When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

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• 08-Mar-2010 13:53

  When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  Maisy Mouse Joined on 28-Jul-2005 United Kingdom Posts 8,975

  Contact I remember this question being asked at our postnatal group. At the time T was 4 weeks old and the only answer I could think of was "I'm not, I'm just pretending to be." Everyone else was saying stuff like "the first time I gazed into my baby's eyes etc" However, I still feel like I haven't properly 'arrived' at motherhood (for want of a better word). The shoe just doesn't fit yet. When did you feel like you had finally 'become' a mother? Or are you like me in feeling that you're still just playing at it?

• 08-Mar-2010 13:55

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  ColetteG Joined on 15-Jul-2004 United Kingdom Posts 6,222	Contact Difficult one. I am pretty much like you. Sometimes it hits me, H & I have two kids, & it seems weird.

• 08-Mar-2010 13:57

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  **Pip** Joined on 25-Feb-2006 United Kingdom Posts 17,696

  Contact A bit of a weird one for me really, I felt it quite early in my pregnancy. I remember being on a  bus and this drunken man got on and was swaying everywhere, he came near me and I pulled my arms right across my front and thought to myself 'dont you come near my baby!' In more realistic, although sensitive terms, I think when I walked out of the neonatal unit with Theo in my arms. I was so so proud as it was the first time he was out of the ventilator and 'mine'. I felt like I had made a huge decision for him and that was what being a mother was about to me then.   Theo Michael 01.12.08 Eleni Sofia 23.03.10 Jonah Theo 11.04.11 http://www.justgiving.com/theowilson blog here: http://www.simplesite.com/TheosStar

• 08-Mar-2010 14:04

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  Sia* Joined on 05-Mar-2006 United Kingdom Posts 5,655

  Contact When I breastfed her at an hour old I felt very much a Mummy. Ever since then it's been hit and miss, sometimes I forget I am a Mum! I feel too young. I had a bit of a revelation at the weekend though. We had to wait at Hospital for 3 hours for the out of hours GP for P's throat and eye infection. The whole time she spent cuddling me and I felt so protective of her. It was immense. She needed me. Poppy born 22/05/2009 7lb 1oz

• 08-Mar-2010 14:06

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  **Pip** Joined on 25-Feb-2006 United Kingdom Posts 17,696

  Contact Sia*: When I breastfed her at an hour old I felt very much a Mummy. Ever since then it's been hit and miss, sometimes I forget I am a Mum! I feel too young.   I had a bit of a revelation at the weekend though. We had to wait at Hospital for 3 hours for the out of hours GP for P's throat and eye infection. The whole time she spent cuddling me and I felt so protective of her. It was immense. She needed me.   Think you hit the nail on the head there. Theo Michael 01.12.08 Eleni Sofia 23.03.10 Jonah Theo 11.04.11 http://www.justgiving.com/theowilson blog here: http://www.simplesite.com/TheosStar

• 08-Mar-2010 14:08

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  1stBaby Joined on 19-Dec-2005 Posts 11,097	Contact Erm, when I realised she would always need me and that she always comes first. She is my priority. x Mummy to Evie & George

• 08-Mar-2010 14:11

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  MarineGirl Joined on 19-Apr-2006 United Kingdom Posts 12,476

  Contact Interesting question!  And I don't really know the answer... you know what you say about feeling you were pretending?  When R was born, that's just how I felt.  I used to describe it to people, that I felt like I had been given a loan-baby for a practical exam. Like any time someone would turn up, take her away and in her place award me a B+ in a Nannying GCSE!  It didn't feel like I was pretending exactly, or playing - it was far too full on a serious for that - hence I guess why I felt it was like a practical exam! I don't remember when that feeling stopped - but it was months, not weeks.  I don't think anything big happened - I just got used to her being around I guess! Even now though, I don't "feel" like a mother.  But that's in the same way as I don't "feel" like a wife, or a responsible adult   It's the same feeling I got on my birthday "well blow me, I'm thirty-x, how can that be?"  Perhaps when she actually starts to call me Mummy, it will feel like it?  (she can say mummy, and responds to 'where's mummy' correctly - but she doesn't actually call me mummy, iyswim)

• 08-Mar-2010 14:12

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  Snowball Joined on 09-Apr-2004 United Kingdom Posts 5,810

