OT low about money

Hi Ladies, I just wanted to rant a little bit. I left my old job about a year ago because I was being treated terribly & there was no chance of progression. I found a new job but earn considerably less (around 30%) than I use to & it's getting me down. I like to be financially independent, to the point where I can't stand borrowing so much as £1 without paying it back!! Since starting wedding planning I've been trying to get the best prices possible & if I've wanted to pay more (my dress) I've worked out a payment plan & paid for it myself. I'm just getting very upset with knowing I literally cannot pay my way. My OH is paying for the majority of everything & I feel awful. Is anyone else in this situation? How do you cope??

From my own experience. I'd say it'll be time to adjust to the new situation that will help. It probably took me around 2 years to adjust to not being the main household earner/budgeter after I moved in with my OH. Do you both work your finances out jointly ? When we eventually began doing this I felt more in control of the budgeting again and that helped alot.

We use to put the same amount into the joint account each month, I insisted we did it this way even though my OH has always earned more than me. Since changing jobs we've had to adjust it so we both put the same percentage of our wage in to the joint each month. I can't stand it though, I can hardly pay for anything other than day to day living and am stretching myself to save £200 a month for the wedding :(

Well, OH earns at least twice what I do, plus my old house is still on the market so I'm still paying the mortgage for that as well as contributing to our joint account. I pay less than half he does into the joint account, because of the 2 factors above. However, I have many thousand in savings, he has nothing and we are using his savings account for funding a lot of the wedding (£7k will come out of my savings towards the travel and honeymoon) and of course I will have equity from my house when it sells. So, I'm asset rich, cash poor and he's the opposite. And you know what, it doesn't matter. "Us" things are bought from the JA, if it runs out, we put some more in from our own accounts if we can. "Me" things come from my account but if it's low, I pay on the JA. If we're in a shop, usually whoever has a card to hand pays, and often from our sole accounts. We have various accounts, but in practise, money is all joint and it really doesn't matter who pays for what. OH has no ability to save for himself at the mo, yet I've said I'll buy him a new car (he needs one) when my other house sells.

You're going to be with this person forever, so where a few grand comes from in a 12 month period is irrelevant in the big scheme of things.

I just left my job to spend more time with little one I probably earn a 1/4 of oh salary working 4 hours a day ! As far as I'm concerned what's mine is his and what's his is mine! all my wages are going into our wedding fund and we live of his wages! So it all works out! 

Vintage84:

Is anyone else in this situation? How do you cope??

My husband and I used to earn the same amount, but his new jobs pays almost double his old job and therefore almost double my wage. I hate it too. I am fiercely financially independent and am struggling to feel at peace with the money situation as it is.

I can;t offer any advice, but just know you're not alone!

Money is so hard tbh i used to be vey everything stright down the line with my first hubby and i have to say he left me bankrupt i then became a single working parent and paid for everything myself the only person i used to let help and that was if i was really stuck is my mum

the i met the wookie and he earns what i earn in a month in a week and i know and he knows that i cant compete compete is the wrong word but i cant match that so it invilved a lot of pride swallowing on my front and a lot of me getting used to not asking for money or trying to pay a bill without having to ask (yes i am a stubborn wench) now all the money goes in the bank and we save half his wages for the wedding a month and what ever is left with mine and his pays bills and keeps us fed and watered

your other half would rather you speak to him tell bim ur struggling and its stressing you than you carry on getign stressed upset and trying to match. if you are happier in your new job thats all that matter tbh xxxx

Were the opposite, I earn double what my OH does.  You have to get used to it being 'our' money and not think about you contributing more or less.  If it was the other way around would you be happy to 'support' your OH?! Once were married and have no wedding expenses I'll be putting far more than him into the savings but as far as Im concerned its our money and were saving for our future.  We'll still both have our 'fun money' as I call it just mine is a lower % of what I earn as I think its fair that we both have the same spare money and I save more!

MrsH to be:

 

You're going to be with this person forever, so where a few grand comes from in a 12 month period is irrelevant in the big scheme of things.

Exactly this. I'm not on a low wage however my fiancé is on much more than me AND has savings, some of which he has said that he will use to pay for the wedding. At first I felt absolutely terrible that I was only going to foot I think 1/8th of the entire bill of what isn't going to be a fancy do ... but when I voiced my feelings to him he pretty much said what MrsH to be has said in that we're going to be spending our lives together and that he's happy to work it this way as it makes sense. I'm paying for my dress, my bridesmaids dress, stuff for my bouquet and then putting whatever's left over into the pot.

Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

I used to have a very high paying job till I had a child. Now I have a small wage and H earns an unpredictable wage from his business. Less now times are tough. All our money goes into the same bank account and we take a small amount out of it into seperate accounts for spends. You HAVE to think of it as your joint money otherwise what happens when you have a family?

RedRobin, it is nice to know I'm not alone. I think part of the problem is that my new job is not massively fulfilling, I don't think I'd be quite so bothered if I was working incredibly hard but the work is very easy so I feel like I could/should be earning more somewhere else but there's nothing out there. I know I've got to suck it up, I just wish I could change things. Anyway, best stop moaning, my OH just keeps saying "atleast you have a job" and "it doesnt matter to me".

Im a bit like that too vintage.

I have always been independant and coul pay my own way.  Wouldnt sleep if owed anyone money etc.

H2B has always made more money but I looked after my money and was the one that had spare cash at the end of a month.  I now only work part time in a job that is low paid and not at all challenging or fullfulling compared to previous jobs. This is due to have 2 children that are still under school age.

Obviously now I cant pay half of everything as I used to and in a way that bothers me but I realise that I cant so we tend to pay the bills out of H2B's wage and use my wage to Save for the wedding/holidays and days out together,  Makes me feel better as I know that going to my not so great job is allowing us to enjoy time together.

You're definitely not alone, Vintage84.  My H2B earns much more than me and all my wages go on minor household bills, treats and saving for the big day.  H2b pays the major bills (e.g. keeping a roof over our heads!).  I used to be more independent as I earned £6k more than I currently do.  It does get me down sometimes, but we all just have to do the best we can.  Totally understand about not wanting to borrow; my h2b and I don't want to borrow a penny for the wedding as we don't want debt afterwards.  I couldn't sleep at night if I owed major amounts of money. 

Have you talked to your OH about how you feel? x

He knows but I don't think he really understands how much it gets me down.