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AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

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  • AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    A girl I worked with  found out she was pregnant not long after I had A so I gave her all the neutral newborn clothes I had bought and not used or barely used as A grew  to big for them.  She went on to have a girl so I gave her bags and bags of girls clothes/bibs/crib bedding/bottles (we BF) even things like toilettries and swim nappies we werent using.  I knew the girl was tight for money so I was trying to give her as much as possible. 

    Her LO was only 2 months old when I found out I was pregnant again.  Her LO is now about 8 months and she hasnt offered me anything back, either things I gave her or anything she bought herself that her LO has out grown.

    We hadnt planned on having another (certainly not so soon) so thats another reason I gave her the clothes etc but I kinda expected to at least be offered some back when I told her I was pregnant again. 

    I only have 2 hats and 2 babygrows in NB size left that were A's so have had to buy everything new again.

    I am annoyed on one hand she hasnt offered but then on the other I gave them to her so its up to her what she does with them.  I do have a feeling she has sold them on though as she mentioned she was selling as much as possible while she was on ML.

    Would you be annoyed?

  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    I think that if you gave them as a gift then you cant expect them back.

    If you loaned them to her then I would expect her to offer to return them to you.

  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    If I gave someone a load of stuff that I was no longer using, I think that I would assume that they would do what they wanted with it, unless I specifically said to them that I would like it back once they had finished.

    I gave all my maternity clothes to a friend, and was very lucky that although she had lent them to friends after she had used them, she had most of them returned to her, so could give them back to me.

    We are going to be giving some bits and pieces to my brother and his GF who are due a baby about 7 months after ours is born, but we will be saying to them that we want it all back again when they have finished as we *may* have another (and even if we don't, I would want to try selling it to recoup some cost!).

    I think I probably would be a bit fed up in your situation, but probably more cross with myself for not making it clear that I wanted the things back (if that makes sense?).

    Have you tried asking her if she has any bits left?  That is what I did with the maternity clothes, I just asked her if she still had them, and if so could I have them back.

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  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    • Splosh
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 23-Apr-2003
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 9,656

    Whilst I can see where you are coming from & it would have been nice for her to return the favour, you did say that she was strapped for cash when you gave her all the stuff & sold some whilst on ML. SO I don't think I would be annoyed.

    I know I was given loads of stuff when J was born. Some of it she had never even worn! I have since given some of it away to other friends who have had babies. I can't say I would expect any of it back now that I'm preg with #2.

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  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    • DebsC
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 25-Aug-2004
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 1,318

    I think it is really cheeky - yes you gave them to her, but you were being kind and she should have asked if you wanted them back before she sold them.

    At the very least, now you are PG she should have said - oh sorry, I sold all your stuff, or something similar!

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  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    See thats why I think I shouldnt be annoyed, I didnt say I wanted any of it back.  Unlike the FP swing and bigger equipment I loaned to my cousin, when I gave them up I made a point of saying "just let me know when you are finished with them and I will collect them"  making the point I would like them back. 

     

    Its just for the fact she knew I was pregnant even before her LO would have outgrown the stuff I gave her and she hasnt offered. 

    Suppose its my own fault for being to presumptuous we wouldnt have another really!

  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    My niece is 3 months younger than Iz so we passed her clothes to my sister.  My sister asked if I wanted them back but we dont have space anywhere so she is storing them for us.

    Has she sold the clothes?  I am skimming the text from work.  If you dont know for sure that she has sold them, could you ask her for them back just on the off chance that she has them still?

     

  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    It's frustrating but I agree that if you didn't make it clear it was a loan then it's fair enough for her to do what she wants with the stuff.

    I've been really mean and not given / lent anything other than the moses basket stand to my sister who has recently also had a girl.  I hate to think of stuff being given back worn out when we've hardly used it.  I'm pregnant again and my mum said the other day 'I suppose if you have a boy you'll be able to give Emma all Hannah's clothes as you won't need them' and I still said no I won't just in case we decide to go for a 3rd, have a girl and find all the clothes are wrecked Embarrassed

  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    I think she has sold them as she mentioned a few things like she was selling as much as possible, needs the money and doesnt have the space.

    I dropped hints like cant believe I gave everything away and now I need it again, perfect timing for her to offer and she didnt so assume its all gone.

  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    • Alexm
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 04-Jul-2005
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 6,161

    I don' t think you can expect it back given that it wasn't a loan.  However I would have expected her to at least acknowledge the situation in some way.

    To be honest I would also be pretty p*ssed off with someone selling my stuff and keeping the money (although sure IABU).  Most of our stuff is 2nd hand and in many cases it is doing the rounds of family and friends.  There are some people who have said they don't want it back and we should sell it when we've finished.  Most of the stuff I have donated to our charity shop and the stuff I have sold I have given the money to charity.  I feel very uncomfortable profiting out of someone else's stuff iyswim.  We could really do with the money as well but it seems wrong.

  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    i think i can understand from both sides.

    on one hand i myself wouldnt give clothes away to someone expecting them to come back to me.. id give the bits that i felt i had got my use out of but wouldnt put on another child but are perfectly good to sell on/give to charity..

    however it sounds like you have given good stuff away,

    the  only thing i can suggest is if you want it back maybe say to the women. you understand she may have passed on a few of the bits you gave her  but would it be possible if she does have any bits left she is no longer using weather you could have them back .

    i dont see that as a problem.. she is not psycic..

    also just to add if someone had given me clothses and never said they wanted them back i would have forwarded them on ( not that anyone i knew had kids so i like you had to get everything 1st hand)

     

     

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  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    Thanks for your views ladies.  I myself can see both sides and I wouldnt even be thinking about it, would never expect them back, if she didnt know I was pregnant again and I think I am more annoyed at the fact that even when she knew I was pregnant again she didnt offer any of it back.  Even if she has sold them on, which I suppose she has a right to do as I did GIVE them to her, you would think she would acknowledge it ie sorry Id give you that stuff back but I have passed it on.

     

     

     

  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    • RV73
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 12-Oct-2009
    • Posts 175

    I was really upset that somone threw away my maternity clothes which I said were only on loan and they were never replaced.

    A friend gave me all her baby boy things after she finished having kids then along came number 3...I said I was relevied it was a girl to save me going in the loft and sorting everything out but bought her a load of nice girly things.

    If you loaned them is there any way you could ask for them back...she may be wanting rid ofthem now herself...but otherwise if you said they were hers for good then if she's disposed of the m alreayd then she isn't to blame.(sorry) You can have some of my stuff if you want.

  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    I think she should at least ask whether you want them back or not. I was given some maternity clothes with J by a friend and after he was born, I asked her whether she wanted them back - she said no but I felt it was courteous to check.

    It does mean you get to choose some lovely new bits though!

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  • Re: AIBU - given away all newborn clothes etc

    Have you asked her if she still has any of them? Maybe she just doesn't realise you want them back...

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