RSVP rant

Oh I am SO with you on this- in fact I very nearly posted a similar thread with the same title earlier today!

Our deadline was the end of March... not so worried about the evening guests, they are 'just numbers' in terms of catering, so can be added right up to the last couple of weeks if necessary, daytime guests however are another matter.

I'm quite shocked by peoples complacency to be honest- even some of my closest family needed chasing and some friends have said 'but you know we are coming...' and had to be reminded that we need their menu choices!

If someone is dear enough to us to have been invited to our wedding, I'd expect them to RSVP promptly, or at least within a week of the deadline- fine if they can't/ don't want to come, just say that, but to completely ignore, as one person has, not only the invite, but the RSVP date, AND several reminders and reminders about the reminders is just RUDE!

This person said before the invites went out that they wanted to come, and even provisionally booked a room at the venue when the invites were first sent, but has just completely ignored me since the RSVP deadline! I have to be honest and say that I actually don't want them to come any more.

I've made it clear now that anyone who hasn't let us know if they are coming (day and evening) by a specific date not too far in the future, that we will assume they are not coming and won't be catering for them.

I think you've probably been more patient than I am to be honest, but now is definitely the time to say 'we have to give our final numbers for menu's so if I haven't had your choices by X then we will assume you aren't coming'.

What irritates me most is that if the person concerned in our case had just said they weren't coming, I would probably have invited someone else for the day- now it's too late to fill that space without someone realising they have been 'bumped' and are an 'afterthought'!!

I'm with you there too, we are still chasing the last few and it's so painful.

In my case, we had a couple of people who we suspected may not come, but they didn't even bother to decline the invitation. One person I messaged this week casually told me they lost the invitation ? not sure what hurts more, that they just chucked the invite somewhere and wouldn't have mentioned if I didn't ask or that they didn't care enough to let me know they didn't intend to come. Don't get me wrong, I understand my wedding isn't the most important thing in other people's lives, but some courtesy wouldn't go amiss! Makes it more annoying that some of these people got married themselves in the last few years and went on and on about how much it annoyed them when people didn't respond.

Also, on the subject of meal choices, quite a few people said they had no food allergies/aversions but they actually do!!

I would absolutely give them a deadline, they can't keep putting it off forever and its wasting your time x

Absolutely feeling you on this, I'm sure most of us have had problems like this!

Are they one of these people who is saying 'yeah of course I'll be there' but not giving you choices? If so, I'd say it depends how important it is that you want them there. If you really do, I'd say 'you have 24 hours or I'll pick something for you as we need to confirm'. That's if you are confident they will show up.

If you aren't really bothered about them being there, or they haven't said in person they can actually make it, I'd do what you suggested and say 24 hours or I'll assume you can't make it.

I had to get quite rude with some of my family, because they'd assumed that I would KNOW they're coming.

I mean, I did assume that but how do I know what they want to eat?

I told them that if they didn't tell me that day what they wanted to eat then they could come but they would starve!

I'm having one of those days too. We counted up last night & are still missing 28 evening RSVPs & the deadline was three weeks ago. That's £500 in evening food! I'm going to chase them all today as if they aren't fussed about coming then we can extend the invite to +1's for work colleagues.

I'd defo go for the tough questions now Slink (& others) - 'if you've not responded by x date I'm crossing you off the list, unless you want to help out with other items on my long to do list whilst I continue to waste my time chasing you!'

Thanks for all the replies. All these rude people!

I know I'm badly organised so i RSVP to things right away because I know it's important for people to know I'm there.

I'm not fussed about bumping. I just don't want them causing a scene when they realise they're not on the list.

I kept forgetting to post an RSVP so I drove to the bride and groom's house and gave it them. It's not hard to make sure you get an invite sent back I mean my puppy even ate the corner of it as he steals post, but I still got it back. It's important, I want a good meal and they need to order it, surely it's common sense! (Not looking forward to sending mine, there's going to be all manner of a ruckus!)

We chased our remaining 35 on Friday. So far two have acknowledged & responded...

It tells you a lot about people when you see their RSVP etiquette!

Some friends surprise and delight you by sending their reply so promptly.

Others drag their heels and need constant reminding - and some don't reply at all!

Oh wow I despised this aspect! I just ended up asking people over text 1) are you coming 2) are you allergic to anything so I don't kill you! Luckily we weren't having menu choices if we were I would have helped a few local wine merchants profits.

I do hope you all get your replies in soon, I just don't get how it's difficult to tick a yes or no box, and write chicken/beef/veg etc. Or even sorry about it being on whatsapp but I lost the rsvp Yes or No.

I got my last one back with the threat "if i don't hear from you by the end of the day you won't be catered"

She replied. And asked to go off menu because she didn't like the options!!! Which, if she'd RSVPed before the date I might have been willing to pay extra for another dish, but a month after the RSVP date not a chance!

I'm a bit fussy and have gone hungry through many wedding breakfasts hungry, eaten unwanted bread rolls, bought crisps from the bar and hoped for chips at the buffet. I just thought that's what people did!

Same here. We made it as easy as possible by giving people the option of replying by post, email or text and even then had about a dozen people to chase up. One just ignored my partners text so we are assuming they aren't coming. I didn't bother keep chasing them... if they turn up they will be turned away! It's just plain rude

I have finally been told my outstanding invitees can't come- despite saying they were coming initially and even then didn't bother to send the RSVP back in the stamped, addressed envelope we provided.... frankly I'm glad they aren't coming- I get that people have life issues that get in the way and that my wedding is only the most important thing in the world to me and my OH and that other people have other, more important things to think/worry about, but I STILL think it's rude to need to be chased repeatedly to let someone who is supposed to be your friend if you're attending their wedding or not!

As for the outstanding evening guests- I think there are about 20 who haven't let us know either way, mostly OH's work colleagues... I've given up nagging now, I'm not catering for them unless we get RSVP's and if they turn up then they we will just hope there is enough food.... and if there is not I will make an announcement apologising for the fact that we have run out due to people turning up who didn't bother to let us know!!

I can't believe she was cheeky enough to make you chase her for a month then ask to go off menu. There's certain things that me and my husband won't eat but you just politly leave it.

At least the fun of the rsvps are out of the way.

I had one aunty who never bothered to rsvp even after being chased and never came to our wedding and one who demanded we invited both her sons and there wives even though we were short on numbers, we did and she then got angery that we didn't Include the kids, then because I said no rsvp'ed yes then waited untill the week of the wedding and told my mum they had no intention on going but wanted to put me out for not inviting everyone.

Weddings bring out the crazy in people.

I've told OH now that if he doesn't want to keep 'hassling' his relatives to RSVP, then he can tell them if they turn up on the day unannounced that they'll have to leave as we've not catered for them, & we're not having them eating other guests food who were able to reply as requested.

He's chasing them again tonight! ?

We only have one couple left to hear from after what feels like absolutely nagging the final 26 people to death, and the final deadline is this Saturday.

It's H2B cousin and his wife, apparently he is massively unorganized so doubt he is going to send it back....wondering if they are even going to come after said cousins brother and partner threw an almighty tantrum because they can't bring their child so declined the invite.

And don't even get me started on food....didn't tell people what we are having, but now it transpires lots of people have sent back their RSVP's without stating their likes/dislikes/allergies when we had a specific field asking for it.