Any of the depression kleek around?

Madwife Nightingale
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  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    Sorry was off dealing with a problematic child. Yes I feel a lot better since being back on the AD's....yet that fact also makes me sad if that makes any sense.I was so gutted not to get to talk to you at the meet...we must try again soon x

    Mum to Amy 22/02/06 Phoebe 11/01/08

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  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    I can relate to everything you have written . I can't stop no but just wanted to say your feelings are normal for pnd. It sucks x but you will get better x I had to have my dose upped after a few weeks I was gutted as it made me feel I would never get better but being on a higher dose worked for me and gradually the bad times got less and less severe and about 6 months on I was feeling pretty much like me again. Big hugs to you x

    Mummy to two beautiful children,  DD born Nov 06 and DS born June 09

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    I don't really know what to say except that I know just how you feel, and I'm choked readinv the replies to see that I'm not alone. I have come to the conclusion that there's no point hoping to come off the ADs, thisis just who I am now-a sort of 75% version of me who needs pills to function and doesn't really feel anything. I really wish I still lived in London, I would so love to meet you and the great girls up there.

    I wanted to go out and change the world but I couldn't find a babysitter.

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    • Memi
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 08-Mar-2006
    • United Kingdom
    • Posts 4,645

    I`ve seen this so late darling but sending a hug & will talk tomorrow Hug

    Isaac Finlay -9th May 2009

    Gracia Mary Elizabeth - 2nd June 2011

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    Oh darling, I know we had a long chat about this the other day and I'm not going to push you.  But I really think it's time to push your GP and ask for an increase in the tablets. 

    And just to say, you are NOT being needy, at all, you're seeking support.  If you can, remember what you kept saying to me when I thought I was needy - you were absolutely right.  So keep talking

    Off to send you a FB mail x

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    Thank you for all the lovely hugs.

    CM, yes I was gutted I didn't get to chat longer at BW too. We will have to meet up again soon and have a proper catch-up! I think I was a bit shell-shocked to be out & about without T!

    Snidge - thank you so much for the FB chat the other night, you've always been there for me unconditionally and it means an awful lot.

    Sorry for the short reply, will reply properly later but didn't want everyone to think I was ignoring them.

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    MM - let me know if you are around anytime and at a loose end, we can talk Shoes! Idea

    LoveMummy to Evie & George Love

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    Happygirl - thank you, that's given me a bit of hope.

    Snowflakemum - Hug It's so horrible isn't it? I feel like I'm a 1% version of me at the moment! And as I said, I'm struggling to even know who 'me' is. I wish you lived in London too - if you're ever down this way again we'll definitely have to meet!

    Memi - Hug

    1stbaby - YHFBM

    I forced myself to go out with H and T this morning. Not feeling great for it, but I guess it's a case of going through the motions as staying in the house doesn't make me feel any better either. Just feel like I want a break from myself nevermind anyone else!

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    Well done for getting out this morning, it's so hard to do that I don't blame you for not entirely enjoying it.  But you did it regardless, and thats the main thing.  Teeny tiny steps remember xxx

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    What Snidget said. I reckon it can be a one tiny baby step forward, five steps backward scenario. And then gradually the steps forward are bigger than the steps backwards.

    Mum to Amy 22/02/06 Phoebe 11/01/08

    Want to follow my Midwifery journey? Read my blog

    http://fromstudenttomidwife.blogspot.com/

     

     

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    I don't think there really was a specific point where things started to get better, it was very very gradual and there were lots of things that helped.

    Anti-depressants allowed me to get through each day.  They enabled me to feel that I could actually get up out of bed in the morning.  They left me feeling rather devoid of all emotions, not just the bad ones, but I can forgive them that because they gave me the time I needed to find a way of dealing with the underlying causes of the PND.

    HYpnotherapy and NLP (Neuro linguistic programming) were hugely instrumental in my recovery, but I think even more importantly was the therapist that I had.  She was (and still is!) amazing.  I think I was incredibly lucky to find someone who I clicked with really well, and I found her style of therapy to be hugely productive.  She was great at explaining to me exactly what was going on in my body and brain, and we concentrated a lot of the physiological aspects of depression and anxiety.  She could explain what all the hormones were doing, and how they were causing me to feel certain things and I found that when I looked at it liek that it all felt so much less scary.

