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Bounced from forever ago - but some fab advice Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

Metoo
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  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    handbag:
     I will do my best to 'go with the flow', it will be hard as I love to plan ahead!

    Me too!  Just divert that impulse to other areas - batch cooking, or for me - buying enough cotton wool to last her first year!  Then you still get to indulge your control freak side.  You're reading hypnobirthing stuff, yes?  Try to pay extra attention to the surrender elements re birth in there - and carry it on.  I still find plenty to control - like making sure we go out, organising clothes cupboards, re-arranging rooms, deciding on MY routine - I just don't decide on hers!  But there's plenty of scope to plan still, it's just all around her!

  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    MarineGirl:

    handbag:
     I will do my best to 'go with the flow', it will be hard as I love to plan ahead!

     

    Me too!  Just divert that impulse to other areas - batch cooking, or for me - buying enough cotton wool to last her first year!  Then you still get to indulge your control freak side.  You're reading hypnobirthing stuff, yes?  Try to pay extra attention to the surrender elements re birth in there - and carry it on.  I still find plenty to control - like making sure we go out, organising clothes cupboards, re-arranging rooms, deciding on MY routine - I just don't decide on hers!  But there's plenty of scope to plan still, it's just all around her!

    That's so what I did too! It's the wise one again Wink

     

  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    We never really had a routine with L for the first couple of months when it came to sleeping.. He was FF though and he fell into a 4 hourly routine with feeds. We always let him sleep in his bouncer/pram/on us and took him up to bed when we went.

    At about 9 weeks we started a bedtime routine of bath, bottle, story, bed and he took to it really well.. We didn't need to do that from day one.

    Baby boy Leo Henry - Aug 08

    Baby girl Martha Holli - Oct 10

  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    I wouldn't worry about any routine at all in the early days as the others have said. It's hard enough muddling through them anyway without worrying about what a baby should be doing and when. Looking back now I realise I had very specific expectations about what the baby should have been doing, despite not having read any books and it just thoroughly stressed me. The only way I could get through was to let go of any expectations whatsoever and tell myself that yes he may still be awake at 4am but that's just the way it was going to be at that time and I had to go with it.

    Now we're at just over 6 months and Toby has sort of set his own routine. We noticed that he goes into tired meltdown at 8pmish so we start his bath about 7.15 then he has a feed then bed. He also in theory should have a morning and an afternoon nap as he's horribly grouchy if not, but often doesn't concur with me on that one! Now he's on 3 meals a day, I guess we have a bit more structure as well, but even now I don't worry if we deviate too much from his 'routine'. I'm too disorganised to get the same things done at the same time every day!

  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    • lambi
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 17-Feb-2008
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 9,576

    MarineGirl:

    handbag:
     I will do my best to 'go with the flow', it will be hard as I love to plan ahead!

      organising clothes cupboards, re-arranging rooms,

    So glad I'm not the only one who does this!! That's a good tip to use the hypnobirthing stuff. I'm finding it is helping loads in the run up to the birth ie. I'm not scared and feel very relaxed about it.

    Baby boy February 2009 - 36+0 - 6lb 12oz - Emergency CS Baby boy

    Baby girl August 2011 - 39+2 - 8lb 13oz - VBAC Baby girl

  • RERe: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    • Marla
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 29-Sep-2005
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 4,035

    I drove myself mad in the early days trying to understand what my baby;s routine was - in short,he didn't have one and every day was different.  I'd be a lot more relaxed and go with the flow if I had another baby.  For some bizarre reason I kind of expected to have one of those placid babies I know exist - well Zac was more of a 'spirited' kind of guy and accepting that that's just how he was was the first step towards understanding him - there's no way I could have planned for that in advance so I htik you just have to wait and see what kind of baby yours is.

     Also, beware that trying to institute a routine is actually harder work at first then not having one.  In the early days I used to go to bed with Zac at around 9pm and cluster feed him while watching TV  until about  midnight when he (and I!) would crash out.  When I started introducing a bedtime routine at around 7 weeks which meant that all feeds after 7pm were done in the bedroom/lights dimmed/no TV or other distractions - it meant that I was spending a lot of time running up and down the stairs and feeding in the dark with no TV or even enough light to read was a bit isolating.  We went with it because Zac used to get really ratty and distressed in the evenings and putting him down after 7 meant he settled better, got more sleep and was therefore more rested and happy - so even that was baby led really.

