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(UPDATED on pg 2)My Gran's dying wish ignored

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  • (UPDATED on pg 2)My Gran's dying wish ignored

    Sorry to post this here...but i'm just so annoyed at the moment.

     

    My Grandmother was diagnosed with cancer in november, she passed away just before my birthday in february and her funeral was on Thursday just gone.

     

    She had one wish before she died that she would mange to hang on for the wedding which is in 31 days time. She obviously didnt make it, her other wish was that my Aunties (my dad sister) children would be involved. Their daughter would be my flowergirl and their sons would be involved with other duties and that they would wear kilts to represent the scottish side of my family.

     

    My Gran really wanted their daughter to be my flowergirl, so we spoke to my Aunt and she was thrilled with the idea. We asked their daughter who said that all she has ever wanted to do was be a bridesmaid. My Gran paid for her dress, tiara, shoes etc and because she was getting so ill, we took the daughter round and she was dressed up and my Gran thought she looked beautiful, this was about a week or so before she went into hospital never to come out. My boy cousins really wanted the opportunity to wear their kilts and we sat for hours with my gran talking about wedding, this was the last time i saw my gran alive.

     

    My family consists of my parents, my maternal Gran and Uncle and my paternal family which includes this aunt and her husband and her 4 children and another aunt and her husband, and my Gran's sister and her daughter.

    Tonight my Dad gets a phonecall, bearing in mind they dont have the decency to call me themselves. 

     

    They have decided to go on holiday the weekend of the wedding so none of them are coming, my other aunt is also not coming - she is also my God Mother. It's not even the fact that they are not coming that upsets me. What upsets me is they didnt have the class to tell me direct and the fact that the one wish my Gran had (their mother) is being totally ignored and she hasnt even been buried a week yet. 

    So either they have just booked the holiday knowing full well that it was my wedding because they are all so involved, or its been booked a while and they ignored the dying wish of their mother.  They didnt even call to say that they were thinking of going on holiday and would that be an issue?. We've also allocated their heads for the venue bearing in mind that this time next month we will be married, their allocation comes to nearly £500 alone!

    My dad (their brother) is distraught, he is really upset and feels very let down, and has said now that he doesnt want them at the wedding even if they didnt go on holiday because of all the bad feeling on the day.

    The only relatives that will be there on the day now that aren't in the wedding party will be my gran's sister and daughter (not likely they will come now either) and my other gran who has such bad dementia she wont even know what's going on and my maternal uncle who doesn't want to be there either. the only person who was really looking forward and wanted desperately to come to the wedding is the one person who cant. Its soul destroying to me that they can do this across her, and i feel quite a wicked thing also.

    i know there is no answer, and i have rambled, but i needed somewhere to let it out...and facebook wouldn't be an appropriate place to do that.

     

     

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    • debmci
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 22-Jan-2010
    • Northern Ireland
    • Posts 3,106

    maybe you should give her a call.  it may be that they dont feel they could face a wedding so soon after a bereavement.  Maybe if you have a word you may get a calm explanation. 

    Mrs Sproule since 13/10/10, and Sooooo Happy!!  Smile

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    • emsa1
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 26-Jan-2010
    • Gloucester
    • Posts 435

    oh my goodness....like you say there is no answer to this. i just feel incredibly sorry for both you and your dad! xx

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    at the funeral everyone was saying how the next time we all meet up will be a happy occassion. Its not the first time they've done something across us. But they are my dad's sisters, and their dad died 3 weeks before his wedding to my mum, so its not completely out of the blue. 

     

    Even if they cant face the wedding...fine, but why not tell us sooner? why ignore the one thing that my gran wanted?

     

     

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    • kj82
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 19-Jul-2009
    • Posts 813

    I dont have any words of wisdom for you but have some Hug

    I would feel upset too if this was me but maybe try and talk to them yourself as deborah said xx

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    I'm so so sorry to hear that your gran has gone. Hug

    I really don't know what to say or suggest because it beggers belief that your family can do that.

    My aunt passed away about 8 months before our wedding and when I heard she had so wanted to live long enough that broke my heart so you must be so upset that your gran isn't here never mind what your family is thinking of doing. They are the ones letting your gran down and not you so just remember that. xx

      

    Hitcher Discount of 10% off available on jewellery and hair accessories.

    www.lynseysdesigns.co.uk     www.facebook.com/lynseysdesigns1

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    Hi, I didn't want to read and run so will just send you my love and I am so sorry this has happened to you.xx



  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    So sorry to hear this, and so close to the wedding aswell. I have no wise words of wisdom for you but wanted to offer some support.

    xxxhugsxxx



    Married since 19.O3.2O11

    Dress for Sale: http://www.preloved.co.uk/adverts/show/104086706/jonathan-james-couture-wedding-dress-1012.html

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    I'm so sorry both about you losing your gran and about how your relatives are behaving now.  I have no advice I'm afraid, just can't believe they would do something like that...Hug

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    aw hun dont really know what to say but hope you feel better soon xxx

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    Hug As PG said, it's them letting your Gran down, not you.  You will have a wonderful day and your Gran would want you to have a fab day.  I would give them a call and say WFT (well a bit nicer!)!

    OM since 8-9-10

     

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    Mrs Spink to be!:

    Hug As PG said, it's them letting your Gran down, not you.  You will have a wonderful day and your Gran would want you to have a fab day.  I would give them a call and say WFT (well a bit nicer!)!

     

     

    I wouldn't be able to say that nicely as I really would mean WTF and worse probably! Giving them a call is a good idea just to express your disappointment although if they changed their minds would you still want them there? xx

      

    Hitcher Discount of 10% off available on jewellery and hair accessories.

    www.lynseysdesigns.co.uk     www.facebook.com/lynseysdesigns1

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    PurrfectGems:

    Mrs Spink to be!:

    Hug As PG said, it's them letting your Gran down, not you.  You will have a wonderful day and your Gran would want you to have a fab day.  I would give them a call and say WFT (well a bit nicer!)!

     

     

    I wouldn't be able to say that nicely as I really would mean WTF and worse probably! Giving them a call is a good idea just to express your disappointment although if they changed their minds would you still want them there? xx

    I don't think I could be nice either, I would go all bridezilla on their ass!  I'm not sure I would even want them there, I would see if I could cancel and save money, if not invite hitchers instead! I do love a good wedding!

    OM since 8-9-10

     

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    Thanks Ladies, you've all really helped!

     

    I am going to speak to them later today but we have already decided that if they change their mind we still wouldn't want them at the wedding now, i'm just shocked that they could do that to my Gran.

    I barely slept last night i was just so angry, but its their loss, and they are the ones who will have to live with what they have done. 

     

     

     

     

  • Re: My Gran's dying wish ignored (not completely O/T)

    i also am sorry and rather appauled that they would allow your gran to spend money on the young lass with a new outfit etc and thennnnnnnnn pull out of the whole thng. How does the flower girls feel about her chance being scuppered??

    Sickens me. They might be letting you down but they are letting down their little girl and that really stinks......

    and yes, I'm sure your grans looking down thinking 'what the hell!??'  familes. we love em and they behave like muppets!

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