*Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

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• 14-Apr-2011 11:06

  *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  Lauren25 Joined on 06-Jul-2010 Posts 2,028

  Contact Hi everyone, Please someone keep me sane!! We have had couples that had broken up whilst planning our wedding for long times and were assured they was not getting back together so "free the space up for the wedding day". I did this-on 4 occasions! Now slowly but surely they are asking for the wedding list to be tweaked again so their partners they are now back with can come again! I left it long enough before inviting others in their places but now we have so many 'extra' people coming that I have now got to get another table with another centrepiece at £80 a time and everything else to go with! I feel annoyed that with 11 weeks to go they can still think this is ok to just assume they will be ok to come again! I have addapted it everytime but surely it has got to come to a point where we just say no? Do you think Im being unfair at being annoyed and worried about the cost escalating!? Anyone else had this? Happily married since July '11

• 14-Apr-2011 11:12

  Re: *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  daisydooberry Joined on 16-Aug-2010 Posts 26	Contact I think if they want their partners to come that much, it would be ok to ask them to pay for them at this late stage.Explain that your numbers are to the limit and you cant afford any more. They should realise its their own fault!

• 14-Apr-2011 11:14

  Re: *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  Lauren25 Joined on 06-Jul-2010 Posts 2,028	Contact Yes I had thought about that but I am a wimp like that and dont think I would have it in me. If it comes to it thou we might have to ask them, money dont grow on trees ay! Happily married since July '11

• 14-Apr-2011 11:18

  Re: *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  Lauren25 Joined on 06-Jul-2010 Posts 2,028

  Contact ajdown: I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'd say you're probably pretty much at your "cutoff point" now, and personally I'd say "well we can't fit you in for the wedding breakfast but you're welcome to join us for the evening" where the costs are minimal.  You followed their instructions/advice of "let the space go" so it's unfair of them to just expect that the space is still available. Of course, you can't guarantee it but there are likely to be a few dropouts in the last few days so I'm sure a table of 12 could manage 13 chairs for example. We still have 8 people that have not rsvp'd; at the 3 month stage we have to give our numbers to the hotel and at that point I'm sorry but apart from the three people that have explained why they can't let us know yet we won't be taking on any more people on our guest list.  The fact the final numbers aren't due till 3 weeks before the date and we can pay for any extras on the day is irrelevant because there are things like table planning etc that need doing, and when you're in the last stages of finalising decorations, dress fittings, picking up stuff and confirming final arrangments the last thing you need is rejigging the table plan. Some things are unavoidable and you can't plan for them.  I accept that.  But most excuses I'm sure we will get will be just that - lame. This is the thing not only is it the meal to pay for it is all the extra bits to remember. I didnt think about dropouts nearer the time? Its only a small wedding thou around the 65 mark do you think there will still be some dropout? Oh goodness this is stressful.. Also we have had rsvps with no names on and no tick for veggie non veggie?haha I mean they arent rocket science?   Happily married since July '11

• 14-Apr-2011 11:22

  Re: *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  canterburybride Joined on 04-Mar-2011 Posts 731

  Contact Not had this as we're not as close to the big day as you but I would imagine it's quite a common dilemma! People do forget to be particularly considerate of the bride and groom, and their finances when it comes to being invited to a wedding. If you have already agreed to the extra people that are coming which has resulted in you having to add the extra table then unfortunately I don't think you can really "take that back". However, if you have given no response yet, or for anybody else that comes out with a similar request from today onwards, I would think 12 weeks before the wedding is a perfectly reasonable time from which to refuse to alter the guest list and you're already within that. If anybody else asks if an unexpected partner can attend I would just look really sad for them (even if it's fake ) and just say that oooh, you're so sorry, but everything has been confirmed with the venue and catering and the place names have been ordered on-mass etc. so it's simply not possible to add extra guests so close to the wedding.... just look as though you're devastated and they can't be annoyed! June 2012 Bride to Be, Mummy, Business Owner, Writer, Sister and Best Friend among other roles including Daughter, Volunteer, Duvet lover and High Heel Junkie.

• 14-Apr-2011 11:25

  Re: *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  Little Madam Joined on 21-Jun-2010 Posts 6,734	Contact Well, 2 hours ago I would have said the cut off date for us is when the invites were written. HOWEVER ours were now fully written and OHs sister just text to ask whether her new BF can come - they've been dating 2 weeks on Sunday! So clearly bride v guest expectations are very different.

• 14-Apr-2011 11:28

  Re: *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  Lauren25 Joined on 06-Jul-2010 Posts 2,028	Contact @ AJ's 'no show invoices'!! Made me chuckle! little madam I think your right guests do have a different view on the organising of it all. Happily married since July '11

• 14-Apr-2011 11:35

  Re: *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  Panjita Joined on 21-Jan-2011 Posts 5,538

  Contact Be like Zammo and JUST SAY NO! Our best man has recently started seeing someone but I've put my foot down about her coming to the day do (he asked her without even checking with us first). There's 6 weeks to go so there is still enough time to change things but I have refused, too much hassle and expense. Who is to say they are not going to split up again before the wedding? Just tell them no. "Panj is an absolute diamond and totally not how I imagined, she's very sweet and quiet and generally lovely"

• 14-Apr-2011 13:04

  Re: *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  Mrs P 2 B Joined on 03-Mar-2011 Posts 633	Contact Would it be possile to have them coming to the evening do instead?? That way no extra table, wedding breakfast ect? This is what we are planning with cheeky pep who ask!

• 14-Apr-2011 13:11

  Re: *Rant alert*! When should the cut off date be??

  FutureMrsRon Joined on 30-Jul-2010 Posts 978

  Contact Lauren25: We have had couples that had broken up whilst planning our wedding for long times and were assured they was not getting back together so "free the space up for the wedding day". I did this-on 4 occasions! Now slowly but surely they are asking for the wedding list to be tweaked again so their partners they are now back with can come again!     Honestly, I'd tell them that you've been more than accommodating (4 times!!! I'd have considered myself super generaous to do it once!) and you just can't be making anymore changes so close to the date. You have other things to worry about - I take it they'll know other people at the wedding if their partners don't come? It's your wedding and nobody has the right to demand anything of you. If you've already invited other people because they told you to go ahead and free up space then that's their own doing, nothing for you to have to rectify. I don't really think you should get to the stage where you're asking them to pay because it's not about the money really - yes it would incur costs to re-add them in but the principle of the thing is that it's your wedding and there's a lot more than covering the cost of per head food to consider. Why can't people just have the common sense to know that it is a privilege to be invited to share someone's wedding day, not a right.