Is a child ever too old to be breastfed?

One of my best friends is BF her daughter who will be 3 in June.  She was starting to think about weaning her for her sake so she could take some medication but now she is 6ish weeks pregnant I imagine her milk may change and her LO will self wean.  Before knowing her I would have found this odd at nearly 3 but actually it works well for them and it doesn't feel strange or weird at all.

Personally, I BF until Izzy was just over a year.  I wanted my body back and it was right for us and I would feel strange BF her now but next time I think I will BF for longer.

I think it's a really difficult question.  When I was BFing C as a newborn, I couldn't imagine feeding a toddler, although I definitely wanted to get to 6 months and as 6 months loomed I wanted to get to a year.

When a year came, I didn't want to stop and neither did she.  We're no longer feeding now, she weaned at 19 months probably due to a drop in my supply due to pregnancy and I know I wouldn't have been bothered if I was still feeding her now at almost 21 months.  Yes, she's walking and talking, but she's still a baby n so many ways.

I definitely never imagined feeding her at 4 or 5, but then I've never been in the position to make that decision.

I don't think a child is ever too old. At present I'm in the self-weaning camp.

I like this article about the natural age of weaning (not influenced by societal ideals) http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

And I found this blog post really interesting - breastfeeding in Mongolia, about breastfeeding untouched by western issues, where wrestling prowess is linked to duration breastfed as a child http://indianapolis.momslikeme.com/members/JournalActions.aspx?g=550219&m=7038192

ETA: Conanetta's points have reminded me of something else - I think if I was to become pregnant he might self-wean then (though maybe as a milk monster he wouldn't). My periods returned at 18 months - perhaps if completley natural I would be pregnant again, but we choose to have one child. Self-weaning suits me at the moment 'cos this is my only chance to reduce my risk of cancers, osteoporosis etc.

Personally, I wouldn't want to feed a child beyond 2ish at the latest, but I don't see an issue with people carrying on until whatever age they choose, as long as both mum and child are willing and happy.

There are some really interesting points here!

I fed T til 18 months and was certainly ready to stop then. I can't see me BFing a school-age child, but that was more due to my personal issues of wanting to stop rather than societal issues if that makes sense. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I heard that someone else was doing it at that age though and I think in fact on DW there are people who are feeding school-age children.

The articles that Corinne has posted are fascinating, and actually when I take a step back from it all, it seems more natural to BF an older child than it is to give them cows' milk - after all, cows' milk is the breast milk of another species which when you think of it like that is kind of weird! I'm not sure I like the idea mentioned in the article of going round asking any family member if they want a taste though!

I just think it's all so interesting how different societies view the same things differently.

pinkluvlylady:

my two stopped at 9 months and 7 months of their own accord (quite thankfully on my part as they are early teethers!owwcchh!) I would have happily continued up to 2, but neither of them would have kept still!

I also respect mums continueing past that point...each to their own, but I think it's sad when some parents use BF to keep their child as a baby/ultra close/dependant past a certain stage. IYSWIM, Seen it on house of tiny tear aways  quite a few times.

 

But what harm does it do? I can completely understand why a mum might want to prolong her breastfeeding relationship if she knows she's never going to breastfeed another baby. I can only recall one family in THOTT who wanted to stop breastfeeding their toddler and I think that was as much about sleep issues as it was about breast-feeding.

I don't think breastfeeding a toddler means you're stopping them from growing up, the two things aren't mutually exclusive. Breastfeeding is so much more than nutrition, especially with older children and I think that it's such a good tool to use when dealing with all the growing up and changing that pre-schoolers have to do.

I genuinely wouldn't have a problem feeding my children at 4/5/6 etc, and just want to get my pom poms out for those mamas who do breastfeed for a long time, not because I think they're better mothers because of it, but because they're flying in the face of popular opinion.

Before having L I thought breastfeeding past a year was a bit strange and when a child could ask for milk for weird!  Now L is 14 months and asks for milk I have had to reassess that idea.  I am happy feeding L.  He is a bit obsessed at the moment as he has been unwell and points at my boobs and asks for milk constantly!  I don't have strong feelings either way about when  to stop really.  I would like my boobs back now and be able to have a bit of me of me back but then again he is happy so I am happy and I hope he self weans before 2.

I don't know where my personal line is - all I know is that it's likely to change!  When R was born, if I was asked to put an age on it, I'd have said "maybe when she can walk over and ask me for it".  But really, she does that now - OK, so she crawls into my lap and pulls my breast out rather than walking and politely verbalising her request - but now I see no difference, and I think it'll be really sweet when she asks.  I was with a friend's 21 month old last week who pointed and said "boobs" (she's still having an evening BF) and her mum had to explain that yes they were boobs, but that she couldn't have any.  Actually, she'd have been welcome - that's something else that has disappeared now I am an actual BFer - any feeling that it would be odd to feel another woman's child.  But that's another thread!

I just don't know when I think you "should" stop - but I'm certain that my view will get later as R gets older.

I don't think you can stop a baby from growing up by breastfeeding the, longer than this society is used to.  R is 14 months, and seems quite grown up among her peers, in terms of her independence, wandering off without me, not clinging, willingness to try new things, eating skills (though not quantity) - but her cutlery waving surpasses her friends.  So I don't think I'm holding her back for any selfish reasons <shrugs>

MarineGirl:

 Actually, she'd have been welcome - that's something else that has disappeared now I am an actual BFer - any feeling that it would be odd to feel another woman's child.  But that's another thread! 

