WWYD

So, H's op has been postponed again. This time because one of his surgeons is on compassionate leave.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) it's only postponed by 2 weeks. Unfortunately, because work wise, I am due to be in Germany with work, for the start of a project, that I really need/want to be involved with.

It should be a no brainer that I cancel the meeting and send someone else and be there for H (I'm off the day before and day of his op). However they've already cancelled once, and this is a task I really want to do (and it's not something that can be rearranged). Will I be much use being there when he's being operated on and in intensive care (they won't wake him for at least a day after surgery). Will I be any good at my job worrying anyway? Why do these things always happen to me?

So WWYD?

I don't know the background here but my reaction was immedaitely to say that you should be there with your H.

I couldn't be in a different country knowing my H was under GA and then in ICU, I know I'd not be any use being there but I'd have to be there none the less. My work comes second to my family so I'd always change work plans to fit in around my family. If that meant missing this thing in Germany I would.

Like I said though I don't know the situation.

Not sure if that helps? xx

For me it's a no brainer.  I would be worse than useless trying to get my head around a new project 1000 miles away from G&T if she was having an op, so I would cancel the meeting.

But that's just me.

PS, you didn't see me, right ?

Sorry, who are you?

I do agree, but I have slight control freak tendencies, one thing here I can control, one I'm completely out of control.

My H had brain surgery a few months ago and although I'd agree that there's not a lot you can do during and after the surgery the time that I think I was most useful to H was keeping him company when he had to be admitted the day before the surgery.  It was just so deadly boring, at least he had me for company.  It's a bit of a nervous time, especially nowadays when you don't know if it is going to happen till they wheel you off.

Funnily enough, afterwards H really just wanted to lie low and recover.  I'd expected to take time off work with him but he was happy to be left alone with a flask and some sandwiches.

Maybe best idea is to ask your H.  He may want company or he may actually prefer to be left to it.  Mostly, best wishes to both of you and hope you get the outcome you're hoping for.

Please think very carefully before/if you decide to go.

I know you're not really going to completely agree with me here and I say this knowing you won't take offence either but you are a lot more stressed about this than you think. It's affecting you in ways you're not seeing as you're attributing it to different types of stress. I know you're incredibly busy just now and have lots of other preassures on you too and I do believe that they are contributing but I think you are concentrating on them rather than the biggest one of all. Mr NN's op is a bit like a white elephant in your mind at the moment and you do need to acknowledge it a bit.

I can see where you're coming from in that in many respects it will be immaterial whether you're there or not because the operation is going to go so well but I think you'll be surprised just how important it becomes at the time. I do think you're coping well with this but I'm worried about you. I think it might be a good idea to be around people who care about you during that time just in case you find that it's a lot harder to cope with than you think. I really think that it's going to be immediately afterwards when you meet the surgeon/get the call that it's all gone well that you realise the impact this has had on you. It's going to be much easier to cope with any fall out at home with people who care and understand than it would be in a different country. You can even take A to your parents for hugs but he can't go to Germany.

My apologies for the pop psychology but I do think it's useful in this case. I will be around later (though I may be hiding) if you'd like to displace your worry and project it onto your work any more.

What eponymous said - word for word!

M and you have to be your priority right now - not work 

can you get any granularity from the hospital if the new date is actually going to happen? how big is the potential cross over for you being away? i know how much you want to do this project but is it worth the risk? have you spoken to M?

M thinks I should go. I feel I have no choice but not to go, it would be ridiculous to consider otherwise. However there's no guarantees it will go ahead (again)

i cannot imagine how frustrated or confused you must be.

on the one hand you cancel an extremely important work trip and potentially miss your H's op on the other you cancel the work trip to find that the op is postponed again. Nightmare.

Head v Heart ....whats saying what?

Worryingly I head says stay, heart says go - but my head knows that Eponymous is probably right and I dont know how this will affect me when it actually comes to it, whereas, since this has been part of our life for so long, that it's just another one of those things!

lets try and put this in perspective....will your firm support you if you have to fly home mid work trip?

Yes. But the project payment is based on us making the trip, and there'd be no scope for someone going out at short notice. So it's deciding whether to go or not.

I know (assuming it goes ahead) I won't go, Ms dad's on holiday, and his mum has told him "she doesnt know their movements(!)", I may be a b!tch but I'm not evil I think once we have written confimation then I will organise someone else to go.