How to deal with the tantrums?

Hi,

My LO is coming up to 15 months, and has just recently developed such a temper! If she manages to get hold of things she shouldn't have around the house like the phone, I just need to put my hand out and she'll start screaming as she knows I'm going to ask her to give it to me, and then she'll try and run away! This has been going on for a few weeks now, and to be honest, I've just started to let her scream and ask her to give me it, rather than give in to her and let her get her way, but is this right? (I know the obvious answer would be to put the phone out of her reach, which I try to remember to do, but there are the odd times I forget)

Also, today we went to the beach and we let her walk rather than take the buggy. When we got the the dunes, I went to pick her up so that she wouldn't fall over, and oh.my.god, you'd think I tried to murder her! And that was the start of it, everytime I did this, or tried to get her to walk a different way, we got the full on scream and arching back, and of course lots of "looks" from the passers by. In the end we gave up and took her back to the car.

Now I think she might be teething which could be making things worse, but I know most of this is her temper, it's as if the terrible twos have started early.

Is there a right and wrong way of dealing with these situations? Is there light at the end of the tunnel (please say yes!!)

Thank you in advance

Jen x

 

Tantrums.  Oh the joys!  I think you have to find the best way to deal with them TBH, Blaine is 3 now and has tantrums - hes awful.  If we are in the house I leave him to kick and scream and make a fuss - I go out the room and ignore him.  I go back in about 5 mins later and speak to how very gently, give him a cuddle and take his fingers out his mouth (when he has a tantrum he shoves his fingers in his mouth, by removing them seems to calm him down for some strange reason - he is a bit odd lol) he stops and then I ask him to apologise - which he does.

If we are out of the house its a different story as I cant walk away and this can escalate things.  So, if we are in say... Asda for example, and hes kicking off like a nutter cos he cant have what he wants I ignore him.  I continue with my shopping, ignore him and ALL the people giving me disapproving looks and muttering things like "why do they bring them shopping? cant they do it online?" and I just switch off.  Once we are out of the shop, if the tantrum is still going on then I know getting him in the car seat is gonna be a drama - in fact I dunno how I get him in sometimes.  By the time we get home hes normally calmed down.  If im in a shop and I dont need to get anything urgent - say I'm just wandering round clothes shops, then I leave - with him under my arm screaming away.

Luckily his tantrums when hes out of the house are now few and far between.  We have a plan for the shops - we go for a cuppa first and he munches on raisins/blueberries/strawberries when hes in the trolley, this seems to help.  lol

"This too will pass" (apparently, then they hit the teenage years - oh the joys!)

 

Jefna - can't offer any words of advice i'm afraid, but hope somebody out there can offer us both some 'light at the end of the tunnel'!

My LO is 16 months, but is EXACTLY like you describe and has been since about 14 months of age!

The more 'not one of her toys' that things are, the better as far as she is concerned and try as i might to keep everything she shouldn't touch out of reach - she always manages to see it!

Toilet roll and tissues are her personal favourites and the only reason i object to her getting hold of them is because she favours tearing it into hundreds of little pieces and depositing them around the house - but my god does she make a fuss when we put it out of reach!

We also go through the same situation in public and get 'those looks' from people! After a while you do just learn to ignore them!

My LO is also teething at the mo, but i don't think that is the reason for her temper, i actually think she is a bit of a madam! ;o)

So apologies for rambling on, but you are by no means alone and i am telling myself that it's a phase and it WILL pass!

Let's see it positively - they are little girls who know what they want!

LOL

Thanks for your reply Nik.

It sounds like you are well experienced in dealing with the tantrums! I have read that ignoring them is a good way to deal with it, but wasn't sure if my LO was too young for this?

Oh yes, the shopping trolleys, that's another "joy"! But like you, I just give her one of those pre packed grapes and melon pots, and she will happily munch on one of those til I get most of it done. It's one of the reasons I start in the fruit and veg ailse!

Is bribery (sp?) a good or bad way of dealing with things?

Thanks again

Sorry majojo, we must have crossed posts.

