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Home > Forums > Wedding Planning Forums > Wedding Planning > oh crap, have I ruined things?

oh crap, have I ruined things?

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  • 09-Mar-2010 20:40

    oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    I am so fed up with my bridesmaids, they don't give a crap about the wedding, not a crap, I have just been cancelled on again for BM dress shopping by one bridesmaid and my youngest bridesmaid is moving abroad - in less than a month....we live all over the UK ...how am I meant to get them all in one place within the next 4 weeks if they keep cancellling on me?

    I love all 3 of them, very much, but I feel so unsupported and I really need them to realise that they only have ONE job to do.

    I sent them this email earlier when I got upset, now I feel really awful, I do want them to be bridesmaids, but I feel like I am supporting them, surely it should be the other way around, especially when 2 of them are my sisters!?

     

    Girls,

    This wedding is making me go grey, I am up to my eyes in wedding stuff  and I really need the three of you to be bridesmaids by supporting me.

    I need you to agree a date for Bridesmaid dresses shopping - I dont care where it is but I need a whole day with all three of you by mid April at the latest as M is leaving the UK -otherwise the dresses will not be made in time and you will not have had time for alterations.

    Can you please decide on a date between you, COMMIT TO IT and let me know so that I can book the time off. If you cannot agree on a date, you will not be a bridesmaid...simples!

    I am sure that I sound like bridezilla, but frankly I don't care, I am so tired and I really need you all to pull your fingers out and start helping me get this sorted. I have a 101 other things to get sorted and I really need to get your dresses done and out of the way, you guys only have ONE thing to get sorted and I have so many other things to do please please please help me get this sorted.

    Thank you in advance
    S

    stupid darn ticker never works!  Now it is just plain lying!!

  • 09-Mar-2010 20:44

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    I wouldn't feel awful about it. You have to be honest at times like this. Especially as two of them are your sisters. I would be exactly the same. Thankfully I'm having one BM and thats my Oh's 13 year old daughter. She will pick the style dress she wants and I will get it made in the right colour!

    Good Luck, and don't feel bad!!!

  • 09-Mar-2010 20:46

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    Thank you Chelle, I am sat here in floods of tears, I wish they actually gave a crap

    stupid darn ticker never works!  Now it is just plain lying!!

  • 09-Mar-2010 20:46

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    I dont think thats unreasonable at all and if I was your bridesmaid and I realised how hard and stressful it was for you I would feel ealy awful and want to get it sorted straight away. If you didnt they would just say that they didnt realise probably.

     

    x

    If you want a Rainbow, you have to put up with the Rain Storm

  • 09-Mar-2010 20:49

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

    • emsa1
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 26-Jan-2010
    • Gloucester
    • Posts 435
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    i hope they get how exasperated you are and all rally round for you. at the end of the day i dont see this as a bridezilla moment at all as you're going shopping for their dresses for them at the end of the day which is a bloody nice thing!! i cannot honestly see why a girl wouldn't want to do this (but maybe that's just me as i love dress shopping for any occasion!!)

    if they dont commit to a date soon scare them and say you'll pick them a peach satin merangue dress with large brown tartan bows all over it and they HAVE to wear it

    :-)  xxxx

  • 09-Mar-2010 20:49

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    LauraSJ:

     if I was your bridesmaid and I realised how hard and stressful it was for you I would feel ealy awful and want to get it sorted straight away.

    If I was someone's bridesmaid I would be really honoured to have even been asked and there was no way I would make it this hard for a bride in the first place

    stupid darn ticker never works!  Now it is just plain lying!!

  • 09-Mar-2010 20:51

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    Oh ekkkk. My honest opinion is that the email could have been wording a bit better but I know it's hard when wedding stress gets too much and emotions take over.

    If it was me I'd phone them and say that you are sorry for the blunt email but the fact still remains you need a date from them.

    Emails can be interrupted in so many ways so something like that would be best done on the phone.

    If I read that email and hadn't had any clue at how frustrating the whole situation had been for you I would be stepping down as bm.

    Obviously you know them and may well know they won't be annoyed by the email and it could give them a kick up the bum. xx

      

    Hitcher Discount of 10% off available on jewellery and hair accessories.

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  • 09-Mar-2010 20:52

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    emsa1:

    if they dont commit to a date soon scare them and say you'll pick them a peach satin merangue dress with large brown tartan bows all over it and they HAVE to wear it

    :-)  xxxx

    Thanks Emsa, you had made laugh Bang head  Laugh and due to the fact that I was crying, snot has gone everywhere!!

    stupid darn ticker never works!  Now it is just plain lying!!

