UPDATED - Is depression / anxiety still as much of a stigma as it once was?

I've gradually been reducing my ADs (escitalopram) over the last 6 months or so. I'm down to about 1 10mg tablet every ao days, and I only need that as I get really bad dizzy spells if I don't have it. The reason I was on those tablets was for agoraphobia and social phobia. Basically I couldn't go anywhere without my husband, not even to the corner shop. I ended up having about 2 months of work with it last year. The medication worked wonders, I finished my uni course and got a job I loved, and all was well (ish). I then decided that I felt well enough to come off them, thus gradually reducing the dose. The only side effects I have since coming off them was the dizzy spells, but over th last few weeks I've noticed a lot of familliar issues cropping up, causing me to have a few wibbles and not feeling 'quite right'. I then had a huge panic attack about going to work this morning and even shouted at one of my colleagues for trying to give me a hug (I've been off for a week, but I hadn't seen him in ages). It really isn't like me at all to be like that, but it was due to the fact that I was still having my panic attack and I hate people being in my aura as he was then, even at the best of times, so really he didn't stand a chance this morning.

I've been sent home this morning (due to needing diazepam to cort my back pain out) and I've sobbed. I went to see my sister (one of the only other people I'd feel comfortable with, she is also a trained psychotherapist) and I sobbed to her too. I know I need to go back on my medication, but i'm so scared that it will be for life. I don't want to be on it for life. I have lots of issues from my childhood that need resolving, but never will be, and they are my trigger for my current state of mind. I want to catch this before it gets worse and as dibilitating as before, but I'm so scared that this is it.

Sorry for rambling, but is depression & anxiety a stigma, I honsetly don't know because I'm so blinkered by whats going on.

Updated:

Well, I went to my GP this morning and explained it all. He looked at me so sincerely and said to me 'will you please go back on your medication?' and when he said that I felt a massive weight being lifted. I honestly thought he wasn't going to give a toss, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

Thanks for all the support yesterday, seeing counsellor on wednesday and wiating for my sister to get back to me with some CBT info.

Its not as much of one as it used to be, but there are still a lot of people that dont understand (or refuse to)

Im wondering if the problem is more that you are worried that you think it is a stigma? Obviously part of the depression/anxiety issues are worrying about what other people think if us. I think its a good idea to try and not think about what other people think as its enough dealing with how you are feeling yourself.

Its good that you are noticing things are slipping and that you need some help. I think some help to deal with the childhood issues will help somewhat, at least admitting to the issues can help (it helped me).

Take one step at a time, thinking in short periods of time may help, it might not be forever that you have to take them, but worrying about it now wont change anything. Think about the next few weeks and setting up things to help get through those weeks, dont worry about the future at the moment.

Things have moved on a lot in the last 30 years, with these disorders being far more understood and accepted.

I think there will always be an element of stigma, well, probably for as long as some people use it as an excuse to swing the lead (not suggesting you are).

I think it's only a stimga if you want it to be.  Perhaps because I'd been around depression in my last job, and also it was openly talked about when I was studying counselling and psychotherapy it's not something I have any hang-ups about.  My brother, on the other hand, is very hung up on it - constantly reassuring everyone that he wasn't a 'fruitcake' or 'mad' or many other colourful terms.

Personally I don't see the problem in taking a tablet for the rest of your life.  If you were diabetic you wouldn't think twice about it - you'd just accept it and take the medication to help your body.  Same goes for the brain.  It's a chemical imbalance, and the medication helps sort it out, so cutting back or stopping your medication could result in the same symptoms recurring.  

Is there a reason for not wanting to take medication long-term, possibly the rest of your life?  No-one needs to know about it other than your GP.  Not even your husband if you'd rather him not kw

.... sorry, my laptop wouldn't let me type anymore!  Very odd! 

I was saying that no-one else need know, not even your husband.  But it sounds like he knows already.

Take care of yourself Ruth.  If your medication helps, please take it.  After seeing first hand how debilitating depression is for a family member, I'd hate to think you could be feeling well, but weren't.

Have you ever tried cognitive behaviour therapy?  I suffered with anxiety for several years before I sought help and it was the best thing I ever did, that was a couple of years ago and I really haven't looked back.  It took a lot of courage to make that first phonecall but when the time came that I felt I wanted to confront the problem, I felt the need to get on with it there and then so I paid for private sessions rather than going through the NHS, which got me seen more quickly and I couldn't back out.  It really was the best thing I've done.

In terms of the social stigma around depression/anxiety, I certainly think things have come a long way and it more 'acceptable' these days.  There are definitely still people who don't understand it though, but a lot of the time that's because they haven't been affected by it themselves, so it's understandable.

I think provided YOU don't feel that there's a stigma attached to it, then there isn't.  Certainly when I was seeking help, I didn't go around with it tatooed on my forehead and I didn't shout about it, but I didn't keep it a secret.  My husband, sister, parents, inlaws and close friends knew because we all tend to talk very openly about things.  I didn't see it as something to be embarassed about.  As others have pointed out - if you had diabetes you'd take medication, the brain is no different.  Why go through life suffering when you don't have to.