  • Re: RERe: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    • catcat
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 30-Apr-2006
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 8,051

    Marla:

    I drove myself mad in the early days trying to understand what my baby;s routine was - in short,he didn't have one and every day was different.  I'd be a lot more relaxed and go with the flow if I had another baby.  For some bizarre reason I kind of expected to have one of those placid babies I know exist - well Zac was more of a 'spirited' kind of guy and accepting that that's just how he was was the first step towards understanding him - there's no way I could have planned for that in advance so I htik you just have to wait and see what kind of baby yours is.

    Very much WMS.... W was a very similar baby to this and I wasted days trying to work out how to make him more placid and settled... I should have just realised that W is W and to go with what he needed (didn't help that every other baby in our NCT group slept when put down, never seems to shout for food etc etc -  W did and does none of that!!!)  Now I have got the 'stuff what the manuals say', 'I know what W needs' attitude- we have much happier times of it.

    He has also found his own rhythm (from about 15wks) and pretty much has a routine now which really is his routine - so it works much better than any one I could have tried to instill in him. xxx

     




  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    I'm due about the same time as you are, and was worrying about settling a newborn and what to do in the early days. I've just had my NHS parentcraft classes, and I think I've been very lucky because my midwife's first piece of advice was that newborn's are struggling enough learning what it is to be in the "outside world" that they don't need to left crying or forced to feed/sleep when they don't want to! She actually recommended that if anyone bought the Gina Ford book they shouldn't read it until the baby is at least 6 months old because by then we'd realise what a load of rubbish it is!

    Have you had antenatal classes (NHS or NCT) yet? I found having the opportunity to meet other mums and have them ask questions that I'd considered obvious due to the amount of information i've picked up by lurking on Hitched made me feel better. It sounds horrible but  I feel a lot better prepared now that I've met other mums and found out how totally clueless some of them were before the classes.

    We were all given the DVD of the video that you can download from this site http://www.bestbeginnings.info/ and that seems to have some good BF advice (though of course I haven't had to use it yet!)

    And don't forget there is the oracle of hitched to refer to whenever something doesn't seem right. 

  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    • lambi
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 17-Feb-2008
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 9,576

    Bouncing this thread too, I won't bouncy anymore random posts I promise, but this one was really useful to me too. I actually got to enjoy the newborn days with E despite our difficulties and I put a lot of it down to the advice I got on here. 

    This advice from MG re. diverting my controlling impulse into other things was fab and something I've passed on to lots of friends, E's wardrobe was ALWAYS very organised, his routine was not, and we were very relaxed because of it! 

    MarineGirl:

    handbag:
     I will do my best to 'go with the flow', it will be hard as I love to plan ahead!

     

    Me too!  Just divert that impulse to other areas - batch cooking, or for me - buying enough cotton wool to last her first year!  Then you still get to indulge your control freak side.  You're reading hypnobirthing stuff, yes?  Try to pay extra attention to the surrender elements re birth in there - and carry it on.  I still find plenty to control - like making sure we go out, organising clothes cupboards, re-arranging rooms, deciding on MY routine - I just don't decide on hers!  But there's plenty of scope to plan still, it's just all around her!

    Baby boy February 2009 - 36+0 - 6lb 12oz - Emergency CS Baby boy

    Baby girl August 2011 - 39+2 - 8lb 13oz - VBAC Baby girl

  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    • Metoo
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 05-Oct-2004
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 4,676

    honestly, even a bedtime routine with a second newborn is I think quite difficult - so yes you may be being a bit mad!

     

    Seriously, I do not particularly do routine (not organised enough) but equally I do not think GF is the devil or mothers that follow her are awful, just leave their babies to cry etc.  I have seen friends do it and it has worked extrememly well for first babies, but the key to all routines is consistancy and its pretty difficult to be consistant with baby number two when you still have child number one to deal with (in my experience anyway!).

