OT- MIL related- AIBU?

A bit of background- MIL and i haven't got on since she ruined our wedding day but i was trying to build bridges for sake of my H and our LO. About 10 weeks before LO one was born she had a large stroke. She returned home only last week when our LO was 4 days old. IL were originally coming to visit us but obviously with circumstances we are going to them now- Belfast (no date as yet but beginning of august is mentioned).

My problem is since coming out of hospital MIL has been very depressed so much so she isn't eating or really wanting to move. They have got her all doped up as she gets agitated which means she sleeps all the time and is physically having to be dragged anywhere (inc toilet) as she is basically asleep 24/7. FIL is having a bad time and i really want to go over there to support him but i don't want to be going over there to be a carer esp with a LO in tow. It is obviously also costing us quite a bit of money to get there and put our 2 dogs in kennels (this is over £300 alone) and will be our only break. We were anticipating that she wouldn't be 100% but when she was in hospital things were more controlled and yes there were bad times but there were good times too when she could go out to the shops in a wheelchair and so she could actually see and remember the LO visiting which it sounds like she won't do in the state she is in.

I'm also being anticipated to "Dr" over the phone- which is really difficult- i've given them suggestions and told them to get the GP involved but i can just see myself being dragged into it more while i'm there.

AIBU if i suggest we wait until things are settled?

When will they start reducing the sedation so she can be a little more active?

I would wait till then, as I'm not sure she will even know you are there for more than minutes at a time at the moment

Shaz

I'd say it's down to your H, it's his mother and he may want to see her at the moment.  Saying that I doubt having a little baby in the house is going to be particularly conducive to recovery and it may be better for him to go on his own if he does want to see her. 

If it was my MIL, we'd definitely go (but I know other people have different relationships with their families). I'd want to support FIL and also to let MIL see the baby, regardless of how much she'd actually get out of it. It must be horrible for her, going from plans to see her new grandchild when it was born to being incapable of doing so, or helping you out.

What does your H think?

fizl:

When will they start reducing the sedation so she can be a little more active?

I would wait till then, as I'm not sure she will even know you are there for more than minutes at a time at the moment

Shaz

At the moment they aren't as they think it is ok- hence why i have suggested getting the GP to see them.

H is free to go over on his own at anytime (he has done recently). Everyone is expecting us to go over soon but i feel it would be a bit pointless.

We need to finally sit down and discuss it but maybe after the GP has been.

Can H push getting the GP involved?  Rehab is going to be a nightmare if she is that sleepy!  I'm not sure if it is the same all over Ireland, is that where you have to pay to see the GP? If so, is that one of the reasons they are reluctant to call them in, or is it more the whole not wanting to bother the GP.  

I'm very much of the camp that you shouldn't be expected to manage her care, especially with a new born

Shaz