I'm so angry (but I've made my decision)

I'm just a lurker on here, and would like to add a point from the otherside.

I'm organising my sister's hen night, and so far I've folked out over £100, on deposits mainly, but also a few little things for the 'chicks'.  And when I asked her for the £35 for the do, she only gave me £30! 

She hasn't asked me to be bridesmaid, which I'm gutted about, but even if she had, I wouldn't be able to pay for hair/make-up/dress/shoes, that she would choose.

Just because it's supposed to be a priviledged position it doesn't mean bridesmaids have money to spare!

I agree there should of been some discussion about who was paying for what before hand, and Ithink £25 on invitations is a bit ridiculous anyway!

OMG that is riddiculous! I'm being a bridesmaid for one of my best friends in May this year and I wouldnt dream of asking her to contribute ANYTHING to the hen do. Bridesmaids are supposed to organise the hen do!

My friend is paying for our dresses to be made by the dressmaker (who is making her dress), our jewellry and hair accessories and her mum is going halves with us for our hair/makeup. All we have to pay for is our shoes and the other half of the hair/makeup bill. And obviously the hen do (which is going to be amazing!) I think we were extremely lucky that she is paying for our dress and accessories etc.

I can only assume that she is very skint herself - that is the only reason (although not one I agree with AT ALL) someone would behave in that way to a friend. Or do you think she doesnt know what her duties are as a bridesmaid...?

Just ignore her and hope she doesn't raise the issue again!

cazaragi:

I'm just a lurker on here, and would like to add a point from the otherside.

 

I'm organising my sister's hen night, and so far I've folked out over £100, on deposits mainly, but also a few little things for the 'chicks'.  And when I asked her for the £35 for the do, she only gave me £30! 

 

She hasn't asked me to be bridesmaid, which I'm gutted about, but even if she had, I wouldn't be able to pay for hair/make-up/dress/shoes, that she would choose.

 

Just because it's supposed to be a priviledged position it doesn't mean bridesmaids have money to spare!

 

I agree there should of been some discussion about who was paying for what before hand, and Ithink £25 on invitations is a bit ridiculous anyway!

 

i totally understand what you're saying - i have organised or helped organise 6 or 7 hen weekends for my friends - HOWEVER, we always spread the costs of any "bits" between us, tshirts, dressing up stuff, decorations, whatever - so one of us doesn't get lumbered with shelling out loads of cash and so it's fair for everyone.

we would NEVER ask the bride to pay for anything to do with the hen weekend!!!

Hey girls, having had my Hen, I had a very similar problem with my Bridesmaid. I spoke to her about it and was honest and upfront  - it was the only thing to do.

I thought as was Ok until I asked for her to pay me the £35 deposit for the Hen Weekend and she refused, and said she had never planned to come int he first place!

Moral of the story - there are just some girls out there who aren't meant to be a Bridesmaid!

Hope you all sort you ones out :-)

Omg hoe rude! I would be angry! Hopefully her time will come!

I've not organised a hen night but my oh organised the stag night for his best m8. Oh and other blokes all chipped in to pay for the stags night including drinks (was 2 nights away in Bournemouth with quad biking etc). My oh paid for the hire of his own suit as best man plus 2 nights in hotel for us, travel from e anglia to wales. Oh and 2 mates brought the groom a designer watch between them. We also brought them a wedding present of crystal glasses and champagne.

I personally think that your bridesmaid should stop being stingy, hopefully we only get married once. If she honestly couldnt afford it she should of discussed it with you earlier! That way you could of made the decision about invites etc.

Can you get one of your closer friends who came on the hen do with you to have a word with her? Or speak with them and find out what was mentioned between them all about who pays for what?

I think its ridiculous myself xx

cazaragi:

She hasn't asked me to be bridesmaid, which I'm gutted about, but even if she had, I wouldn't be able to pay for hair/make-up/dress/shoes, that she would choose.

