NCT freaked me a bit today

We were looking at early newborn days and each couple was given a 24 hour breakdown of baby activity for a different type of baby. H and I got "fretful baby" and looking at a day in its life has just panicked me.

The thing I am most worried about is lack of sleep and no matter how many people tell me that I'll just cope, I really can't see anything for the first 6 weeks or so except struggling. I want to enjoy being at home with baby not just "coping". 

I'm not sure there's anything that I can be told that will reassure me but if we get something like fretful baby I am just dreading it.

Just remember even if there are 'fretful' days the chances are there will be days that aren't. I totally believe baby picks up easily if you are getting worked up so it is important to relax, go with the flow, trust your gut instinct and accept help if you need it.

As for lack of sleep they do sleep a lot when newborn so when they nap you nap. It will all be ok x

TBH, the thought of lack of sleep is so much worse than the reality of it. It really isn't that bad, and you forget how tired you are when you're having your squishy baby cuddles.

I missed getting up in the night with my boys. I had to share them in the day, but at night, it was purely Mummy and baby time.

AP I'm not sure what to tell you.  Some babies are fretful and the first 6 weeks was the most difficult time of my life with both of mine.  Not what you want to hear but especially as I know you I want to be honest.  You do cope.  You do get through it.  Its hard work but my its worth it.  Honestly and it does pass.

Some babies are more chilled and its not so bad.  Prepare for the worst and then its only going to be better.

I'm questionning whether or not to post this because I don't want to worry you anymore.  My advice is sleep when the baby sleeps. Be kind to yourself, sod the house work and don't have high expectations.

'Fretful baby' will have been extreme scenario - NCT are ar&eholes sometimes

I always say . . . be prepared for the worst but hope for the best.

You will manage just fine no matter what is thrown at you. You and H will find coping strategies if you work together. So that's my best piece of advice - work as a team, help & support one another, do NOT try and do everything (or you'll be doing everything for the next 18+ years ), allow H develop his own methods/relationship with baby in the early days (and try hard not to criticise), except help from others (others can change a nappy/bath your baby quite competently - you are NOT the only one capable of doing this) and RELAX - no amount of fretting about this fretful baby that you may/or may not get is gonna change anything. 

And I'm wishing a sleeper and grower on you right now

No, I appreciate the honesty Dust. I think I do cope by preparing for the worst so maybe that's just what I'm doing. I think if I can get along to a couple of groups before baby is here so I know where I'm going etc I'll be much more likely to go when baby is here.

One of friends was saying to hope to do something each day eg go to the shop, for a walk, hang up the washing etc but not to care if you don't manage it because it's things that don't matter. Does that make sense?

We all worried about getting a colicky baby, as we were told that it lasted until they were 3-4 months. It turns out most of our babies got colic, or reflux or both. 

I guess you do just cope but we also enjoy having our baby. Having a newborn is hard work, it's exhausting. I remember being in tears at 5am as he would only sleep on my chest. I also remember feeling so shocked at how rough I felt when I got home, being anaemic from giving birth and losing blood, and then having to look after N and feeding every two to three hours when all I wanted to do was sleep. This probably isn't reassuring but it's true in that you just get on with it. We adore N, it doesn't matter how bad a night I've had with him or how much he may cry, the first thing he does in the morning is smile at me, and it makes it all worth it.

Just remember to try and sleep when they do. Accept help if you can but also refuse visitors if you don't want them. Get people to bring you dinner, the housework doesn't matter. Babies arent fretful all the time, you will get lots of lovely newborn cuddles. It's true though, you do just get through it, but it's also an amazing time.

I agree with everything that has already been said.  TBH I'm stunned they showed you a 'day in the life of a fretful baby' type thing - every single child is different, chances are you will have no routine at all at the beginning and every day is different.

I know it's a cliche but seriously, millions of couples have done this and gone on to have more little ones, do it can't be THAT bad can it?

We were lucky and I just slept and ate for the first 6 weeks.  However, she was still up lots in the night.  We lowered our expectations, ate easy meals, accepted help (I wish we'd accepted more though!) and just went with the flow.  It's a big change but you adjust and adapt.  Little ones need lots of sleep and there is nothing to say you need to be up and dressed if they wake for a feed at 6am.  We used to do that feed and then all to back to bed some days.  There's also nothing stopping you sleeping in the middle of the day.