Now that would be another very interesting thread!

My personal line certainly changed. Initially I never planned to go beyond 6 months, then that turned into a year before we finally stopped at a year and a half. I would have been ready to stop at a year but he still very much needed it at that stage so we carried on. T didn't self-wean as he needed a nudge from me, but was certainly ready to wean.

I also don't think you can stop a baby from growing up by BFing longer. After all, the baby isn't aware of societal pressures and is only doing what comes naturally and instinctively to them.

I never really thought about how long I want to do it for. Phoebe is now 2 years 2 months and still going strong. She'd feed all day and all night if she could. We did recently night wean her as I felt it was disturbing her sleep as well as mine and actually she's coped fine with it. Soon I will be aiming to reduce her day feeds in preparation for me being at Uni but I've been away all day from her before and it's not been an issue.

I actually hate the concept that I could be still feeding her for my pleasure. .... at the moment it's boring, it's relentless, it's uncomfortable as she climbs all over me and I'd really like her to reduce her feeds. You might wonder why I don't stop? Well because she doesn't eat very well, and I know she's getting lots of important nutrients and vitamins through me. I also know she gets a lot of comfort from it and important time with me. I couldn't force her to feed...if she doesn't want milk there is nothing I can do about it.

I will let Phoebe self wean....when she is ready.

chunky monk:

  Soon I will be aiming to reduce her day feeds in preparation for me being at Uni but I've been away all day from her before and it's not been an issue.

CM, you have far more extended BF experience than me, but just to share my experience... R started nursery at 12 months.  She hadn't dropped any feeds prior to that - would feed throughout the day - at least 2 'proper' feeds (excluding morning and bed time) and quite often just dipped in for a nibble.  I offered her milk in a cup (expressed and cow) and she just wasn't interested.  So I thought - sod it, I'm not losing out on feeds that I *want* to do, in preparation.  She was just fine her first day at nursery, and whilst I'd expected her to claw at my breasts on pick up, she was happy to wait til we got home.  She's been going for about 2 months now (not always full days) and not once has she been 'desperate' for a feed on pick up.  And plenty of days when she's not in, she no longer asks for a feed - although will take a nibble if offered.  So I wouldn't worry too much about getting her feeds reduced because of Uni, she'll adapt I think.  So exciting that you're going so soon now!

Corinne - thanks for the links, I just enjoyed both of those, especially the second one!

Thanks MG - that is really reassuring. If I've been out, even just for an afternoon, when I get back she immediately grabs her muslin and doggies ready for a feed. I actually really like that, it's like getting a lovely cuddle as soon as I get home. I think the reduction in availability will perhaps be good for her, as then she might get a bit more interested in food. She's not at all interested in milk, of any variety, in a cup so i won't be aiming to leave any for her

I am more than sure that she will cope fine...she seems to cope very well with change. I am more worried about Amy than her and in theory she should "need" me less...

Those articles are fantastic Corrine

MarineGirl:

I don't know where my personal line is - all I know is that it's likely to change!  When R was born, if I was asked to put an age on it, I'd have said "maybe when she can walk over and ask me for it".  But really, she does that now - OK, so she crawls into my lap and pulls my breast out rather than walking and politely verbalising her request - but now I see no difference, and I think it'll be really sweet when she asks.  I was with a friend's 21 month old last week who pointed and said "boobs" (she's still having an evening BF) and her mum had to explain that yes they were boobs, but that she couldn't have any.  Actually, she'd have been welcome - that's something else that has disappeared now I am an actual BFer - any feeling that it would be odd to feel another woman's child.  But that's another thread!

I just don't know when I think you "should" stop - but I'm certain that my view will get later as R gets older.

I don't think you can stop a baby from growing up by breastfeeding the, longer than this society is used to.  R is 14 months, and seems quite grown up among her peers, in terms of her independence, wandering off without me, not clinging, willingness to try new things, eating skills (though not quantity) - but her cutlery waving surpasses her friends.  So I don't think I'm holding her back for any selfish reasons <shrugs>

I'm in the camp of whatever makes mum and child happy, although I can't imagine bfing past 2/3yr, but that's cos I've not been there.  Like a few others have said when I had Abigail I couldn't imagine still bfing at a year but we bf until 14m, with Lily I would have loved to have bf until at least 2 but sadly it wasn't meant to be.  I do still feel a bit of sadness that I prob won't ever bf again, seems a shame, I seemed to have a knack for it too

Just to add to MG bit in bold, this is something I've found too, previous to having children the idea of bfing someone elses baby would have seemed odd, but now I'd be completely open to the idea, sadly in out society it's never likely to happen, which is a shame when you think how much easier it could make life with a newborn!

Funny this thread should come up - my mum bought me a few magazines the other day and there was an article in one of them of a woman who was still BF her 14 year old, which I do think is a bit extreme......

He goes to high school, and comes home to get his milk as an afternoon 'snack'. the mum said that she tried to wean him at school age, then at 9, but he cried and cried so they still have a daily feed. They have apparently agreed that by 15 he should stop though.

I find this a little odd cos surely by 14 he views breasts in a slightly different context...........