Best man causing drama

Oh's best man called earlier and went mad because we have sat his gf on the same table as oh's cousin who best man didn't get on with at college (confusing I know) anyway, he has gone off on one saying he is going to kick oh's cousins head in if he says a word to his gf. And how we are bang out of order sitting her on the same table blah blah blah! I am sooooo angry about it. He is basically expecting us to totally redo our table plan to suit him, which I am not going to do. Oh's cousin will be sitting with his brothers and parents, and best mans gf will be sitti g with two of our friends, just happened to be the same table. He is being so selfish and trying to make our wedding all about him. Right now I don't even want him there.

 

Sorry for the rant, just needed to vent! Xx

Know how you feel, we have had the same thing with OH's brothers GF, she wanted to sit with him but he was on the top table with us as he is best man, BUT......we ended up changing everything to suit them!!!!

I would not back down and change your table plan now you have everything sorted people need to understand it is your day and it is difficult enough trying to plan the sitting without people making specific demands. It is completely selfish if you ask me it is for a few hours our of the day that she will be sitting with him. Your best man is being childish time to grow up me thinks!!

To be honest it sounds like he is being very childish. I suppose it depends how deep 'didn't get on with at college' runs and the reasons behind that. If it was just a personality clash then he should rise above it and step out of the playground - if it was something more personal then maybe he genuinely and reasonably has a dislike for this guy but either way, to threaten to kick someone's head in at your wedding is wholly unacceptable. It's adding extra stress to you as a couple and he'd get short thrift from me as a WP - it's my job to protect couples from these sorts of things and he'd feel my boot firmly on his butt!

In a nutshell (and without knowing all the facts) his behaviour is unacceptable. If he had come to you calmly and given a reasonable explanation for some genuine concern fair enough but I can't imagine any reason why the seating plan should be changed.

Perhaps the question should be, is he the right person to be BM and seated in a place of honour at the top table? Perhaps he would prefer to relinquish his BM duties and sit with his GF on a different table.

I suggest you identify the real reason for this dislike and if it's simply the BM being ridiculous then tell him to go boil his head!

You could of course call his bluff and say 'okay you sit with your GF and we'll put OH's cousin on the top table". See what he says to that!  

Good luck x

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icklelea:

Our BM is trying something similar - not quite in such a spectacular strop tho! He wants to sit with his girlfriend, and I want him on the top table. We have top table of 10, and I'm not going to start randomly adding in bf/gf of people! He said he would refuse to sit on the top table if he couldn't sit with her, to which I told him he wouldn't have anywhere to sit then as all our seats are taken (not necessarily true)! The annoying thing is they live with another guy who is also coming, and I was going to sit her with him - so it's not like she will be plonked on a table of people she doesn't know!!! Why do people think they can dictate our weddings?!!?

I think you're absolutely right. It never fails to amaze me how people are honoured with a main role in the wedding and then proceed to dictate what they will or wont do. There is no reason his GF should be on the top table and no reason for you to change your table plan. Tell him to stop being such a diva!!

mandij87:

Oh's best man called earlier and went mad because we have sat his gf on the same table as oh's cousin who best man didn't get on with at college (confusing I know) anyway, he has gone off on one saying he is going to kick oh's cousins head in if he says a word to his gf. And how we are bang out of order sitting her on the same table blah blah blah! I am sooooo angry about it. He is basically expecting us to totally redo our table plan to suit him, which I am not going to do. Oh's cousin will be sitting with his brothers and parents, and best mans gf will be sitti g with two of our friends, just happened to be the same table. He is being so selfish and trying to make our wedding all about him. Right now I don't even want him there.

 

Sorry for the rant, just needed to vent! Xx

I would change the plan :) I want happy guests!
and if he sees the college guy talking to his gf (even if hes just saying hi) bm might start a scene :/

Could you just say that you've looked at the plan and the only possible spare seat for his girlfriend is sitting with some elderly relatives, and if he thinks his GF would appreciate his personal problems being the reason in her being moved away from friends and people her own age to a table of people she'll have nothing in common with and doesn't know, then on his head be it. Maybe even ask her directly this herself. I know if it was my OH in the shoes of that best man, he'd be in the dogs house for it!

I'd say sack him but you are close to your wedding.

We sacked one of ours and it was the best thing we did.

Oh won't sack him, in fact has done the total opposite, rolled over, let him have his way and now I have to totally rearrange everyone and redo the whole plan. Except it now turns out that bm had a row with gf last night and they aren't talking, so I text he to see if she is demo coming before I make all these changes, and she hasn't bothered to reply! 

Chedi:

Could you just say that you've looked at the plan and the only possible spare seat for his girlfriend is sitting with some elderly relatives, and if he thinks his GF would appreciate his personal problems being the reason in her being moved away from friends and people her own age to a table of people she'll have nothing in common with and doesn't know, then on his head be it. Maybe even ask her directly this herself. I know if it was my OH in the shoes of that best man, he'd be in the dogs house for it!

 

 

This is genius!!! i recommend go for this

Hawk:

I'd say sack him but you are close to your wedding.

 

We sacked one of ours and it was the best thing we did.

 

 

 

Us too, sacked a BM as she somehow thought that instead of this being our wedding, it was her 10th wedding anniversary party and she had the right to tell everyone everything about our decisions and slag them off.  Such a relief to sack her in the end.

icklelea:

Our BM is trying something similar - not quite in such a spectacular strop tho! He wants to sit with his girlfriend, and I want him on the top table. We have top table of 10, and I'm not going to start randomly adding in bf/gf of people! He said he would refuse to sit on the top table if he couldn't sit with her, to which I told him he wouldn't have anywhere to sit then as all our seats are taken (not necessarily true)! The annoying thing is they live with another guy who is also coming, and I was going to sit her with him - so it's not like she will be plonked on a table of people she doesn't know!!! Why do people think they can dictate our weddings?!!?

 

 

What is it with people dictating!? I've had to learn to say...Don't like it? Then naff off!! Im expected to chase one of my Bms because she thinks that she is sooooo important! Eh..No love, you're not important, so jog the hell on!! :)

mandij87:

Oh's best man called earlier and went mad because we have sat his gf on the same table as oh's cousin who best man didn't get on with at college (confusing I know) anyway, he has gone off on one saying he is going to kick oh's cousins head in if he says a word to his gf. And how we are bang out of order sitting her on the same table blah blah blah! I am sooooo angry about it. He is basically expecting us to totally redo our table plan to suit him, which I am not going to do. Oh's cousin will be sitting with his brothers and parents, and best mans gf will be sitti g with two of our friends, just happened to be the same table. He is being so selfish and trying to make our wedding all about him. Right now I don't even want him there.

 

 

 

Sorry for the rant, just needed to vent! Xx

 

 

Just remember this is you and your H2B's day..Your best man should have the maturity to hide old squabbles from college, even if it's for one day, your day! x

I would just move her. It's really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things - he's not asked you to un-invite the cousin, he just doesn't want his GF sitting with him. Immature, possibly, but to be honest I wouldn't want my H sitting with anyone for an entire meal who I didn't get on with and who I thought might sit there bad mouthing me. Your BM obviously feels really strongly about it and I bet he's taken it out on his girlfriend, which is why they're now rowing. Avoid a bad atmosphere and just move her.