Thank you for your reply - it is good to know I'm not alone! It's so hard to know what to do for the best isn't it?

Hope things get easier for you soon!

I use the old bait & switch if she's got hold of something she shouldn't (like my purse).  We normally get a small tantrum, which I ignore until she calms down again. Or I sit quietly and do something that she'll find interesting and wait for her to come to me.

Lady Falafel:

I use the old bait & switch if she's got hold of something she shouldn't (like my purse).  We normally get a small tantrum, which I ignore until she calms down again. Or I sit quietly and do something that she'll find interesting and wait for her to come to me.

Ah now I've tried the bait and switch before, but with me literally forcing her to take what I'm offering while trying to grab said object from her! I never thought of trying to sit quietly until her curiousity gets the better of her, thanks, I'll try that the next time

Thank you

Thank my husband for that one, I used to just start battling

Ha ha, you sound like me! Thanks to your husband, I'll let you know if she falls for it!

I can't help much as I am also just in what feel like the early stages of Tantrums. EJ is nearly 14 months. In the last few days he has learned to scream in this awful, awful high pitched way and the cry with ferocious force if he doesn't get his own way, or if, I don't know, someone can't READ HIS BLOOMING MIND AND IMMEDIATELY ANTICIPATE HIS LATEST WHIM OR FANCY. Yesterday he went NUTS because a cat wouldn't play with him. (which because I am a softy really, also nearly broke my heart)

Hmmm. Try the bait switch but he is fairly wise to it. And fairly willful. And strong... My biggest worry is that sometimes I just really, really want to give in to him totally just to stop him screaming.

ellebee, that is exactly how I am feeling too. It just seems so easy to give in to her, but I'm just holding onto the thought that it would do us and her no good in the future.

Thanks for replying and . Hope it gets better for you (and us all!) soon

I think you just have to ride them out and not give in, otherwise they know that if they have a hissy fit then they'll get their own way. We made the mistake of letting MissSun walk every time she had a tantrum over getting in the pushchair, it spoilt our holiday a bit because she wanted to be carried - in hindsight I should have stood my ground and just ignored her. MissSun's strops are a lot worse if she's teething or tired. Teatime is usually meltdown time. We just ignore her and she eventually calms down or she'll sit on my lap but we won't speak until she calms down. thankfully they're pretty infrequent.

ellebee:

Hmmm. Try the bait switch but he is fairly wise to it. And fairly willful. And strong... My biggest worry is that sometimes I just really, really want to give in to him totally just to stop him screaming.

I REGULARLY give in to the screaming, back arching, throwing herself on the floor etc..

Some may read and i can hear the whispers of 'rod for own back' etc, but it's sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane! I don't like hearing her scream, but i think like me she has a short fuse and i know to get cross back is soooooooooooo the wrong thing to do, but she really pushes my patience (that admittedly isn't that great!)

ellebee - i love your story about the cat not wanting to play and your LO's reaction - that could so be us!

LOL

 

 

Thanks Sunset.  I'm pleased the ignoring thing seems to work, as that is what I have started to do.  Sometimes I think she is old for her age and the frustration is partly because she can't tell us what she wants, if that makes sense!

Sunset21:

I think you just have to ride them out and not give in, otherwise they know that if they have a hissy fit then they'll get their own way. We made the mistake of letting MissSun walk every time she had a tantrum over getting in the pushchair, it spoilt our holiday a bit because she wanted to be carried - in hindsight I should have stood my ground and just ignored her. MissSun's strops are a lot worse if she's teething or tired. Teatime is usually meltdown time. We just ignore her and she eventually calms down or she'll sit on my lap but we won't speak until she calms down. thankfully they're pretty infrequent.

We have some of our worst tantrums about sitting in the pushchair and like you a nice day out can sometimes be ruined by her just creating such a fuss, that we both reach the end of our patience and give in - We often hear ourselves saying - 'we need to be tougher' and 'just let her scream', but believe me my girl has got some staying power!

With a holiday coming up, i am just praying we don't have too many!

x