what to do when you stop?

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  • what to do when you stop?

    This is probably going to come across as very rambly, I also feel guilty for dipping in here when the going gets tough.

    Since the m/c before christmas I have tried really hard to keep myself really busy I suppose so I don't think about things. I have been socialising alot,  going to gym classes most days, started some counselling, working full time where I have taken on some extra commitments and signed up for a conference in April to do a presentation as well as several teaching sessions. At the weekends we have had company here.

    I had annual leave booked today and my friend let me down, so I  have had nothing to do today and I seemed to have completely crashed today both in repects that I am knackered but also emotionally I seem to have reverted back to random crying episodes this afternoon, I am supposed to be going to the gym at 1730 but currently can't see that happening.

    I just am feeling like a big fat failure, the counselling seems to be dragging up thoughts I don't want to have. I sometimes wonder if I am a bit depressed but unsure what to do about it, I don't want to halt ttc although I am toying with the idea of delaying my appointment until all work commitments are over and done with in April that then makes me feel like I am putting work in front of ttc.

    We also hit our 7 year anniversary of DTC last week and I don't want it to drag out much longer and delaying starting will do that but deep down I am not sure I am strong enough to deal with IVF at the moment.

    I don't even know what I want from posting this, just to offload I think.

     

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    i have no advice but you are always posting me vibes that the least I could do is offer you a hug.  I'm wearing a mask so you don't get my lurgy!

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    • Dove
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 22-Nov-2003
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 3,756

    When I had my m/c and was very low I started reflexology sessions, they really did help me to cope better and helped the lift the black cloud from above me. I know I'm not a dtcer but I did feel very low after my first preg ended, not helped by 5 preg work colleagues calling me selfish for not asking about their pregnancies/baby names etc. The reflexology allowed me to put up with a bit better!

    Kiss

    Baby girl born Jan 06 36+4 6lb 13oz

    Baby boyborn Aug 09 34+6 2lb 11 1/2 oz (IUGR)

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    You sound a bit like someone I had counselling with recently - a little reliant on structure and activity maybe at the moment? Completely understandable of course. I totally relate to thinking that counselling is harder than being an ostrich too, I hated my self-esteem course at times because dredging things up was so very very hard.

    Only you/your doc/your counsellor can say if you're actually depressed, but it does sound like your reserves are depleted at the moment, turning a day off into a disaster for you?

    Tell me if this is all bobbins of course - remember you are entitled to bad days and to struggle with decisions - everyone does that, it's just about finding the support you need inside and out to get through those times a bit easier, maybe?

    What does your OH say?

     

    x

    Inspired by Sofie, Milo and all my angels, most recently Joe http://www.justgiving.com/JoeDonn/

    Ideas and donations welcome x

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    • Petal
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 26-Jan-2007
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 8,268

    Hug  I'm afraid I am so rubbish with advice but I wanted to send you a huge hug and let you know I am thinking of you. 

    How long have you been doing the counselling for?  I went for 14 months and at times (especially in the early days) I felt like I was wasting my time.  It's hard to see how that sort of thing is working until it works iyswim.  It did help me a heck of a lot though and I'm glad I stuck with it.  You will see a difference with that eventually and how you feel.  I remember lots of times not wanting to go to sessions because I didn't want to talk about things but when I got there the floodgates would just open and I would feel a whole load better.  So strange!

    I'm really sorry I can't offer you much help or advice.  I would do anything to change the way things are.

    Thinking of you. xxx

    Because I can...

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    Sparkling, thank you.

    Dove, I hadn't ever thought about reflexolgy, and pregnancy loss is hard at any stage of ttc Hug

    Madonna, I think you are right, the moment I stop I have a hundred different thoughts going through my head, which I think is why I avoid stopping. My H thinks I am pushing myself too hard but I think he can see I need the structure at the moment.

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    Petal, one session but she automatically booked me in for 5 more (I get 6 free with work) she also mentioned she thought I would need more during IVF.

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    Perhaps there is a happy medium - when's your next counselling session? Maybe you could look into doing some mindfulness work - i think that's a brain-switchy-off-thing and it was mentioned to me before.

