is it rude to expect guests to pay for their meals?

Hi ladies,

We are getting married on a strict budget, date is booked for 24th Sept and my dress ordered...

Anyhow i cant afford a sit down meal for everyone and it has been suggested to me that to let everyone know that we are going to go for a meal before the reception and that anyone is welcolme to join us, sounds like a reasonable idea as then those who dont want to can then met us back at the hall.

Is this something that is common practise? If so how would i go about finding a resturant that isnt going to charge for a large party (say around 40 people)? The only place I know locally to me is an indian resturant but i would rather somewhere that will cater for all tastes

Any advice much appreciated

A very nervous laura

hiya laura

wish i could do this as would save a FORTUNE!!!!!!

i think in this sort of situation you just need to make sure you are making it 1000% clear that you are asking people to pay for their meals from the outset, and like you say anyone that prefers not to can meet you afterwards for the party

to be honest if someone invited me to their wedding and asked me to pay for my meal i'd be more than happy to, as would get to choose what i ate for a start :-)

i wish more weddings were this way to be honest...we would all save a fortune!!!! my wedding isn't until may 2011 but i am already having heart palpitations about buying 90 people a 3 course meal...!

:-)

em xxxx

Hi Laura, Welcome to Hitched.

My daughter got married a few years ago and anyone that attended who wanted to eat had to pay for themselves, I didnt hear any grumbles about it and about 30 people ate. I think as long as you are clear on whats what your guest will be o.k

I think you have to be 100% clear before hand to stop any misunderstandings and upset.

If you can't afford a sit down meal what about a buffet?

Hi Laura

Have you thought about asking if the hall could put on a barbeque or if you're hiring a village hall could you place a hot & cold buffet/barbeque on rather than going to a restaurant - /Iceland/Farm Foods much cheaper than supermarkets and save a packet whilst feeding your wedding guests without the hotel prices!  It is an alternative way at looking at it rather than going to a restaurant.  It would also mean that you, hubby and guests get to relax after the wedding.  See if some friends would chip in with preparation and cooking you'll be amazed who will lend a hand!  Family and friends are full of surprises when its your big day.

Guests may feel a little put out that they have to pay for their own meal which is their choice then whether to attend to ensure that this is pointed out to them so there is no upset.  It is usual for the wedding party/hosts to pay for food although I'm sure that your idea is not unheard of.   We ended up paying £100 per couple! 

Check out deals at Iceland, Costco etc and see if you can make a budget just purely for the  food costs as it may just surprise you that this is the cheaper alternative to a restaurant - you never know family may chip in towards buying it!

T xx

Or have a pot luck supper where everyone brings a dish... that way people are paying for it but it somehow isn't so obvious!

I wouldnt think it was rude, as long you made it clear from the beginning.

But... there will undoubtedly be some people who will make a comment, just like some people will make a comment on my meal or my dress... you can't please everyone. Do what is best for you, and if others dont like it thats tough for them. The people who really matter certainly shouldn't mind paying for their own meals.

i wouldnt worry about this at all i was maid of honour at my friends wedding last year and she said in the invites that rather than gifts she wanted people to pay for the meal and to send her a check to pay for it, i dont think anyone was really offended by this and most people brought gifts as well

I'm afraid I feel a bit differently to the other posters.

Personally I'd be a bit miffed if I had to pay for my meal, after I'd already forked out for travel expenses, outfits, hotel, gift etc. You have specifically invited your guests to celebrate your day with you...what are you going to do if they turn around and say we'll come to the ceremony, but we can't afford the meal.

If your budget was really that small, I'd be looking at alternatives like a cold fork buffet, or bbq. And I would only have one set of guests that stayed all day so I wouldn't have to be feeding the evening guests too.

If i was invited to a wedding where i had already forked out a presant, outfit, travel and all the other costs assosiated with attending a wedding i would be horrified if i was asked to pay for my meal.

I dont think its the done thing and i think if you cant afford a sit down meal then dont have one.

Have a buffet instead or alternativly just have a party and no food - thats got to be better than asking someone to pay for their meal!

As long as you were very, very, clear from the beginning I would not think you were rude.

I do think that a "family buffet" might be the safer option here though, it is what my parents did when they got wed in 1990, they had a small registry office wedding and then all the 30 guests came back to the local village hall and all the ladies of the family brought a dish with them - it worked really well and I was only a weenie at the time but I have some very fond memories of the wedding reception

Good luck whatever you decide to do

X

Opinions vary wildly about what people expect - I've already had people whine about the fact we're not having a free bar all night....

That being said, I would be a bit put out if people asked me to pay for the dinner - as others have said there are a lot of costs involved in getting to a wedding - I suppose it's how close you feel to your guests, and whether you feel you can ask them.

I think a cold buffet might be the best option here - or a late wedding (about 4pm) and then just a buffet supper, or a fish and chip van? If you're only having a small wedding that might be best - and you could then ask for money rather than gifts, and hopefully you'll recoup some of the cost?

brideseekingblush:

I've already had people whine about the fact we're not having a free bar all night....

What a cheek! Id uninvite to moaners!

shoegal01:

brideseekingblush:

I've already had people whine about the fact we're not having a free bar all night....

 

 

What a cheek! Id uninvite to moaners!

 

Haha! Thanks sg - when I saw you'd replied I thought you might have said "well of course you should have a free bar!" I just don't know how people do it...

I wouldn't be happy if i had to pay for new outfits, travel, hotel, gifts and then had to pay for own meal.  I would much rather have a cheap iceland style buffet in a village hall than pay for my own meal at someone elses wedding.  IMO it's rude, if you can't afford it, don't have it.