Church or Civil Ceremony?

Hi all,

Haven't been on here for a while... trying to expand my business/sell a house/plan a wedding/live in two places at once. Life is a rollercoaster!

OH and I found a lovely venue a few weeks ago and have kind of set our hearts on it... we've changed our minds so many times I just want to put the deposit down now before either of us do any more research or find anywhere else. We like the venue so much we're even happy to change the date!

The issue is, we live in Winchester, the venue is around the Hook area. Consequently meaning if we get married at the local church it would be a good 30-40minute drive to the venue. So we have looked into getting married at a more local church to the venue. I am not particularly religious but I would like to get married in a church (it's not a fairy tale dream or anything like that) I just feel like it's the right thing. OH was brought up going to church so has his beliefs too but neither of us currently go to church on a regular basis. He would also like a church wedding but I know he wouldn't be majorly upset if we couldn't. We have been in contact with the church local to our venue and they have said it shouldn't be a problem but obviously we would have to attend their church for 6 months. I don't mind doing this at all but I am worried that they will expect us to attend every Sunday for 6 months, I don't want to be rude and say to them "we can't make it every single Sunday" I really don't want to offend or upset anyone.

Part of me is now saying... come on consider having a civil ceromony at the lovely venue we've found, but I know I would prefer a church wedding,

Question is... am I being selfish? Any married people out there that are glad/regreat having/not having a church wedding.

Basically what are you all doing and why?!

Any response will be much appreciated.

Thanking you

x :) x

Attending for 6 months means at least twice a month, so you'd only have to attend 2 out of 4 Sunday's. Our reception venue is about an hour from us, but like you we want to get married in a church as it seems more fitting to us. The church near the venue has said it will be fine, but that it has to become our church for 6 months....2 Sunday's a month. I think this is much more doable than *every* Sunday. If you have your heart set on it, isn't 2 Sunday's a month plausible? And actually some vices are even more flexible and although this is the 'rule' they're not that strict on it. 

We're meeting our vicar next Saturday to discuss, so we're hoping it might be a little more slck too, as although 2 Sunday's is doable, OH has a shift pattern and it might end up me going on my own!

Hiya Loopz,

I am quite happy to attend 2 Sundays a month... I was just concerned (as OH originally made phone call to church) that by them saying for 6 months that it meant every single Sunday. I searched on google but there wasn't much on there.

I think we'll just go for it, if it works out and happens it'll be fab but if not we always have an alternative.

Hope it all goes well with your vicar!

x :) x

I think unless you have a true religious desire to get married in a church then you should consider a civil ceremony but do be aware that you are not allowed ANY religious terms/readings/music....and in some counties that goes as far as not being allowed to play Angels by Robbie Williams (can't remember where I heard that!).

I feel a little bit guilty that we're not getting married in a church as my other half is religious, although doesn't attend church. The thing is I have absolutely no religious belief at all and I would feel like a fraud standing in a place of worship saying words I do not believe in. After all, just because I don't believe doesn't mean I have a lack of respect for those that do. My other half understands this and is okay with a civil ceremony.

I have suggested however that we get our marriage blessed after the big day, maybe you could do this? Why not speak to your local church and ask if this is possible?

If you would like a church ceremony at your local church go for it. Its your big day and i don't think anyone will mind going the 30-40 minute drive to the venue. 

If you watch DTTB you do see this happening quite alot.

Also it would give you and your husband time to relax before the next bit.

Good luck in deciding

Hi Vintage84,

I think the reason for the church is the fact that I (personally) feel that it's more official. I know people that have had lovely registry office/civil ceromonies but in some ways I'd like to think that it might strengthen my religious beliefs as well.

Oh wow, even Angels lol! What is the world coming to? It is a lovely song but I can't say it's playing any major role in our big day so I think we'd be alright.

My sister had a civil ceromony 5 years ago, next June her and her husband are having a church blessing which I think is a lovely idea but at the same time we would like to do it the way we would like the first time round. My OH doesn't see much point in a blessing so maybe that's another reason.

Anyways... I think I'll shut up now lol!

Thanks for your help

x :) x

We are having a civil ceremony at our venue (50 mins away), however, we did consider the local church near us as H2B's family have all got married there & means a lot to them - I'm really not religious though so felt hypocritical doing this - so deciding against it! If I was religious at all, we would have gone for it though!!

I don't think yours guest will mind a half hour drive after at all! Especially if they want to be there we are having a coach for our 50 min journey but that's only because it's along a motorway and it means I know everyone will turn up together!

Hi GothBella,

We have considered it but I am just slightly concerned at the fact the OH will have family coming down from up North, I will also have family travelling a fair distance.

I do completely agree that it's our day and all that jazz... I try to take too much into consideration!

Love watching DTTB, was going to apply for it but unfortunately not in the correct area! I know my OH would do a reasonable job, seeing as he has already made most of the phone calls/enquiries. Bless him.

Thanking you!

x :) x

Kathryn_Tom:

I think the reason for the church is the fact that I (personally) feel that it's more official.

Huh? So civil ceremonies aren't weddings as much as a church?

Just because I'm not religious, doesn't mean marriage means any less to me...

Hi YoungAndInLove,

A coach is something I might look into actually! Might be easier that way. Like you said it will keep everyone together and they'll all arrive at the same time.

I do like the idea of having that (journey) time to spend with the OH after the weddng. It's going to be a long day!

Thank you!

x :) x

Oh nooo.... jeeze how do I wriggle my way out of this one?!

I just think it's each to their own. Everyone has differnet opinions/beliefs.

I even had an argument with my sister over this exact topic!

I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone.

I think I'll shut up now.

x :( x

Kathryn_Tom:

Oh nooo.... jeeze how do I wriggle my way out of this one?!

I just think it's each to their own. Everyone has differnet opinions/beliefs.

I even had an argument with my sister over this exact topic!

I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone.

I think I'll shut up now.

x :( x

I didn't mean for you to have to wriggle out? And I wouldn't have been surprised by the comment if you were very religious, but you've said you're not

It's ok, just find it offending how people think getting married in a church means you're "more" married. No need to argue about it though, I would never even criticise anyone for getting married in a church if t hey weren't religious - each to their own

Im very much an "each to their own" kind of girl, so from that basis I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. I don't think 30-40 minutes is very far actually, so if you prefer your local church then that would be a great option too.

On a personal level - as in hypothetically what I would actually do in your situation - I would have a civil ceremony. I would feel I was being hypocritical to get married in a church if I was concerned about how much I would have to attend the services, if that makes sense. It just would feel forced.

I had the same argument with my OH about a CC not being the same as a W. In my eyes its the same thing, a solemn vow infront of family & friends promising to love each other forever. I'm so unreligious that I don't really get why you have to involve your beliefs...its a vow to each other, no one else. And I've probably just opened a can of worms.... :-s

Vintage84:

I had the same argument with my OH about a CC not being the same as a W. In my eyes its the same thing, a solemn vow infront of family & friends promising to love each other forever. I'm so unreligious that I don't really get why you have to involve your beliefs...its a vow to each other, no one else. And I've probably just opened a can of worms.... :-s

Haha, it was already opened I do understand everyone's own views though!!