  • 09-Mar-2010 20:55

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    Saracroft251:

    LauraSJ:

     

     if I was your bridesmaid and I realised how hard and stressful it was for you I would feel ealy awful and want to get it sorted straight away.

     

     

    If I was someone's bridesmaid I would be really honoured to have even been asked and there was no way I would make it this hard for a bride in the first place

     

     

    Absolutely- luckily my bridesmaids have been complete gems but it is a massive honour. To be honest, you say they only have one job to do but they shouldnt see it like that. In my opinion being a bridesmaid isnt just about wearing a nice dress and going to a fitting but being your immediate support network on the run up to your wedding and on the day. Also, obviously you love them all, but just because they are your sisters or closest friends doesnt mean they have a right to be your BMs and they need to realise that.

    Dont cry and be sad hun x Hug

    If you want a Rainbow, you have to put up with the Rain Storm

  • 09-Mar-2010 20:57

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    Thanks PG - I know it was really blunt, part of me says it is time they realised that I can't do it all on my own, the other part says I think I should call them tomorrow and explain the timescales and why I am so worried about getting their dresses in time

    stupid darn ticker never works!  Now it is just plain lying!!

  • 09-Mar-2010 21:01

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

    • grace85
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 19-Jan-2010
    • Swindon, Wiltshire
    • Posts 2,399
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    If you've spoken to them about this before (which i think you said you have) then that email was perfectly resonable!

    I don't know if any of them are married or are planning their own wedding but i don't think until you start planning you actually realise how much there is to do.

    If these girls are your sisters and your close friends they will know that you meant it in a "give me a break girls" way not a nasty "brideszilla" way.

    If you don't get any replies then maybe a quick phone call this time tomorrow to say sorry if it came across wrong but this is how you meant it.

    xxx

    Baby girl Step-Mum to M 23/01/2005

  • 09-Mar-2010 21:03

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    Thanks all - you are wonderful Thanks

    X

    stupid darn ticker never works!  Now it is just plain lying!!

  • 09-Mar-2010 21:07

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

    • emsa1
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 26-Jan-2010
    • Gloucester
    • Posts 435
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    Saracroft251:

    emsa1:

     

    if they dont commit to a date soon scare them and say you'll pick them a peach satin merangue dress with large brown tartan bows all over it and they HAVE to wear it

     

    :-)  xxxx

     

     

    Thanks Emsa, you had made laugh Bang head  Laugh and due to the fact that I was crying, snot has gone everywhere!!

     

     

    fab...glad to hear it.....and a good snot never did anyone any harm!!!!!!!

    i have threatened my 6 bridesmaids (including three 4 year olds) with the above if they don't fall into line right from the start :-) hahaha :-)

     

  • 09-Mar-2010 21:20

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    omigod i did the exact same thing! got 4 BMs - sister and 3 cousins, we're all really really close. it was more to do with the hen weekend - they were being really annoying about giving me a date and discussing budgets etc, so i went off on one and wrote them a massive message ending with saying they were 'silly shi*tty bridesmaids'!! this was on a facebook thread. as soon as i sent it i was like 'oh oh' and followed up with an apology explaning i was really stressed. got a couple of decent replies and one sarcastic one saying 'dont worry we've got our entire lives free to sort out your wedding'. set me off in floods of tears and got massively depressed for a few days. felt very unloved and insignificant and as if i am the only one bothered about the wedding (oh, and H2B).

    anyway i'm sitll hurt but we're all ok now and trying to find cheap flights for our weekend away. don't worry, i am sure they will understand and if not then they dont deserve to be BMs! xx

  • 09-Mar-2010 21:25

    Re: oh crap, have I ruined things?

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    Saracroft251:

    Thanks PG - I know it was really blunt, part of me says it is time they realised that I can't do it all on my own, the other part says I think I should call them tomorrow and explain the timescales and why I am so worried about getting their dresses in time

     

     

    It's only blunt if they have had no warning. If you have explained to them before the importance of timescales, why you need their commitment etc etc then the email was more than reasonable.

    Unless they are married themselves they won't understand just how stressful wedding planning can be. Don't give yourself a hard time and just call them. x

      

    Hitcher Discount of 10% off available on jewellery and hair accessories.

    www.lynseysdesigns.co.uk     www.facebook.com/lynseysdesigns1
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