     

    So for example by four months Harriet was having a bath, quiet time, feed and sleep every night before bed and going to bed at 8pm most nights, but with Reuben that just is too difficult to implement!  If Harriet got tired before 8, I could just to the routine earlier, and if she had had a late nap, and wasn't tired I could do it a bit later, but with R I don't have the flexibility in that way because it knocks into Harriet's bedtime, so for example the other night by 715 R was looking tired, I had two choices, put him to bed then, and hope he was in bed asleep by the time I needed to start putting H to bed (usually i bath her at about 730), or try to push him through until after h had gone down (but that is often not till 830 if she is the mood to faff).  I went with the former but that meant no bath, no quiet time, just into PJs, feed and pleading him to go to sleep quickly so I could go and deal with her! (which to be fair to the man he duely did!).  Feeding routines have been impossible because its been about feeding him when its convienant not when he necessarily needs it, so feeding him before we leave to take her to nursery, or go to her swimming lesson, or go out to meet friends at the farm, so that I don't have to deal with a hungry baby on the bus as well as keeping control of the toddler (who can be good but can also have her moments!), this means that while naturally he goes about three hours between feeds its much more randam on the days with her in that he gets fed after only 2 and half hours, because that is when its convienant and it will not be half an hour later iyswim.

     

    As I said I am not anti routine at all, but I think that I would have found anything approaching a routine with a second child very difficult, and in reality I have found it easier to fit him in around her, and am working on the priniciple that as he gets older and starts eating food at mealtimes etc, he will naturally fall into her routine so this problem will right itself - so I can bath them both together and do a bedtime routine with both of them for example, they will eat their meals at the same time etc.  But until then he really doesn't have a routine at all...and actually sleeps and settles slightly better than his big sister ever did (although neither of them are these miricle sleep through the night at three months type of children)

  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    • Metoo
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 05-Oct-2004
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 4,676

    honestly, even a bedtime routine with a second newborn is I think quite difficult - so yes you may be being a bit mad!


    Seriously, I do not particularly do routine (not organised enough) but equally I do not think GF is the devil or mothers that follow her are awful, just leave their babies to cry etc.  I have seen friends do it and it has worked extrememly well for first babies, but the key to all routines is consistancy and its pretty difficult to be consistant with baby number two when you still have child number one to deal with (in my experience anyway!).


    So for example by four months Harriet was having a bath, quiet time, feed and sleep every night before bed and going to bed at 8pm most nights, but with Reuben that just is too difficult to implement!  If Harriet got tired before 8, I could just to the routine earlier, and if she had had a late nap, and wasn't tired I could do it a bit later, but with R I don't have the flexibility in that way because it knocks into Harriet's bedtime, so for example the other night by 715 R was looking tired, I had two choices, put him to bed then, and hope he was in bed asleep by the time I needed to start putting H to bed (usually i bath her at about 730), or try to push him through until after h had gone down (but that is often not till 830 if she is the mood to faff).  I went with the former but that meant no bath, no quiet time, just into PJs, feed and pleading him to go to sleep quickly so I could go and deal with her! (which to be fair to the man he duely did!).  Feeding routines have been impossible because its been about feeding him when its convienant not when he necessarily needs it, so feeding him before we leave to take her to nursery, or go to her swimming lesson, or go out to meet friends at the farm, so that I don't have to deal with a hungry baby on the bus as well as keeping control of the toddler (who can be good but can also have her moments!), this means that while naturally he goes about three hours between feeds its much more randam on the days with her in that he gets fed after only 2 and half hours, because that is when its convienant and it will not be half an hour later iyswim.


    As I said I am not anti routine at all, but I think that I would have found anything approaching a routine with a second child very difficult, and in reality I have found it easier to fit him in around her, and am working on the priniciple that as he gets older and starts eating food at mealtimes etc, he will naturally fall into her routine so this problem will right itself - so I can bath them both together and do a bedtime routine with both of them for example, they will eat their meals at the same time etc.  But until then he really doesn't have a routine at all...and actually sleeps and settles slightly better than his big sister ever did (although neither of them are these miricle sleep through the night at three months type of children)

  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    I was reading the OP and thinking "but you've done all this once, why are you worrying about routines this time" and then realised ...

    Apologies for lack of capital letters - Zoe has stolen my shift key Huh?

  • Re: Does this sound like a good approach to newborn routine?!

    • lambi
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 17-Feb-2008
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 9,576
    Sorry jb! I'll still be taking on metoos advice! I won't bounce anymore threads from the days of yore but these two were particularly useful to me so will hopefully be for someone else. Lots of good advice!

    Baby boy February 2009 - 36+0 - 6lb 12oz - Emergency CS Baby boy

    Baby girl August 2011 - 39+2 - 8lb 13oz - VBAC Baby girl

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