He just won't sleep - can anyone help? PLEASE???

So Ethan's now 2 1/2 and his sleep is a disaster.  Previously he was pretty good, then when he hit about 20 months it went wrong in every way - not going to sleep, waking hourly or stupidly early, and sometimes just being up all night.

First we moved him into a bed, everyone suggested he might be cramped - it worked for a couple of weeks.  Then we reduced the nap - again it worked a while.  Eventually we totally cut the nap.  It was successful in that he is now asleep at 7 every night, but unfortunately he wakes again at midnight and is often up til 5am.  He will screm solidly for the whole time, and I'm absolutely at my wits end.  He doesn't actually want anything - he cries for Mummy, then Daddy, then lights onn, lights off, music on, music off, blanket, covers, no blanket - you get the idea. We've tried getting into bed with him, getting him up for a while, sitting with him, ignoring him, and more recently I'm sad to say yelling at him that I won't come back.  Now he can get out of bed its gone from bad to worse, with him up continuously - I've tried the Supernanny thing of just returning him to bed, but by the time I get to the door he's up again.  I've tried sitting with him and gradually withdrawing, but again he's up as soon as I get to the door.

I've had some gems of advice through FB such as 'give him a good smack' and 'lock him in his room' - which I don't really want to follow!  But then others such as being in his room ready for when he wakes to pre-empt his crying doesn't really strike me as a solution either.

So please impart some Hitched wisdom for me - I'm currently averaging 3 hours sleep per night, and I really feel like I'm at breaking point

That sounds utterly hellish. What you've described, well I think you might be in the realm of calling in the professionals. A proper sleep trainer. There are a few about - Andrea Grace, and Millpond Consultants, or there's a lady near me I know who also is a sleep trainer. It's quite pricy but worth it I suppose if it means you get proper kip. I can get this lady's details to you if you like, and I'll google the others for you, hang on!

http://www.andreagrace.co.uk/

http://www.mill-pond.co.uk/

Scarlett went through a phase like this (she's just turned 3) and it was evil. In the end, after trialling many different GO TO SLEEP tactics, we pushed her bedtime back by about an hour and it's helped. She still sometimes wakes in the night but she's more willing to go back to her bed after a cuddle in with us.

He may have gotten himself stuck in a cycle. His body clock is used to waking at that time and he's used to kicking up a stink when he does. Perhaps try moving his bedtime back by half an hour, and then arming yourself with stuff to cope if/when he wakes in the night. If you KNOW he's going to be awake, then I would be tempted to abandon all rules of "good parenting" and snuggle up with him to read a story or watch a bit of telly. In The Night Garden was our midnight saviour when Scarlett was especially bad. It would at least stop her screaming and give her something to absorb herself in, which was just mindless enough for me to snooze next to her. 45 mins later, she'd start dropping off again.

I hope something in there is useful advice for you. Sleep deprivation really is a form of torture.

My only advice is to keep putting him back to bed. We did this with George before christmas and he now sleeps through all night. He is different in the fact that he just came to our room expecting to get into our bed. It took us a couple of weeks and I thought he would never get it but he did.

Don't get into conversation with him as him asking for things is him stalling you. Maybe set up a reward chart. George got a toy car when he slept through and he calls it his 'down' car as in he lay down to sleep lol.

It will happen but you need to be strong. Thankfully my h did it all as I was feeding Isabella. He was very firm on some nights saying 'stay in bed, do not get out of bed' and this was the most he said to him.

Children just don't like sleeping by theirself really and whilst I don't blame them you do need your space and sleep at night.

Sofie's sleep was never bad, at all, but we STILL had to do rapid return for a couple of weeks with her - and as I said that's a child with no sleep issues, but who just wanted out of bed - so please don't think that you're failing, you clearly have an uphill mountain to climb.

I tend to agree with Hollybags - sounds like you would benefit from an outside view on this, not least to 'mediate' between you both for consistent handling while you are understandably exhausted and E is overtired too.

Hugs x

Gosh, that sounds extremely difficult, I really feel for you.  We have just gone through similar with our LO, although she's only 17 months and thankfully still in her cot.

She would go to sleep fine, but as soon as she woke in the night she was hysterical whilst in her cot.  We were up 4+ hours with her each night.  We did revert to cosleeping but even then she just flung herself around the bed laughing, poking us etc.  I decided last week to tackle it.

