hope you dont mind me asking but: how often to your dtd then ?

mozarella:

when i was pregnant though we didnt as i just couldnt bear the thought ...

I would have happily done it when pregnant (hormones and all that!) but my H couldn't bear the thought - I didn't think badly of him or push it at all.

mozarella:

when i was pregnant though we didnt as i just couldnt bear the thought ...

 

You shouldn't think things like this are part of the reasons,  if he was a loyal and loving husband he would understand and respect how you feel,  rather than moan like a teenage boy that he's not getting any. x

huge variations here! We can go for weeks without bothering or end up DTD 4 or 5 times in a week!

Like everyone else said, please don't blame yourself.  It's likely your H would have done what he did no matter how often you dtd.  I too thought about this as we only dtd once during my whole pregnancy because I had a lot of unexplained bleeding and couldn't bear for him to be near me in that way.  As it turned out, my H had flings all the way through our marriage, even when we were ttc and were obviously dtd a lot.    You deserve so much better xxx

mozarella:

when i was pregnant though we didnt as i just couldnt bear the thought ...

and?...... so if it had been for medical reasons, low lying placenta etc would it have been different? would this make it more valid? the fact that you didn't have sex that is.

Now you listen to me, cos I am speaking now.. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! If your H has decided to play away/leave then it doesn't matter how many times you DTD, he could have spoke to you about his concerns. If he had erectile dysfunction and couldn't have sex, would you go looking elsewhere? if not why? because you love him? and that should answer your questions. Him blaming you for lack of sex is just trying to deflect the guilt from himself, he is trying to justify his actions and it's totally unfair.

We have no reason to lie to you. Please listen to us because we are on the outside we will see it more clearly than you.

The end of a relationship has stages just like grief, guilt, blame anger etc you will probably experience most of these before you are through. Take each step as it comes and go easy on yourself. Use us to rant at as much as you like.

Definitely what the others said about this not being in any way your fault. When you marry someone it's for better or worse, not for how many shags you get in a week.

If it helps at all, since D (now 2y 9m) we've probably only DTD on average once every two or three months. My H has not once complained about the lack of sex because he knows there are reasons for it (similar to yours - PND, long-standing psych issues) and that isn't why he's with me. Your H is being a prize tw*t and I'd quite like to have twenty minutes in a room with him to explain to him exactly why. None of this is down to you and I'm fuming at him for even daring to suggest it's your fault, let alone making you do all the work as I see he is from your other thread. 

I so want to give you a big hug right now.

what slightlmad said. 

WEES.  It wouldn't have made any difference how much you had dtd.

At the moment we have dtd a few times in the last few months and that's pretty normal for us.

Maybe once every other week...or 3 weeks at the moment... I'm so tired with A still waking in the night and not in the mood a lot of the time. x

when I feel happy and secure and like myself,and we feel close...we have sex more.

when I feel down and tired and hes been busy with work/stressed...we have sex less...and starting doing it again is more awkward...and finding the time and energy is hard!

in your instance, if he wanted you to feel that kind of connection with him, maybe he should have made a bit more effort himself to create a mood of relaxation and romance so you could feel close and loved instead of it just being a mission to get laid?

We vary greatly depending on whats going on in our lives at the time. My OH knows he is free to browse the internet and sort himself out if hes bothered by it. It shouldnt ever be used as an excuse for men to misbehave though, they are human beings not animals! Its not your fault and Im sorry you are going through this

mozarella:

actually H reminded me once he didnt have for 6 weeks !

I'm sure he coped for about 16 years without it once and he didn't die. TBH for me and OH sex is off the table at the moment because I hurt too much afterwards. However penetration isn't the be all and end all of anything anyway. We don't even sleep in the same bedroom so sometimes just sleeping together is lovely. But if I'm not in pain or ill or tired or whatever we could ahev sex ten times a day or once every ten weeks. I enjoy sex when I enjoy sex but at the moment don't. Cuddlign on the sofa is fab. Although my OH does have a lower sex drive then me... my brain is wandering in circles on this one...

I think lack of sex, so what... lack of intimacy or affection would kill me. Maybe he is confused between sex and intimacy... but tbh from other things he has said he sounds a twunt who can't take responsibility for his own emotions and would rather lay the blame at someon elses door.

Average of once a week, sometimes less, sometimes more

Normally we'd try to dtd a couple of times a week but its not always possible, so many factors affect it, being tired, busy, ill, can't be bothered - becasue lets face it it's not top of the list all the time - since being pregnant its a lot lot less but its only 9 months out of the rest of our lives together xxx

I'm sorry about your H Mozz x

WSlightlymadS

You're not to blame for this

For us since S has been born I've had a lot of issues, forceps birth and infected stitches and pain still means that we only first attempted to DTD when S was 5 months, complete failure and abandoned attempt and he's had to wait until just this week before I felt comfortable trying again. Yes he moans he wants some and I understand he hates us not having the kind of physical relationship we had, but he would never pressure me and  he wouldn't look elsewhere either.