Bit of a sore subject...

Hi girls,

Got to warn you, this is a bit of a sore subject with a lot of people and it makes me seem very materialistic so don't read on if you're easily offended!

I just wanted to ask the OM's, nearly weds, and people who are close to others who have got married, if they know of someone being invited to a wedding and not giving a gift at all?

The reason I ask is that OH and I went to a wedding last Sunday with his family and as we were leaving the house, OH's older brother said 'what's that?' about the card in my hand. I said it's a card for the bride and groom. He said, 'are we meant to get them a card?' and I was like, erm, yeah? I said we were giving them some money and had put it in the card. He was so shocked that we were giving them money, he genuinely had no idea you were meant to get anything for the bride and groom. He seemed pretty outraged that he was expected to give a gift and needless to say, didn't give anything.

It just popped into my head again in the shower and I was wondering if this has happened to anyone and how they would react if it did?

I've made a tab on my wedding spreadsheet with everyone's names on and I'm going to write next to them what gift they gave and when we got it so I can do our thank you cards. It sounds awful but this has got me wondering if there are some people on that spreadsheet that may remain blank...

In all likelihood yes, gifts are optional surely?

If it happens at my wedding it'll be no big surprise as we do not have a gift list and have expressly said we do not expect gifts. 

I think that is quite unusual, but at the end of the day, if you want that person at your wedding then it shouldn’t really matter whether they get you a gift or not.

I wouldn’t have been bothered, as it happened nobody did that at our wedding but I wouldn’t have sent a thank you card if someone had come empty handed, that would just be like rubbing it in for them.

well....

my family all got us cards, pressies money etc...

my hubbys on the other hand were a bit of a mixed bunch...

his family are mainly from ireland and a lot couldnt make the trip over... not one of these even sent a card which i thought was extremely rude really. we didnt expect any money but would have been nice to feel they were thinking of us on our special day.

about half of his family that came gave outrageous amounts (well they were to me anyway) ranging from £150 to £500 per couple/family!

his mother... lovely lady helped us out with about £1500 towards the wedding but didnt even get us a card on our wedding day! me and my mother couldnt believe this!

his brother and sister both paid for bm dresses but again gave us nothing!

didnt give it much thought thought tbh my only issue was that when we look back at our wedding cards in years to come it will be a real shame not to have any from his closest family members!

Personally, I wouldn't be able to go to a wedding without taking a gift, but then I feel really uncomfortable if I go to a friends house for dinner and don't take a bottle, things like that, when I'm sure they don't necessarily expect or require it. 

I won't be necessarily surprised if people don't give us a gift, I certainly don't expect everyone too, and we have made a real point of saying that we don't expect gifts. I originally really didn't want a gift list but we were badgered by a few older and more distant relatives and eventually gave in and put a small one together, but even then we've said left, right and centre "by no means do we expect our guests to give us a gift, but, for those who would really like to give us something..." 

I do however, think it's a good idea to make a note of what everyone who does buy a gift gets, as it's nice to make the message in your thank you card more personal and to actually reference the gift they gave shows you appeciated I think, rather than just "thank you for your gift", which does suggest that you can't remember what it was! lol 

My Bro got married in November and loads of people didn't give gifts - They were very shocked as some of them were bridesmaids / Grooms men. It does seem that quite a few people don't!

I'm not sure if I would notice I have to say. Like BV we have expressed that we don't want gifts but I'll keep a note of those that are given. I won't be checking them off a list/spreadsheet so it wouldn't be apparent if someone else hadn't. 

I would take a gift if a day guest, not always if an evening guest.  If a work colleague then wouldnt generally give a gift.

My aunt and her partner didnt even give my sister a card for her wedding, needless to say Im not expecting anything!  My OH's family arent particularly well off, and they'll be spending money to come down so we dont expect anything.

We havent mentioned gifts in our invitations, we just want to enjoy our day with those closest to us!

I think i'd be a little surprised, as its customary to give a gift of some description and I, personally, would never not give a gift. However, its down to personal choice and it wouldnt effect any sort of friendship or whatever. Each to their own afterall.

I think you should definatley bring a gift to a wedding. you dont even have to spend that much; go to matalan and buy a fancy vase for £5 if your short on funds, but dont show up empty handed!

I had a chat with myfriend the other day.  He said that whern he got married he pretty much re-couped the money spent on the recption in money and vouchers and that we should ask for money or vouchers as our wedding presents. 

Personally, we won't be "asking" for anything.  If people want to give us a gift, whether it's money, a voucher or 1 of 50 toasters then obviously, they're welcome to and we'd be very grateful.  We're inviting them for their company and we want them to share our day.  I personally wouldn't turn up to a wedding without a card and a gift but I don't expect all of my guests to think the same.

That said, every one of our guests knows that we're starting out in a new house (I move out of the family home the night of the wedding - My Nan is so proud!  ) and I dare say most of them will recognise this.  I won't be upset if people didn't though.

not to sound shallow but im genuinely shocked at the amount of people saying they dont expect to get anything and have told guests not to bother...

not being funny but i forked out over £50 a head for my guests and if im invited to a wedding im always aware of this factor and like lovebirds said if im broke i buy them something cheap but nice

laynarose:

not to sound shallow but im genuinely shocked at the amount of people they dont expect to get anything and have told guests not to bother...

Because your guests are there on your request to celebrate your day with you, not give you presents?

laynarose:

not to sound shallow but im genuinely shocked at the amount of people saying they dont expect to get anything and have told guests not to bother...

not being funny but i forked out over £50 a head for my guests

Are you being serious? 

Sorry just to clarify, I'm not saying that everyone must bring a gift for us, far from it! I don't expect anything from anyone and feel guilty even asking but it just got me thinking when OH's brother hadn't heard of giving gifts!

A lot of our guests are travelling so will be spending on hotels and fuel so I'd completely understand if they didn't bring anything.

But still, I'd be kind of miffed if we didn't get a card as I'm hoping to keep these in my saddo wedding bx :-)