For us, the main issue was that she didn't want to be in her cot.  I sat in her bedroom floor for 3 hours on Friday night until she finally dosed off.  I sang to her, then shh'd her and patted her (slowly withdrawing each one) until she fell finally fell asleep.  The next night she didn't wake until 5am and I started with the same tactic thinking I needed consistency but it quickly became obvious she wouldn't go back to sleep quickly so as it would be time to get up by the time she'd fallen asleep, we decided to revert to controlled crying.  It really wasn't something I wanted to do but after a couple of nights she quickly improved and has slept through for 3 nights now.

Whilst we were doing it, we started waking her up after an hours sleep as she was in a cycle of bad nights sleep, long day time nap, less sleep needed at night etc.

We were lucky she's still in her cot - I'm sure if not we would have found it much more difficult as she would be out of it in a shot.  I'm also under no illusion she's now 'fixed' and I'm concerned the slightest thing may tip the balance again.

For us, consistency was the key.  It's extremely hard in the middle of the night when you jus desperately want to go to sleep though, I know.

HB may be right though - it may just be time to call in the professionals.  I don't envy you, lack of sleep is awful

R quite often wakes in the night and when she does she is hysterical and will not calm down. For a while she'd come into our bed, then that stopped working. I bought a readybed which was next to our bed - this worked for a few weeks, then she'd wake and go back to sleep on the landing, outside the bathroom door. No idea why, but at least she slept. If she manages to sleep well I praise and praise and praise. I also find that if I go in as soon as she wakes instead of waiting for her to really cry she will usually stay calm and quite often go back to sleep. She also refused to sleep in her bed - she sleeps on a mattress next to it. No idea why - she loves her bed, and will happily sleep in it at lunchtime. Ive decided to just leave her on the mattress for now - it's not idea, but at least she sleeps, I will tackle the bed issue later.

My friend used a sleep trainer for her twins - it worked for a while, but they are now bad sleepers again, waking several times a night.

It's horrid. They are cranky and can't cope and so are we.

Hope you get it sorted soon.

Holly Bags:

That sounds utterly hellish. What you've described, well I think you might be in the realm of calling in the professionals. A proper sleep trainer. There are a few about - Andrea Grace, and Millpond Consultants, or there's a lady near me I know who also is a sleep trainer. It's quite pricy but worth it I suppose if it means you get proper kip. I can get this lady's details to you if you like, and I'll google the others for you, hang on!

I think HB has the right idea, getting someone in to help might be the only option if nothing you or your H are doing is working. Really feel for you, E has been up for a couple of hours during the last 2 nights with teething pain and that's bad enough! 

Thanks all.  HB - I'll take a look at those websites, although I'm not sure if it's something we can really afford at the moment, but hoping it might have some useful tips regardless.

Does anyone have any opinion of trying to bring back a short nap in the afternoon?  Part of me can't help but wonder if he could be overtired.  If he has a very quiet afternoon, or totally crashes on the sofa for just 20 mins - he does tend to sleep better at night.  Not sure he'll be happy to start napping again, but wonder if it's worth a try?

I'll also try things like the reward charts, story etc - see if it helps.  I'm always scared of getting him up in any way incase we build new bad habits, but I guess anything is worth a try

He went back off at 4am in the end - that goodness he's at nursery and I have a day off work!!

We have gradually realised that if S is overtired at bedtime, she WILL be a nightmare. She's overtired and overstimulated. I try to make sure she naps for an hour in the day so that come bedtime, she's the right level of tired and cooperative. Sometimes she takes her nap a bit too late, but then she'll happily play in her bed for a little bit before dozing off. As long as she's not screaming the house down, I don't mind if she's awake and amusing herself in the evening rather than being asleep straightaway.

Everything is worth trying. Keep telling yourself there WILL eventually be a way to crack it, but the trick is finding that way without driving yourself bonkers in the process. We took the approach we did because I freak out at things like controlled crying, so I was personally happier sitting up and reading with her in my bed when she was wide awake at 2am than I would have been battling her back to bed. 

Thanks CO.  I may try giving him just a 30 min nap in the day, and see what happens.  Unfortunately we can't do longer, as when he was having an hour nap he would be up til 11pm - quite happy and chatting, but awake regardless.

Have just seen on Amazon that MillPond do a book - so may be worth a try as I'm not sure I have the £250 for the training

sn-itchit:

 

Have just seen on Amazon that MillPond do a book - so may be worth a try as I'm not sure I have the £250 for the training

HOW MUCH???

How good is his speech? Would you get anywhere having a talk with him and seeing if he can tell you why he screams in the night?

S's speech is still very much baby-babble but she understands a lot so we've come up with some key-phrases to help her understand that bed time means SLEEP.

I have no idea what a gro-egg thingy is (or is it gro-clock?) but some people seem to swear by them for dealing with awkward sleepers...