Firstly a massive 
for all your messages, never have I been so glad to know a bunch of internet weirdies as I have been in the last few days - being on a post-natal ward full of newborns and all their well wishers really sucks when you have no baby with you, your H is over at the other hospital seeing the baby, and your parents are looking after the rest of your children so you have no visitors, reading them whilst I was stuck at Chase Farm kept me going, although they did reduce me to a teary mess.
Your vibes worked as despite the chronic understaffing the very nice ward manager pulled strings and convinced the ambulance crew to take me without escort to Barnet so I was whisked over under blue lights and got to see the lo by 5 on Wednesday afternoon.
It is/was very hard to walk back into the NICU at Barnet, there are still staff there who remember us from when Jonny was there in 05 which in a way is nice but being back in there with the alarms going etc just brought back every memory we have of the first few days of Jonny and Thomas's life (although they were in different NICU's to this one) which were just so bleak, and no real shock I had a complete emotional meltdown on Weds night after H had gone home. Barnet had the decency to put me in a side room so no newborns, but by the time the mw came in to do my obs and asked how I was the answer was almost 5 hours of sobbing, she was fab and actually having let it all out and destroyed several boxes of tissues, multiple cups of tea I felt a hell of a lot better and managed to get some decent uninterrupted sleep.
On a more cheery note our baby boy is doing well - still no name, H is threatening to call him voldemort unless I have a name by the time we get over there today! He's still on CPAP but only in air, they are going to try cycling him off it for a few hours today to see how he copes but his chest is really cavitating when he breathes so I think it will be a week or two before we can ditch it all together. He's up to 1ml of ebm every 3 hours and tolerating it well. No brady's / apnoea's / pda / ivh / fluctuating bp / jaundice (for those who've had a prem you'll know what a relief this all is), in fact all he is on right now is antibiotics as a precaution until they get the cultures back today and caffeine to wake him up. We know it's still early days and boy do we know how quickly things can change so we're taking it a day at a time but so far so good.
Best news his lovely nurse let him out for cuddles yesterday 
, he behaved so well he was out for an hour and a half! Was fab - esp as the first time I got Jonny out he apnoead and pulled out his vent so a much better experience.
I made the decision to come home last night, it is much much harder doing this with the other 3 at home, and the deciding factor was talking to Bobby on the phone yesterday afternoon and him asking if I was coming home ever to read him a story. So we're trying to work out a routine that allows us to get to the NICU and spend time with the others and fit in my expressing, thank god for my parents and brother who are pitching in to look after the boys. Unfortunately due to swine flu the NICU is only allowing parents in to visit which is hard as Bobby is struggling with the concept that the baby is here but in a special box (you try explaining an incubator to a nearly 3 yr old).
Once we have a name I'll let you know but in the meantime if you can think of something that fits with the others (Jonathan Peter (Jonny), Thomas Jack, Robert Deighton (Bobby) abd Dylan Michael feel free to suggest.
Finally here is his first picture taken by H once he's been stabilised on the vent at about 45 mins old
CLxx
Jonny & 
Thomas 25+6 2004, Bobby 38+4 2007, Dylan 38+2 2008, Matthew 31+0 2009