needed to do something
to spice up our love-making; I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she told
him.
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A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their
wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said
to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."
This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of
her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain
the phenomenon. She responded:
My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent the entire
marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be.
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite
sure how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that
everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the
old saying-'Those who CAN, DO; those who can't, teach.'
My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He
knew he had the order, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able
to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood
the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new
state-of-the-art method.
My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. He knew
how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told
me that he met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how to do
it.
My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the
product. he just wasn't sure how to position it.
My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to
do was talk about it.
My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted
to do was look at it.
My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted
to do was . . . -God I miss him!
So now I've married you, and I'm really excited."
"Why is that," asked the lawyer. "Well, it should be obvious!
You're a lawyer!! I just know I'm going to get screwed this time!
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