Your Jeremy Kyle maternity moments

Just watch the fake tan when breastfeeding.  One of the girls at work had her little boy readmitted because of suspected jaundice, it wasn't until they investigated further that it turns out it was her fake tan on her boobs rubbing off on his face.

While we were waiting for our 20 week scan... there was a group of 4 people waiting to go into the scan together. The mother was pregnant with her daughter's boyfriend's baby. I overheard them telling the midwife. The daughter fell for the bloke after him and the mum split up, then the mother met some other bloke and realised she was pregnant so the four of them were planning on bringing this baby in the world together...

I was gobsmacked... H and I had spent a good 30 mins wondering which one was pregnant and which one was the father.... we got it soooo wrong!!

jelly baby I'm not sure if that was supposed to make people laugh, but I did

at some of these stories. I was the JK moment when I had E, but I'm too embarrassed to share.

Talking of JK, WTF is the deal with his newly parted hair these days? He's more of a twonk than I gave him credit for.

My roomy when Louise was born, after I asked her if her baby was her first: "ah Jaaaaysus no, she's me 10th girl, and I have a boy as well. It's tough cos me partner left me, but I'm going to get sterilized. I know, at this stage, we're worst than the bleedin' knackers. " What a nice lady! She had an emergency section early in the morning and baby was prem, and she was on the phone by 11 telling someone to bring her fags cos "they hadn't f..ing let her smoke since last night".

Monkeybear959:

The mother was pregnant with her daughter's boyfriend's baby. 

Good grief

And Carole, the behaviour of some parents on your unit is incredible

I do remember making a comment to a nurse that our SCBU must be over run with 'up to 3lbs' clothes (because as soon as Mima outgrew anything I immediately donated it to the unit and naturally assumed everyone else did the same) and she assured me they weren't because parents took the clothes I was completely and utterly stunned but now know that intensive care, or no intensive care, twunts are still twunts.

Oh my!! am reading these out to H and can't decide whether to laugh or cry at some of them.  Think we were lucky as we had nothing like this.  Only cringy moment was when i was in HDU after giving birth and a woman next to me had her family visit - husband and about 7 kids all under 10.  The kids were going nuts throwing toys around, screaming and spitting on the floor!!  they were asked to leave within 10mins of them getting there.

When I was overdue and having regular CTG's, I overheard a lady proudly declare to the midwife when asked about movements, that the babies ( twins) were such wrigglers,they had twice kicked the ashtray off her bump when she was having a fag. 

Not so much JK as a bit thick when it came to basic body chemistry...

One girl at my antenatal classes said she was concerned about a water birth because 'oil and water don't mix'. Cue puzzled expressions from all around. It transpired she thought that the vagina is a very oily environment and it would react with the water causing baby to get stuck...

I've often wondered how she got on

My 'moment' was in my NHS antenatal classes - one of the mums was pregnant with her 4th baby - cue me wondering why the hell she needed antenatal then.  Still not sure about that, but the two eldest children had been adopted already, the 3rd was in foster care, and this one was probably going to be removed as well. I was a bit and didn't know what to say to her.

These stories make me want to laugh and cry

In my 4 bedded bay we had a woman having her 6th baby. She barely looked at the baby the whole time she was there and complained that she wasn't being discharged as she wanted to get home to see her kids. I just felt so sad for that little girl as she was obviously going to be ignored at home. Another girl on my bay, her OH continually played music out of his mobile the whole time - I coughed sharply a few times to make my feelings known - the mum cottoned on and told him off but he didn't effing care, he could do what the eff he liked. 

Before C was born, we were sat in the antenatal clinic waiting room opposite a well dressed mum and her teenage daughter. Turns out my H had taught the young girl, and he worked out she was about 14...

One story that makes me particularly sad though is that there has been a news story locally about a baby that had been assaulted - there had also been suggestions that the baby had been sexually assaulted. It turns out the latter wasn't the case, thank goodness, but a recent article in the local paper gave the age of the baby and date of the assault. Turns out the baby was born on the same day as Coco, and was more than likely born in the same hospital. I often wonder if we bumped into that poor baby's family. 

Blue water that's given me goosebumps. All the brand new precious babies born everyday, and the very different situations they are going into when they leave those hospital doors. 

When my twins were in SCBU the nurses told us that the posh Medela breast pumps were always going walk about and a couple had ended up on ebay.  There were quite a few JK folk on SCBU a girl who had twins born a month before ours was probably about 18 and she already had a 3 year old.  Her and her partner were always effing and blinding and arguing with each other.

There was also a poor girl who had a baby the same day as me and she only looked about 12 and the baby had to have a stomach operation, she never had any visitors, i think she was a single mum, she was really friendly and maybe quite lonely.

Oh, I remembered one which isn't me, yay.

When I went for one of my mw appointments, there was a young girl in there (about 15/16, in her school uniform...) as I was a similar age when I had C, I thought i'd talk to her. I asked her is she was nervous about having a baby, and she replied with "Nah, it's just like having a doll, innit?"

I replied with "Yes, sweetheart, it's exactly like that"

Mrs Cee:

There was also a poor girl who had a baby the same day as me and she only looked about 12 and the baby had to have a stomach operation, she never had any visitors, i think she was a single mum, she was really friendly and maybe quite lonely.

 

Teenagers are statistically more likely to have a prem baby, I thought, which would explain why there were a few. There were a number on our unit - all smokers, all charvers and all quite difficult not to very quickly feel sorry for. As soon as you met THEIR mothers, or realised you'd never once clapped eyes on Grandma despite being at the hospital 9am-7pm everyday, it all made sense. Very scared young girls with zero support network. Desperately, desperately sad.