Guest List Drama!

Hi,

I'm currently planning my wedding for next year and on a recent outing with one of my bridesmaid's, she asked if her boyfriend was invited to the Wedding. I replied that he is invited but at the moment due to number restrictions at the venue it may be that he will just be invited to the Evening Reception and Chruch ceremony. This is a rule I have had to enforce on all other halves that are not my personal friend as due to having a huge family we just don't have the room in the dining area. However my bridesmaid has since sent me a message saying she is very concerned that her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding breakfast and that he may take it as a personal slight. I have tried to explain that she is not being singled out and its nothing personal just a matter of numbers and other people's boyfriends/girlfriends will be in the same boat but I think she thinks I'm being rude. Am I in the wrong? Any suggestions of a tactful way of dealing with it?!? help!

Sorry, but I think you are in the wrong - if she is with him now, and anticipating being with him in a year it's obviously quite a serious relationship. Perhaps you could have a rule that only wedding party partners are invited - or put in a 6month or living together rule?

I CAN see where you are coming from. Because we have got a tight budget and have had to make the day list a minimum.

BUT i can see her point. I wouldnt not invite a partner because i don't think its fair.

But i suppose its up to you.

x

sorry again, but i dont think you r being unreasonable at all, family should come b4 friends boy friends regardless of how long they have been together

I have a rule that they have to have been with their partner a year and i have to have met them! This means 2 out of my sisters will not have their boyfriends with them (should they find any between now and then) This means that my cousins bf/gf are not invited. The grooms sisters partners assuming they stay the same will be invited. I really only want the closest friends and family at my wedding i do not want hangers on.

My only query would be if they have to travel large distances to be there it might be a bit much to ask him to disappear but if he can nip home i can't see a problem myself.

If the wedding isn't until next year, couldn't you just say to her that the guest list is no where near being finalised and you'll review it again nearer the date?  It seems silly that she's getting worked up about it so soon. 

My guest list changed loads between the first draft and the final list - I became better friends with some people and bumped them up to all day, family issues changed who we invited etc.  You may grow closer to this guy over the next few months and want to invite him anyway.

This is a tricky problem because there's no right answer - some people think one way and some think another.  Remember that not everyone you invite will be able to come, so maybe you will have space for extra people in the end?

Personally, we did try and invite partners where appropriate, and only a couple of last minute additions came along to just the evening. 

If it was a bf of a random guest in the wedding then I would agree but to be honest I would find it very odd not to invite my bridesmaids partner. After all you have chosen her as she is close to you. If your family is anything like mine I certainly do not have as close a relationship with all of them just because they are 'family' as I do with my bridesmaids. 

I can see where your both coming from but if you know him or see him on a regular basis when you see her i would invite him.

I have had to do it people i knew have been together for a long time have been invited people who havent been together that long i said am sorry the church is small but feel free to come to the evening do. One of my friends took offence that her on/ off boyfriend of about 6 months wasnt invited ( i havent met him ) so i told her am sorry but with limited places etc anyway i had an RSVP from her saying no its her loss especially since now they've split up again lol.

I don't think it's right to invite people but not invite a serious partner. I was once invited to a wedding without my OH (wasn't included in any part of the day) when we had been together for over 5 years at the time. I didn't go in the end as I thought it was very rude to have excluded him (even more so when the Bride's sister asked 'Can't you go out on your own then??'!!!!!!!). I think you can get away with it when it is a fairly new non serious relationship, but otherwise, I think partners should be invited.

flutterbye:

This is a tricky problem because there's no right answer - some people think one way and some think another.  Remember that not everyone you invite will be able to come, so maybe you will have space for extra people in the end?

 

Personally, we did try and invite partners where appropriate, and only a couple of last minute additions came along to just the evening. 

Yep, that's what we're doing FB - a friend has a partner I haven't met (they've been together 4 months now) so she's coming along to the evening. The thing is I actively dislike some of my friends' partners, but what can you do, if they're your close friends you need to respect their choices and that they will want to bring their partners to the day.

We' have a large family but we're not having canapes so you save some money that way.

I think thats probably the best solution, just say nothing is finalised and as the day gets closer I will have a much better idea of numbers. She has been with him on and off for a while and just started living together, only met him twice though. I suppose I was just suprised she made an issue of it so quickly as i'd only offically asked her to be bridesmaid the day before! I'm just hoping some distant relative or two can't make it which will mean I can keep everyone happy!

mrsjbw2b:

sorry again, but i dont think you r being unreasonable at all, family should come b4 friends boy friends regardless of how long they have been together

 

I agree with mrsjbw2b its your weddingso invite the people who mean a lot to you, there is no way I would be offeended if I was not invited to a wedding by someone who was a friend of my OH and who I didnt know, I have been invited to weddings by friends who do not know my OH well and invited him only to the evening do (we have been together 10 years) and not seen it as a problem at all, makes my life easier as he wouldnt really know people anyway! Also he is not a big fan of weddings so would rather not go, everyones happy!

It is aprt of the reaon I wanted such a small wedding, I personally would really dislike having people at my special day who I did not know x

As fultterbye says, it's a question everyone has different views on.

My personal view is that if they are in a relationship, then they come as a pair.  I didn't dream of not inviting someone's other half just cos i'd not met them. 

We had about 5-6 people there who we only met on the day but it was important to us that our friends had a good time and enjoyed our day, and being there with their other half was high up on the list.  I'd be very upset to be invited without my OH.

I agree with GB.

We're inviting all of our friends partners, regardless of how long they've been together, living together etc, i'm even giving the singles one a plus one so they can bring someone along too.

As everyone else has said, there is no wrong or right answer, as in most parts of wedding planning, do what's right for you.

x