I hope you begin to feel better, and are able to get some help in dealing with the issues that cause you to feel this way... you don't have to suffer alone or in silence.

it's not all-or-nothing with the pills.  If you go back on them now, you're treating your condition - which is a good thing to do - AND it doesn't mean that it's for life.  The chances are, it won't be.

Why can't the issues from your childhood be resolved?  Have you had counselling?  I'd second the recommendation for CBT as it can really help change unhelpful ways of thinking.

Oh Ruth, darling, I really feel for you. I think in some ways it's far less of a stigma now than it was- owing perhaps to increased awareness through media and for teh fact that better diagnoses and awreness have resulted in an inscreased number of people beiong recognised as suffering form it. On the other hand though, the awareness aspect and the 'labelling' of it doesn't always help. I remember when I was very small asking my father one day what was wrong with my great gran, who was displatying odd behaviour at a family gathering. This incident was described to me as granny having an 'attack of the vapours' and when I was older, I was told that she was of 'a nervous disposition'. Now, it seems clear to me now that she had some kind of anxiety disorder, but I often wonder whether she would have been helped or hindered had she had the kind of treatment and medication that such a diagnosis would prompt nowadays. (She lived, on the whole a very happy life, until she was 98 incidentally).

I do feel very strongly about de-stigmatising mental health issues, and I will pull people up when I hear ignorant comments being made. However, I must confess to being an utter hypocrite in this reagrd. I recently started on medication myself (effexor) for panic attacks, yet I haven't told anyone at work. On the days when I need to see my doctor or my counsellor, I take a half day's holiday, and I have even invented one fictitious dentist's appointment as a cover story. I can't really articulate why, to be honest. My employers are very sympathetic people, yet I don't want them to have any insight into these particular problems. I guess for as long as there are scaredy-cats like me out there, the issues will continue to attract feelings of shame and misunderstandings and ignorance will abound.

I really hope you feel better soon Ruth- you've come so far and done so so well.

Thank you all so very very much, you really are wonderful!

Dinx - I did consider CBT when I was talking /sobbing to my sister earler, she is going to ask some of her colleagues for reccommendations.

I tried counselling last year, and my counsellor was awful. She was late for appointments, finished our sessions a lot earlier and was just downright woeful.

My issues from my childhood will only ever be resolved if my parents take responsibility for their actions, and they never ever will, so I know I won't 'get over' what happened, I would like to be able to deal with / accept it and continue with my life.

In terms of the stigma issue, I guess I just need to be prepared that this could be a lifetime issue (illness??) that needs medicating. Just as it would with diabetes etc

Thank you to all those who have shared your experiences, I shall be off to the GP in the morning and getting a new prescription.

  As people have said no-one apart from you, your GP, any counsellor and anyone else you want to tell needs to know.

I know what you mean about not wanting to be on tablets for life.  I keep thinking that maybe I should go back to the doctor but I don't want to just be stuck on tablets and sent away.  I think if you're predisposed to depression it's never going to go away fully but you can do so many things to try and keep it at bay, such as going out, exercise, hobbies etc.

Good luck at the doctor

I don't think there is as much stigma as there used to be surrounding mental health issues, however I hide mine and only tell people where I feel it's really necessary, so I'm a bit hypocritical about it.

I think you should ask about CBT, it was the best treatment I found for my anxiety and phobia.  I am doing things now that would have been impossible for me before treatment.  I think it might be useful in helping you acheive your aim of dealing with what happened, it's very much about changing the way you think about things and can change your whole perspective on things that have happened, and how you deal with things.

Good luck at the Doctor's

Ruth, you're right that you'll probably never change your parents.  But you can change yourself, and come to terms with stuff.  Really, it is possible.  Even being able to tell someone all of it, without worrying what they think of you, can help so much.

princess layabout:

Ruth, you're right that you'll probably never change your parents.  But you can change yourself, and come to terms with stuff.  Really, it is possible.  Even being able to tell someone all of it, without worrying what they think of you, can help so much.

The thing is, there is so much to tell, and it is all so complicated that I even get myself confused. and when I'm trying to tell someone my history, in the back of my mind I'm thinking 'why oh why are they listening to me droning on about my crappy childhood, surely they can't be interested', and then I tend to clam up. And then I start thinking that my reasons for seeing a counsellor/needing medication are stupid and not valid and deserving of the attention.

All I want is to feel safe, and there are only a few people I can feel safe with. Is feeling safe too much to ask?

Thankfully at the moment my off days are intermittant, some days are good, but I'm getting more bad days than good at the moment.....

Ruth, if you find the right counsellor they will be more than interested in listening and in trying to help you.

If you need an outsider to 'drone' on to please shout me, I'm a good listener x

I've just booked an session with an independant counsellor in a recognised counselling practice in the next town to where I live. However I may well be calling on hitched ears (eyes??) whilst I'm having the couselling, especially if it left me feeling as crap as last time.

Thanks all.