Bit of a sore subject...

Trickers:

I went one better and charged people to come to my wedding. I also expected a present and card. If they didn't pay they were not allowed in the venue.

All of our guests are flying out to Cyprus to attend our wedding and we have tld them NOT to get us any gifts, it really does mean so so much to us both that they have spent such huge amounts to be with us on our special day.

Personally I would always take a small gift if I was invited to a wedding unless it was someone from work in which case we would probably have clubbed together and already given them something at work from all of us.

I don't know whether we will get presents or not especially as we have both been married before. We don't have a list and so far no-one has asked but i really am not bothered. If we do get gifts, whatever they are will be greatfully received, if we don't it doesn't matter and certainly won't spoil our day.

We are getting married because we love each other and want to get married. We have invited our guests because we want to share our day with them.

I agree i personally could never attend a wedding without taking a card and present/money or any other such event like dinner party or birthday.

The reality is i probably wouldn't notice if somebody didn't bring a card or gift unless I thought about it after and compared to the guest list.....But if i did think about this after i probably would be a bit shocked if anyone attending the ceremony and breakfast didn't at least get a card as its only my nearest and dearest friends and family.

What is more frustrating/awkward I have a friend who for my past 2 birthdays has 'forgotten' my present i.e. claimed to have brought me one but forgot to pick it up when leaving the house on route to my party .... so she must have 2 presents of mine sitting at her house but no effort has been made to give them to me and i would feel bad reminding her to give me the present she said she had got me  (she is rather scatty i mean i got my Christmas card on the 7th January this year minus a stamp i had to pay for it at the post office) I do wish she would just not bother LOL

Hey Laynarose!

I think I would be like this if my guests wouldnt have to spend lots of money for my wedding but in our occassion all our guests are spending a huge amount of money for their flights and hotel to come to our wedding and we are just grateful they are coming to be honest! Also our parents and close family are contributing towards the wedding so I wouldnt expect any extras from them! What would upset me a bit is if people don't get us a card! Simply because I collect cards, any type of card! I have kept all birthday cards, new home cards, engagement, wedding attendance, everything and would love to keep my congratulations cards as well! lol

I would never go to someone's wedding and not give a gift or money as i think im not like that.  I think its nice to give someone a card and a gift.  I am not expecting anything of people, not saying it wont be nice if i do get anything, we are getting married abroad and having a reception over here, we are going to do a little poem to say if anyone does want to give anything then it would be helpful to give us money towrds the honeymon instead of gifts, but i think its personal prefernce. xx xx

tybalt:

laynarose:

 

not to sound shallow but im genuinely shocked at the amount of people saying they dont expect to get anything and have told guests not to bother...

 

not being funny but i forked out over £50 a head for my guests and if im invited to a wedding im always aware of this factor and like lovebirds said if im broke i buy them something cheap but nice

 

 

Sorry, but I think this sounds really shallow!

 

Me too! do you really invite people to your wedding or a party you are having for any other reason just to get a present?? If you resent paying to feed them then either don't invite them or don't have a party in the first place.

Personally I would never attend a wedding without a gift, even if it was something small, but with that said, I'd not be upset if any of our guests didn't give us a gift. They are all expected to travel so therefore will all occur travel and accommodation cost and many (esp woman) will no doubt "need" a new outfit ,shoes etc, but I would however hope that they do all give us a card as it would be nice to have them all to look back on.

We will be giving every guest a thank you card regardless whether they give us a gift or not, thank you cards are not only a thank you for gifts but also to thank them for attending a celebrating the day with us.

I've only once not given a gift, a few years ago we flew overseas, paid for a very expensive hotel for two nights and after all expenses that wedding cost us about £900 so yeah maybe they forked out £50 on my dinner but I spent £900 on sharing special their day with them.

I did however buy a card which I found in OH's suitcase when we got back to the UK

I personally wouldn't go to any party without a gift of some kind, but especially not a wedding or a reception. I expect there will be a few folk that don't get us a gift and that's just fine by me. 

Truthfully, i expect gifts from all guests, it is not only materialistic of me but i do believe in symbolism and the guests thus provide gifts as a symbol of wishing you a long and happy life together, that is why gifts were brought into the wedding tradition.  In addition to that i have never went to a wedding where i did not buy someone a gift.  I truthfully though am a little bit bridezilla but more someone who came from a well to do family and got p****d off with people taking me for a ride and expecting me to pick up the bill all the time, so in all likelihood i would send out bills to those i did not get gifts from to cover the cost of their meals.  (thing is people think i joke when i say that - i admit that half of the people at my wedding have been sacrifices to my wedding and thus only the ones i want there i would let get away with being there without a gift)

Can I just put in a little note. I find some people's responses, not only to this thread, rather bitchy & I really dont think they're acceptable. You may not agree with someone but please remember we are all here to plan a fabulous day,not get branded as "shallow, selfish, etc". You can disagree without turning nasty. Xxx

Vintage84:

Can I just put in a little note. I find some people's responses, not only to this thread, rather bitchy & I really dont think they're acceptable. You may not agree with someone but please remember we are all here to plan a fabulous day,not get branded as "shallow, selfish, etc". You can disagree without turning nasty. Xxx

 

I want to echo this.  Each of us have different backgrounds and different forms of social conditioning.  I was brought up that I should never even visit a house without taking a gift.  This is not materialistic but good manners to me.  It is wrong to label people just as they are brought up different to yourselves and have different opinions - a lot of the forum speaks of how weddings such be unique and our day - then when they do not fit into a consensus of some posters then there is name calling.  This forum is about wedding planning not personal attacks. 

Vintage84:

Can I just put in a little note. I find some people's responses, not only to this thread, rather bitchy & I really dont think they're acceptable. You may not agree with someone but please remember we are all here to plan a fabulous day,not get branded as "shallow, selfish, etc". You can disagree without turning nasty. Xxx

I don't think anyone has said anything 'nasty' - people have specifically referred to what they personally do and what they find to be shallow or selfish, no one has directed comments at anyone specifically as I read it.  But then different people also have different ideas on what counts as bitchy I guess. 

The OP knew she was posting a controversial topic - all that's happened is people have discussed their experiences of guests giving gifts at weddings and given their views on it.