I've gradually been reducing my ADs (escitalopram) over the last 6 months or so. I'm down to about 1 10mg tablet every ao days, and I only need that as I get really bad dizzy spells if I don't have it. The reason I was on those tablets was for agoraphobia and social phobia. Basically I couldn't go anywhere without my husband, not even to the corner shop. I ended up having about 2 months of work with it last year. The medication worked wonders, I finished my uni course and got a job I loved, and all was well (ish). I then decided that I felt well enough to come off them, thus gradually reducing the dose. The only side effects I have since coming off them was the dizzy spells, but over th last few weeks I've noticed a lot of familliar issues cropping up, causing me to have a few wibbles and not feeling 'quite right'. I then had a huge panic attack about going to work this morning and even shouted at one of my colleagues for trying to give me a hug (I've been off for a week, but I hadn't seen him in ages). It really isn't like me at all to be like that, but it was due to the fact that I was still having my panic attack and I hate people being in my aura as he was then, even at the best of times, so really he didn't stand a chance this morning.
I've been sent home this morning (due to needing diazepam to cort my back pain out) and I've sobbed. I went to see my sister (one of the only other people I'd feel comfortable with, she is also a trained psychotherapist) and I sobbed to her too. I know I need to go back on my medication, but i'm so scared that it will be for life. I don't want to be on it for life. I have lots of issues from my childhood that need resolving, but never will be, and they are my trigger for my current state of mind. I want to catch this before it gets worse and as dibilitating as before, but I'm so scared that this is it.
Sorry for rambling, but is depression & anxiety a stigma, I honsetly don't know because I'm so blinkered by whats going on.
Well, I went to my GP this morning and explained it all. He looked at me so sincerely and said to me 'will you please go back on your medication?' and when he said that I felt a massive weight being lifted. I honestly thought he wasn't going to give a toss, but I couldn't have been more wrong.
Thanks for all the support yesterday, seeing counsellor on wednesday and wiating for my sister to get back to me with some CBT info.