This is probably going to come across as very rambly, I also feel guilty for dipping in here when the going gets tough.
Since the m/c before christmas I have tried really hard to keep myself really busy I suppose so I don't think about things. I have been socialising alot, going to gym classes most days, started some counselling, working full time where I have taken on some extra commitments and signed up for a conference in April to do a presentation as well as several teaching sessions. At the weekends we have had company here.
I had annual leave booked today and my friend let me down, so I have had nothing to do today and I seemed to have completely crashed today both in repects that I am knackered but also emotionally I seem to have reverted back to random crying episodes this afternoon, I am supposed to be going to the gym at 1730 but currently can't see that happening.
I just am feeling like a big fat failure, the counselling seems to be dragging up thoughts I don't want to have. I sometimes wonder if I am a bit depressed but unsure what to do about it, I don't want to halt ttc although I am toying with the idea of delaying my appointment until all work commitments are over and done with in April that then makes me feel like I am putting work in front of ttc.
We also hit our 7 year anniversary of DTC last week and I don't want it to drag out much longer and delaying starting will do that but deep down I am not sure I am strong enough to deal with IVF at the moment.
I don't even know what I want from posting this, just to offload I think.