  Contact I think for me, since I finished working and became a SAHM by accident really.  I was made redundant a year ago and spending this extra time with Harvey has made me realise how much he needs me.  This isn't a dig at anyone working as if I hadn't been made redundant I would certainly not have even contemplated being a SAHM, it doesn't suit me 100% really if I'm honest but I'm pg again so for a while yet, I will be home. Harvey is four BTW so it has really taken me a long long time to completely bond and grow to feel that absolute burst of love for him.  I had PND when he was small and then went back to work at seven months so I think that although I 'mothered' him, I was sort of going through the motions for a long time. I would love to have that instant bond with this one, it would mean so much and although I didn't bond instantly with Harvey, I would do utterly anything for him, he is beyond brilliant and I adore him. Harvey born 7 October 2005 - 11 days late - 6lb 10oz Hugo born 25 April  2010 - 12 days late - 8lb 8oz Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. — Ferris Bueller

• 08-Mar-2010 14:15

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  Ronja Joined on 31-Jan-2010 SW London Posts 2,263	Contact I was talking about this yesterday. I now feel like a mummy most of the time - only took 5 months. The first few weeks I was worried that someone would take them away from me because I obviously don't know what I am doing and am way too young (I am in fact the wrong side of 35 so that's clearly hormonal rubbish). Proud mummy to my gorgeous twin girls Rowan and  Willow Oct09

• 08-Mar-2010 14:17

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  Mossy Joined on 27-Jun-2006 United Kingdom Posts 3,993

  Contact I knew after I had her I was 'Mummy' but it didn't feel like it! A was whisked away to NICU and it was another 36 hours before I could see her. It was another 13 days before I could hold her. I wasb't able to look after her so I didn't feel like Mum. If I am honest it wasn't until I went away with A on my own when she was 9/10 months old did I feel like Mum. We had our real bonding time then. I had no nurses or other professionals around me it was just me and her! We haven't looked back since that day! A 3.10.2007 born at 31+1 due to severe PE C 2.9.2010 born at 38+2 (IUGR) O 16.2.2012 at 38+2 (Obstetric cholestasis )

• 08-Mar-2010 14:36

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  sn-itchit Joined on 25-Feb-2010 Posts 1,907	Contact Ask me in a year.  I feel very potective towards Ethan, I love him, and I know he needs me - but I still don't feel grown up enough to be a Mum.  But then I still don't feel grown up enough to own a house or be married

• 08-Mar-2010 15:31

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  godmother Joined on 21-Mar-2006 At the bottom of a hill - United Kingdom Posts 16,128	Contact For me it wasa the evening of the day he arrived. H had gone home (10pm), J and I were alone in the hospital and it was 'ME' who was having to look after him. Eliza Doolittle: Come on, Dover, move yer blooming ar$e! 06 09 My blog: http://dopeyanddizzy.wordpress.com/

• 08-Mar-2010 15:57

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  bookgirl Joined on 05-Jan-2006 United Kingdom Posts 5,336

  Contact I was discussing that boarding school documentary with H and I told him If he was to insist on Izzy going to boarding school at age 8 (or at all!), I'd rather leave him than send her away from me. At that point I knew I really did put my daughter first above everyone and everything else and I did feel like a mummy. I do feel like a child playing house with a verydemanding doll sometimes though!

• 08-Mar-2010 16:35

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  Sparkling Joined on 30-Jun-2004 United Kingdom Posts 23,195	Contact not until i brought Eleanor home.  I was very much visiting a baby for the first 5 months.  Then suddenly i was responsible for her. I remember the first time a Dr called me Mum when she ended up being back in hospital and I realised they were talking to me as I was the only female in the room. i'm curious to see how this will be this time.

• 08-Mar-2010 16:38

  Re: When did you feel like you had 'become' a mother?

  Madonna Joined on 30-Sep-2003 United Kingdom Posts 23,862	Contact Some time in the past year I think, in my heart, though obv I was performing all the functions before then. I think it's when we had a reciprocal relationship starting, and I could see how I affected the person she was becoming, and vice versa. Inspired by Sofie, Milo and all my angels, most recently Joe http://www.justgiving.com/JoeDonn/ Ideas and donations welcome x