‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the forum,
Not a hitcher was showing improper decorum,
They’d each typed their Christmas wishes on Off Topic with care,
In
fear of the Hitched Moderator who would be watching them there.
They posted, then snuggled deep down in their beds
dizzy from wine which span in their heads.
And I in my PJ’s, with Ipad in lap,
Had
just settled down for my Christmas Eve nap,
When out from the web there arose such a clatter,
I logged on to see what the f*ck was the matter;
Into the forum I flew like lightning forks,
oh
great another post for those blessed in the norks’
The glow from the screen of my Ipad so fine
gave the luster of purple lights from hitchers now online,
When
what to my wondering eyes should appear—
A drunken footlong and Kharv riding a reindeer!
How we laughed and mocked but all in good humour,
When Jojo85 said “have you heard the rumour?”
“There is a cupcake tattoo on the breast of flow,”
“Her
tit popped out when she fell in the snow.”
When along came *mini* a bitter old married, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment she was too drunk, as she was covered in sick.
More rapid than wind the hitchers they came,
AmnesiaCustard she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Vanilla Pod! Now Becklarrr,! now Peanut L&L! now Pandorasbox! now Venart!
now
Mellow_Yellow! now RKB! now Missus s! Now Saisi and *ducky*!
Now, Kjay! now, *Eclair*! Now Pinky! now Nutella! now Cinnamon Ears!
Now enterflora, now Mrs_IMP now Tortoise, now Helenia! Now Clarehj and storky!
“Get off
that porch and off that wall!”
“ You've had too much to drink your all going to fall!"
As if by magic they took to the sky,
It seems
that hitchers really can fly,
So up to the house-top the hitchers they flew,
“Wait for me!” shouted Kirstabubble “I was having a poo!”
Twinkling like stars were their Jimmy Choos,
A
contrast to the state Kirsta left of the loos,
With plenty of air freshener the smell I did hide,
Then late
to the party was Barefootbeachbride.
Along came Ali G, ATB, Tizzie and *funky* was making his way,
It took hitchers a while to realise he was actually a gay,
Skipping along were HatTrick & OB looking flushed from the wine,
When a fight broke out “ I'm not sharing b!tch, this bottle is mine!”
What an Arquard situation to find one’s self in.
“Canary bride!” “Tray1980!” “Roseability!” "Quackers" get out of that bin!
The night was coming to an end but that did not dampen the mood
“Come on hitchers to the kebab shop it is time to get us some food”
Fergo, Rod, JLS, Mrs C, *Nursey*, Little Pixie, LoveSka, Ebony_ Rose all walking in tandem,
Never before has there been a night quite so random.
So now I'm at the end of my merry little story,
Dear Hitchers enjoy Christmas in all its glory!
Much Love
Funky xx
P.s I originally wrote a version of this for my Secret Santa and I did try to shoe horn as many of you into it as possible based on who was posting around the time of writing. (sorry to all those who were missed)