    I also found through the hypnotherapy that I had very severe issues stemming from my own childhood which were influencing my expectations as a parent, and which were causing me to have very unrealistic "goals".  I spent a lot of time (well over a year) dealing with these issues through hypnotherapy, especially timeline work (where you go back to the first ever incident that you can remember in your life where you felt the emotion that is causing the problem).  There were things from when I was just a few years old that came out which really surprised me, but they had obviously had a massive impact on me at the time, and had caused me to carry terrible feelings of guilt and responsibility through my entire life.  My default if anything went wrong was to blame myself, simply because I had been blamed as a young child for way too many things.  It sounds daft, but the therapy allowed me to see those situations through adult eyes, and I was able to tell the little girl back all those years ago that actually it wasn't her fault.

    I guess the turning point would have been when I realised that it wasn't my fault.  That there was no blame to be laid anywhere.  That just because I didn't spend every waking second with my daughter, it didn't make me a bad mum.  That just because I didn't always enjoy the time I spent with my daughter, it didn't make me a bad mum.  That I was a good mum.  Not a perfect one - but then I don't believe such a thing exists!

    Something that my hypnotherapist said to me as well, really stuck in my head.  She asked me one day what sort of things I could imagine doing with Aliya that I would enjoy - what did I want to be doing with her.  I replied that I wanted to do baking, to make cards and craft things, to teach her to knit and cross stitch and sew.  Those were all the things I wanted to do.  Not sit and sing nursery rhymes over and over, or play "peek-a-boo", or have to clean up lunch from every corner of the kitchen.  She then suggested that perhaps there were different stages in our children's lives that we excell at as parents, and other stages that we just have to "get through".  I needed to get through the younger days with Aliya, and would come into my own when she got a bit older.

    She was dead right!

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  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    Ooh, and I forgot:  We aren't particularly near to SE London, but my in-laws are (Greenwich) and we do visit them a few times during the year.  Perhaps the next time we are down we could meet up?

    Sorry, some more things that helped me:  Realising that it was ok to want to go back to work.  That it was ok for Aliya to go to nursery when she was little (she started at 8 months) to give me some time to myself, even if she was there on a day when I didn't need to be working - that was ok.  Far better for her to go to nursery, and then the time she spent with me to be good time, than for her to be with me all the time and for me to be resentful the whole time.

    I also learnt how to not give two hoots what anyone else thought.  As long as Mr S and I were both happy with something, then it was ok.

    And I must also point out that although i've been off the anti-d's now for over 18 months, I have had a few "relapses" which I have dealt with by having a couple of sessions with my therapist each time.  In fact there was one occasion about 3-4 months after I came off them which was so bad I went to the GP and he wrote out a prescription for them again.  I still have that prescription in my kitchen drawer.  I never did need to start on them again, but OMG I was close.  But the times when I feel like it is coming back are stretching further and further apart now, and each one lasts less and less time.  And they always occur at a time when something big is happening, like the death of my FIL, leaving my shop and moving away etc...

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  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    Snidge & CM - you are so right about one step forward, ten back.

    Starstruck - thank you! The hypnotherapy sounds really interesting, how did you find your therapist? All the things you've named you want to do with Aliya - those are the things I'd love to do with T too, so perhaps my parenting skills will improve when he gets older, although I fear he may be the sort who would prefer motor racing or rock clilmbing, eek! I honestly cannot bear reading baby books/singing rhymes over and over and over ad infnitum.

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    Starstruck:

    Ooh, and I forgot:  We aren't particularly near to SE London, but my in-laws are (Greenwich) and we do visit them a few times during the year.  Perhaps the next time we are down we could meet up?

     

    Oh definitely, that would be lovely! Greenwich is really close so give me a shout next time you're down and we'll sort something out. x

  • Re: Any of the depression kleek around?

    I actually found her completely by fluke.  My HV gave me a list of private councelling services that she knew of, and I called the first number on the list.  There was an automated message saying that the service had closed, but it gave another number to ring.  I almost didn't ring it, but decided to in the end and it was the mobile of my therapist.  I ended up crying my eyes out on the phone to her and I think I saw her the next day.  If you want I can ask her how you would go about finding someone that uses the same techniques as she does?

    And oh yes on the baby books front.....bleugh!

    I can't wait til I can take Aliya to a JLS concert - is 4yrs too young? Laugh

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