IVFers and other DTCers - a couple of questions

Will you tell your LOs that they were conceived through IVF or other fertility treatment?  We've been quite open with family and friends about having IVF but when we discussed telling the BBs, Mr BG was quite adament that we shouldn't tell them they were IVF babies.  He said they don't need to know.  I always thought we would tell them as we've been so open with everyone else about it. 

The other thing is I have noticed I have been more guarded about it now I'm pregnant than I was before - I suppose expecting twins I've had so many people that I either don't know at all or barely know ask if they're IVF babies as soon as I tell them it's twins (I suppose I didn't discuss my fertility with complete strangers!).  I'm finding more and more often I lie - not because I'm embarrassed about the treatment that we've had but because I don't think it's anyones business.  I can easily lie as I have twins in my family on both my Mum and Dad's side so just go down the "yes there are twins in the family but it was still a complete shock".  I've got NCT classes etc coming up so although people will be strangers to begin with, I guess/hope they won't be for long - so I don't want to start out lying and then either have to carry it on or backtrack when I get to know them better.... Are you completely open with absolutely everyone you meet?

Thanks in advance

BG x

26+4 !!

MrBoB and I haven't spoken about this directly but I don't see why we wouldn't tell BloB we had fertility drugs.  I see it as it'll possibly make them appreciate how precious they are to us.  Not that natural babies aren't precious but hopefully YKWIM.

As for telling others, I have been much more open about things now that I'm 'safely' pregnant.  When talking to people that didn't know about our miscarriage/fertility problems and, for example, they ask if we want a boy or a girl, I say "Well it took us 3 years to get here so we're really not fussed about what we're having, we're just so pleased to be here".

But then, like most things, each to their own.

BoB x

P.S. I've just sent you an email BTW.

Hi BG, I've been wondering the same thing for ages actually. If we're having a boy I've heard there is a chance he'll inherit my H's low sperm count (not sure if that's true, but it would be quite upsetting I think). I'm in two minds about it. One part of me thinks we should tell the child because she/he's wanted sooo much, but another part thinks that it might upset the child and we also don't want it to become public knowledge (unlike you we've had secret treatments and only my family know about it, much to H's dislike - his family don't know and he doesn't want anyone to know). He will definitely want to keep it from the child (that sounds quite devious, doesn't it - keeping it from the child, like some sordid secret).

Sorry, no help really, just been asking myself the same thing. Be interesting what other peole think/do/have done.

Lots of love,

Beedle (17+0)

PS: Can't believe you're nearing 30 weeks!!!

Im slightly different as I concieved my twin boys by taking clomid - Ive never really thought about whether I will tell them that they were conceived using a fertility drug, I guess its not something I will shout out and tell them at the first oppertunity but its not something I would hide from them.

With regards to complete strangers asking if they were conceived via IVF etc it just doesn't stop - I get asked it by anyone and everyone. I just tell them it runs in the family as far as im concerned its none of there business.

hope this helps

xx

We'll be honest with P&I when they are old enough to understand. They'll know that their Dad had cancer so would probably figure it out for themselves one day and it would be awful if they thought we'd lied to them.

As for other people - I got so sick of the "do twins run in your family" question! There are twins on my Mum's side so mostly I'd say that because it's not a lie, is it?!

With my friends I've met while pregnant I've been honest, but only when the subject came up.

I think you'll know what makes you comfortable when faced with the question

I think it will make the "where do babies come from" question a lot easier to answer! "The doctor puts the baby in mummy's tummy and takes out out a few months later"

Seriously though, I have no idea. I see no reason not to tell them really. When I'm talking to people at toddler group I say they are IVF babies, at least partly in the hope that someone else will have gone through it too. With random people on the street I think that when they ask if there are twins in the family, they are only expecting a yes or no answer anyway. There are a few twins on my mum's side, so I just tell them that. If they came straight out and asked it they were a result of IVF I would tell them, but that hasn't happened yet.

And also How fast has your pregnancy gone?! I'm so excited for you!!

yes i will - i think IVF is amazing and makes her even more special so will be happy to tell her

I was reading somewhere (Tamba message boards or Fertility Friends, I forget now which it was) a thread on this subject.

It seemed that most people were telling so that the children always knew about the fact they were conceived by IVF and it wasn't a bombshell dropped on them when they were in their teens by some "well-meaning" relative or friend.

We would tell our twins  how they were conceived and how much we longed for them.

Also I suppose I have it easy with the IVF question thrown at you when people find out its twins. Only one of my embryos implanted but split into twins... I am quite open with everyone and don't mind anyone knowing how our babies were conceived.

Have you started going to a twins club yet? I'm quite lucky that I already have a friend with identical twins and she is going to take me along to our local twins club. Hopefully I'll get to meet lots more mums who conceived through IVF.

x

I may be a bit old fashioned, but I hadn't planned to mention how our baby was conceived, any more than I'd bring up what position we were in if we'd done it naturally!

We're not pregnant (yet...) but H has already asked if I have kept all the information, especially anything related to the PGD, as he thinks it would be an interesting thing to show our children in the future.  But then he is a big geek, so all the technical stuff really interests him and he's probably hoping that our kids will be the same!

Hollybags.:

I may be a bit old fashioned, but I hadn't planned to mention how our baby was conceived, any more than I'd bring up what position we were in if we'd done it naturally!

Not quite the same thing IMO...

Sharrington:

Have you started going to a twins club yet? I'm quite lucky that I already have a friend with identical twins and she is going to take me along to our local twins club. Hopefully I'll get to meet lots more mums who conceived through IVF.

Not started going yet.   I must do - I've found out where and when.  There is a girl at my NHS antenatal class that is expecting twins though and she came straight out telling me that they were IVF so I told her mine were too.

x

Bond Girl:

Hollybags.:

I may be a bit old fashioned, but I hadn't planned to mention how our baby was conceived, any more than I'd bring up what position we were in if we'd done it naturally!

 

 

 

Not quite the same thing IMO...

I know my post was tongue in cheek, but seriously, unlessonce they'd grown up I thought they were having fertility issues like mine (which is unlikely as we're having a boy!Have I said that today??!) then I don't see the point in mentioning it. But certainly when it comes down to the Facts of Life talk, I really don't see us going into any more detail than if we'd got pregnant naturally. I don't see the point, and couldn't imagine going into all the detail about it all, when really, all they need to know is that they're very much wanted and loved.

This isn't a criticism of those who would go into detail, it's just not for us.

Hollybags.:

know my post was tongue in cheek, but seriously, unlessonce they'd grown up I thought they were having fertility issues like mine (which is unlikely as we're having a boy!Have I said that today??!) then I don't see the point in mentioning it. But certainly when it comes down to the Facts of Life talk, I really don't see us going into any more detail than if we'd got pregnant naturally. I don't see the point, and couldn't imagine going into all the detail about it all, when really, all they need to know is that they're very much wanted and loved.

This isn't a criticism of those who would go into detail, it's just not for us.

I agree with a lot of what you've said ... and the only thing that may come up with me is if my girl has PCOS - the blocked tubes which were the major problem seemed to have been caused by an pelvic infection that I've had at some point, so that's not hereditary anyway, but I guess the fact that virtually all our friends and family know I would hate them to find out from someone else and felt that we didn't tell them or were ashamed of the treatment.  I guess with one (and a boy especially as they're less interested!) it's not so hard to keep it quiet - but with twins people are always highly "suspicious" of fertility treatment. 

Oh well plenty of time to consider all the options but thanks for everyone's input - very interesting.

BG x