    Or maybe it's as simple as having an emergency treat pack in a bag in your house - a 'got some time free' pack of bath smellies, a book you have been saving up to read, a mix-CD of your fave uplifting tracks? Then if you find yourself at a loose end you have something low-impact to fill a few hours with?

    x

    Inspired by Sofie, Milo and all my angels, most recently Joe http://www.justgiving.com/JoeDonn/

    Ideas and donations welcome x

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    • Petal
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 26-Jan-2007
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 8,268

    Glad you have 5 more booked (if 'glad' is even the right word)Hug  Madonna is right too.  Stopping and having time to consider things is always going to make things much harder.  I can understand why you want to keep yourself busy.  I did what Dove did too and ran my reflexology alongside the counselling (bloody cost a fortune!) but I did notice that it made me a bit more relaxed about day to day life.  So it could be worth looking at this.  I remember my counsellor telling me it was always important to have some 'me' time to sit quietly and contemplate and if that meant sometimes you sat and cried well it wasn't all bad because you were giving those emotions a chance to come out rather than be bottled up. Hug

    Because I can...

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    Not till the 18th Feb. The gym has been a great outlet but have just cancelled tonights class as I don't want to go out, think I might hit the bath.

    One of the things my counsellor asked was what did I use to do with my time before ttc and I truthfully can't really remember how I filled my hours.

    Sorry just seemed to have crashed today.

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    Don't ever apologise RJ x

    I was asked about who I was pre-TTC and I honestly couldn't remember - not least because in 5 years any normal person would have changed anyway. That's like asking me what pop groups I liked when I was 7 - completely alien. We're forging a new 'us' out of difficult times, and doing the best we can, with the resources we have and the energy at our disposal x

    Inspired by Sofie, Milo and all my angels, most recently Joe http://www.justgiving.com/JoeDonn/

    Ideas and donations welcome x

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    • Petal
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 26-Jan-2007
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 8,268

    Madonna:

    Don't ever apologise RJ x

    I was asked about who I was pre-TTC and I honestly couldn't remember - not least because in 5 years any normal person would have changed anyway. That's like asking me what pop groups I liked when I was 7 - completely alien. We're forging a new 'us' out of difficult times, and doing the best we can, with the resources we have and the energy at our disposal x

    Exactly WMS!  Madonna - you say things the way I would have liked to so glad you are here!

    RJ - no apologies.  None of this is your fault. xxx

     

    Because I can...

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    No real advice RJ but just wanted to send you a huge Hug

    xx

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    I really don't know what to say, I'm rubbish at advice on here, others say it much better, but just wanted to send you a hug Kiss

    Lou Lou Belle Designs - handcrafted jewellery and hair accessories
      www.louloubelle.co.uk   lisa@louloubelle.co.uk   Facebook

  • Re: what to do when you stop?

    • Sharrington
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 23-Jul-2005
    • Small sofa in the sitting room opposite the window
    • Posts 12,263

    Oh love,

    You are allowed to crash. The down days are just as important as the days when you are happier

    The counselling I think will be a good thing in the long run. Yes you are dragging up thoughts you don't want to have... but you've dug them up, faced the reality of them and got past it. This only has to be a good thing. When I had my hypnotherapy sessions before the final ICSI, the therapist made me dig up those thoughts that were so negative. Then she asked me to imagine writing those thoughts on a balloon and letting them go... letting them float away so that they were no longer a problem.

    As you know I did delay TTC for a few months before we embarked upon our final ICSI. I did do things I had done before I was TTC. I ate foods I wanted to eat, did things I'd put off "just in case" I might be pregnant. Went on holiday, had a fab time socialising with friends. It did help me honestly it did. I think delaying until April might be a very good idea. As well as concentrating on your work commitments, perhaps you could also find some fun things to do that you won't be able to do when you are parents.

    Have a huge hug. I know it's so difficult.

    x

    Identical Twins David and Joseph 16/3/09

    www.usborneonline.org/sharon

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