Just because it's supposed to be a priviledged position it doesn't mean bridesmaids have money to spare!

Just to point out though, Gillsy has said that she is paying for their hair / make up / shoes etc so she isn't asking the bridesmaid to spend loads of money.

I think the £25 on invitations is a bit steep and I wouldn't have the cheek to have asked for the £5 deposit!

In saying that though, I as the bride have been the one to lose out money on my hen weekend - paying the booking fees of £2.50 each and making up the short fall for those that couldn't afford the whole amount. For a £155 weekend, I have spent closer to £300. I wouldn't have dreamt of the other people going paying for me.

omg seriously!! that girl has some cheek!! is this the bm that causing you grief?

i agree with what the other girls have said being asked to be a bm is an honor and i think either her or the other hens should chip in to pay the money!

my hen day was a total surprise and the girls paid for all the dressy up stuff, the deccys for in the venues and the first few bottles of champers in our starting venue! when we went for our meal it was all kitty stuff as it cost a fortune! i tried to pay for the champers but they wouldnt let me!......these girls arent even my bm's!!

your bm needs to take a long hard look in the mirror!!

Gillsy are our bridesmaids related????

Seriously I think they could be long lost relatives

I understand that weddings can be expensive for BMs but its sure as he!l not as expensive as it is for the bride & groom.

cazaragi - I take your point but I asked the girls to pay for their own shoes and hair accessories only and gave them free rein to buy whatever they wanted as I wouldn't ask them to buy their own and then tell them what to buy.  I really don't care what they wear on their feet or heads.

For my hen weekend I paid the full amount apart from the beauty treatments on the Friday night which the hens paid for and at my hen dinner next week I will be paying for my meal like everybody else.  I don't expect anybody to pay for me.

Tinkerbelle - yes this is the girl thats been causing me issues.  I am sooooo close to culling her at the moment.

I think my biggest problem with it is that if I were to foot the bill for the invitations for the hen dinner should I not have been asked what I wanted to do???  If I had been then I would have sent an e-mail and phoned people. 

Above all else what disappoints me the most is that this girl is a long standing friend of mine who WAS one of the nicest people you could ever meet and would do anything for you which is one of the reasons I asked her to be BM in the first place.  I am totally stunned and shocked by the change in her over the last year.  Thats whats most upsetting.

Thats soooo cheeky.

Dont let her make you feel bad though.  I wouldnt give it to her just to make her happy. 

xx

well I thought about this all last night and spoke to my OH and I've kinda decided that if I tell her now I don't want her to be BM I'll probably never speak to her again.  I really don't want to never speak to her again as she has been a good friend to me over the years (obviously not the last year though!!!) so for that reason I'm just going to get on with it and after the wedding keep my distance but still keep in touch.

She got married herself 3 years ago and I am really beginning to think its her new husband that has made the change to her personality.  It seems strange that I always found her the same way then all of a sudden shes totally changed.  I could be wrong but seems too much of a coincidence.

As for money issues - her and her husband dine at 5 star restaurants constantly, are always away on holiday and are just back from a Caribbean cruise.

Want to say thank you to all you lovely ladies for listening to me and giving me support.  I honestly couldn't get through these things without you lot!!! xxx

husbands and partners can definitely affect and change friendships. i have had experience of this myself and i would probably say this is the reason gillsy.

like you probably to save an argument or any more stress on my big day i would give her the money and then straight after ask about her caribbean cruise/last 5 star restaurant she went to. although she probably won't get the irony! best of luck xx

Morning Gillsy,

I was so busy at work yesterday so have only just seen this. Im sorry things are so strained with you and you BM, this is probably the last thing you need right now!

I know your feeling slightly better about things this morning but have you spent much time with just her recently? Maybe its worth meeting up in person, just the two of you, to give her the money and see if you can work out what the real reason is behind her asking for it and then go from there? She might open up to you a bit more if its just you guys.

x