TTC - do you decide with your head or your heart?

Obviously both figure in, but I'm curious - which has ultimate power?

We're talking about when to start TTC number two, and there are a tonne of logical reasons why we should now, but it seems it all comes down to if we're ready in our hearts... Are you the same?

for our first my heart was ready for ages but my head told me to hold off for financial reasons, until I was older, until we moved from our flat, until we married, until my friend got married..........then I could not wait any longer and just decided 'I don't care, I'm doing it now!'.  (H was with me on this obviously!)  From that day it took us a full year to get pregnant with one m/c thrown into the mix.  I wanted one now but mother nature had other plans. 

Now he is 4 months old and I think (with my head) that I'd like a 2 year age gap but I won't know where my heart is at until the middle of next year when we'll need to start thinking of TTCing again.

I think a decision like this can only be ruled by your heart really

 

Heart definitely. When we TTC no 1 we were in an unsuitable house and I was just moving jobs. Everything worked out just fine by the time he arrived. With No 2 (I'm 23 weeks) it was heart again - I've been back from maternity leave for 9 months in a stressful job which I love and may not be able to return to after a year away but heart wins every time.

I think (for me anyway) if I waited for my head to say everything was perfect we still wouldn't have the first and my heart would have exploded by now!

I'd say heart too. We said we would have a minimum age gap of 3 years for many reasons but this summer, when lots of people I knew began to have their second babies, my heart got the better of me and we are now ttc #2. I still have wobbles about whether or not it is the right thing to do but I can't imagine not wanting it, IYKWIM.

 

I'd say heart definitely. I have two and if I'd decided with my head then our little boy wouldn't be here now as I found labour and newborn days so difficult the first time round.

head....we could never have afforded 2 at nursery at the sme time so I had a 3 tyear minuimum age gap....as it turns out it will be 3 yars 4 months and my work are paying my childcare vouchers while on maternity leave so LO is going essentially for free while I'm off.

Definately heart, if I'd have listened to my head I would have kept coming up with reasons why we should wait! Best thing we ever did though. Think ttc no 2 is a big decision, we will probably be impulsive with that one too as I'll end up overthinking it otherwise.

Head both times - first time around we TTC because we knew there was a window of opportunity and we'd rather have tried to be parents and not suceeded than never to have TTC

Second time around rationally knew that we wanted another and to get on with it

Next time around will be purely down to heart - if I can't not have another (have always imagined three...) because head says after this pregnancy would be maddness to even consider another

for us when discussing #2 head.  heart didn't come up with a strong enough argument. it was the right decision for us

Head at the moment. Heart wise we'd be ttcing again now but we need to sort out a few financial things too. We've given ourselves a financial target to hit but I've said that if we don't hit it by Sep 10 then I (well, it would need to be "we" really ) am ttcing regardless.

H x

I'm currently 29 weeks with number one and mine was a bit of both. We've been together 12 years and married for 3 and I'd originally promised H we would start TTC after a year of marriage. As it was I'd only just started a new job and head ruled because I didn't want to get pregnant straight away, I left that job after 6 months so we were back in the same position again and I told H that I really needed to build up a career for myself first. So again my head was ruling.

Then last Nov, my H was going off to Dubai for 2 months for work and we were <ahem>  fooling around and had a bit of an accident. I said I would get the MAP and H asked me not to. We ended up having a big chat and H said he didn't want to wait anymore. That 2WW seemed to take an age, because I kept swinging back and forward between it being a good and a bad idea. When AF arrived I was gutted and that gave me my answer. It took us another 5 months after that to get our BFP and I couldn't be happier, I'm very glad my heart eventually took over!

I do think there is room for a bit of both in the TTC decision, there will very rarely be a 'perfect' time to try, but there will be times when a baby might be a really bad idea. Then again everyone always says you just learn to cope, don't they?

Thanks everyone! I think I'm in a bit of the opposite position to a lot ofyou - head-wise this is the perfect time. Only, it scares the pants off of me, and I rather like (mostly) gettign a decent night's sleep, and am enjoying W on his own. So I wonder if that's my heart telling me I'm not ready yet. But... I hate procrastination and part of me really just wants to get it all over with, IYKWIM?

I think I'd be happy with an accident. Then we wouldn't have  choice to a degree, it'd just be happening, and we'd need to get our heads around it, but we'd be happy.

(So is that my answer as to where my heart is??)

Heart, definitely. I have known for months that I am ready but H wasn't quite there. We talked about how I felt and how he felt and one day he just said 'let's do it' so we are trying! Our hearts know its the right time. Who knows how long it will take but we're both fully on board. Practically its probably not ideal timing as we have bills and my maternity would be better if we waited a bit but we have let our heads rule this one.

Kimbers, I feel like you, I have a 2 year old who is adorable and I adore my time with her, my head says now is a great time to be ttc number 2 but my heart keeps stopping me.  I am worried that having a new baby will change my relationship with my daughter, but my head says that if I were to get pregnant this side of christmas LO will be 3 when new one arrives and she will have chance to get use to a new brother or sister before she starts nursery (I don't want her to feel that as soon as a new baby arrives she is carted off to nursery) plus I am now 38 so really don't have a huge amount of time to keep putting it off, and as you said I to like my sleep and as LO has only really started sleeping a decent amount of time in the last 6 months I don't look forward to going back to no sleep again.

It is a big decision to make isn't it x

P&P - that's it.

The thing is, logically I tell myself that having a second child - whenever you do - alters your relationship with your first child. There's never an easy time probably on one level at least.  So having one when W is pretty little means that he'll be less settled in his ways as an only child. I hope at least!

We always wanted them close together. Financially it makes sense. The only 'logical' reason to wait a little while is hte nursery place - W would only be 2+ if we started TTC now, and would have an entire year before the free nursery place - or in the case of the nursery we want him to go to, any regular nursery sessions. (They only have a playgroup 1-2 times a week for 2 year olds.)