You just do what you need to and what feels right to get through.  I remember walking up and down the living room for hours with the swinging chair music playing, bouncing I.  At the time it felt relentless, but now I think back to that time and miss it.  And the reality is, it was such a short time.

Please don't fret

My daughter (3rd child) was a 'fretful' baby - that's one way to describe it!  For the first six months, if she was awake she was either feeding or crying, and she didn't sleep much! It was truly awful, my parents were so worried about me. It was compounded by having two little boys to look after too. But hey, we survived and the memory of how horrific it was soon fades. My husband slept in the spare bedroom for 6 months as dear daughter would only sleep in my bed if we were lying cheek to cheek. God when I look back now I wonder how any of us survived! 

But she's coming up to two now and every minute we spend together is amazing, I wouldn't change her for anything. Having a baby isn't easy but it's the best thing I ever did.

P.  S.  My middle child was so contented and happy, he was a dream. That's why I had another one when he was only 21 months old. If only all babies were as delightful as him! Whatever happens though, you'll be okay. X

I actually think they do the right thing by telling you how rough it can be.  Imagine if you haven't been around newborns before and you have no clue, add in the tiredness after the birth and for me not knowing and thinking I was doing something wrong - I wouldn't have coped.

I knew it wasn't going to be an easy ride but I knew it wasn't forever.  I also remember saying how I had been told it was hard but I had under estimated how hard the first 6 weeks were.  It's not like this for everyone though and some people sail through the newborn days.

Around 6-8 weeks both times it got better.  They slept better, I knew them both a bit and knew how to calm them, what would upset them and it got easier to work things out (didn't and still don't always get it right now).  They also smiled and cooed. 

Angelpie:

One of friends was saying to hope to do something each day eg go to the shop, for a walk, hang up the washing etc but not to care if you don't manage it because it's things that don't matter. Does that make sense? 

It does make sense and it's good advice.  I found it really hard to venture out by myself the first few times but it soon got easier.

And new borns actually sleep a fair bit during the day in the early days.  If you can sleep when they do you will find it easier sleep wise.

One last thing you say you want to be at home enjoying the baby.  I know you have said this is the only baby you will have, do you think you are putting pressure on yourself for everything to be "perfect" (sorry can't thinkk of another word) because you will only do it once?

*Dust*:

I actually think they do the right thing by telling you how rough it can be.  Imagine if you haven't been around newborns before and you have no clue, add in the tiredness after the birth and for me not knowing and thinking I was doing something wrong - I wouldn't have coped.

I'm really glad Dust posted. My firstborn was a nightmare BUT he had reflux and tbh no wonder he was. So we had a fretful baby and guess what? We went on to ahev another one so it can't ahev been that bad I was really lucky in that I knew things could be bad - OH had no idea and it was worse for him. So although it is a bit shitty to scare you like that - at the same time soemtimes worst case scenario can be helpful.

And also unlike many millions of mothers you have us to help you aswell

*Dust*:

Angelpie:

 

 

One of friends was saying to hope to do something each day eg go to the shop, for a walk, hang up the washing etc but not to care if you don't manage it because it's things that don't matter. Does that make sense? 

 

 

It does make sense and it's good advice.  I found it really hard to venture out by myself the first few times but it soon got easier.

And new borns actually sleep a fair bit during the day in the early days.  If you can sleep when they do you will find it easier sleep wise.

One last thing you say you want to be at home enjoying the baby.  I know you have said this is the only baby you will have, do you think you are putting pressure on yourself for everything to be "perfect" (sorry can't thinkk of another word) because you will only do it once?

 

 

 

I think I am putting pressure on myself because I've only got 6 months at home with the baby so I feel I need to be sorted quite quickly. I think I'm so focused on going back in January because I'm still at work right now, maybe when I finish, I'll be less worried about work and realise 6 months is a long time in reality. 

I'm not making much sense now but I am feeling calmer today x

One thing I will say is that 3rd trimester well prepared me for sleep deprivation. I slept better with a newborn than I did whilst pregnant, and had lots more fun!

My advice is to make the early days as easy on yourself as possible. If you're tired and want to stay in your pyjamas all day and eat toast for breakfast, lunch and dinner - do it! Don't have high expectations and you wont get overly stressed. At least this really worked for me - I had a pretty easy first 6 weeks and really enjoyed them, because I was lazy as hell!

Co-sleeping and feeding S in my bed made my life a lot easier and I lost less sleep because of it.

You'll be fine