Not inviting kids - shoot me now!

louisep:

my h2b and i do not have any children of our own and we have a strict NO CHILDREN rule, we are not putting anything in the invitations to this effect but friends of ours who have children have already asked and when we have told them no children we have had no trouble at all, most have already arranged their babysitters and are looking forward to our wedding.

 

however!!! i do think it should be an all or nothing rule, ie, either have them or not, if i had children and they were not invited to a wedding that other children were invited to i would be pretty narked and this is where i think you would have trouble, especially with family.

 

dont know if this has helped x x

 

i don't think the "all or nothing" thing is possible in real life (certainly not for my wedding) i have a son - no way he's not coming!! also my neice and nephew who are under 3 - all of our family will be at wedding so no one to leave them with for the weekend (they are both under 3 so could hardly leave them with babysitter for 2 days and nights!). same goes for my 2 goddaughters, all of their family will be at my wedding so again who would they be left with??!

logistically we could not have all of our friends and family's kids there as there literally would be double the number of children as adults!

Reading the rest of the posts I agree with Swampy and Saracroft.

Also although some mums go back to work at 2 weeks it is very very rare, but I do think it is selfish and unfair to expect any mother to leave their young baby (especially who are only 2-3 weeks) for the whole day even if bottle feeding.

It does make me sad when I see that people think it is easy to leave a newborn baby but I suppose if you have never had a baby then you are not to understand. No way would I have left a 3 week old baby but luckily none of my friends would have expected me too. 

If I had received an invitation to a wedding when my children were babies then I would have declined, even for my closest friend. My baby was more important than any wedding and I think people have to appreciate that. I would never have made the bride and groom feel guilty though, the same as I would hope that they would not make me feel guilty for thinking more of my baby than there wedding.

To the original poster if you are clear about it from the start I doubt anyone will question you and ask if they can bring their child  and I am sure most people will understand your reasons.

Genuine question here - what would you do if you were in my situation - e.g. 8 babies between 6 and 18 months - would you really be happy?

emsa1:

i don't think the "all or nothing" thing is possible in real life (certainly not for my wedding) i have a son - no way he's not coming

obviously it is different if you have children of your own, it is such a difficult subject and i think that no matter how hard people try and please everyone someone will always be upset about thier children not being invited, family or friend.

my honest opinion is no, i would not be happy and thats why we have a NO CHILDREN rule, however we have no children or neices or nephews so unfortunately everyones situation is different.

I agree that 99.9% of mothers do not go back to work when their baby is 2 weeks old. Many take a whole year or longer off work! If I was invited to a wedding without my newborn, I would not be going to the wedding. When mine were little I hardly went as far as the corner shop without them!

 However age 6-18 months is different. It is a very awkward stage. They can scream if you try and put them in a highchair, they want to run around in the ceremony and run under the oldies' feet. I would say invite any under 6 months (unless you know that they regularly already stay with grandparents etc), but don't invite the 8 bigger babies. Be prepared for people to be put out though, if their 7 month baby isn't invited and then they see a 5 month old baby there!!

brideseekingblush:

Genuine question here - what would you do if you were in my situation - e.g. 8 babies between 6 and 18 months - would you really be happy?

I had children to my wedding ( they never made a sound so nothing was ruined) so yes I would be happy. I would be happier them being there than have my guests having to choose between the two and worrying about leaving there baby who they may never have left before. I would personally just get the ushers to have a word with them when they went in asking that if baby gets upset they take them outside (although most parents would do this anyway).

If it were me personally I would make allowances for each child. There is a big difference between a 6 month old and an 18 month old.

It is easier for some to leave an 18 month old and to be fair they are far harder to entertain and noisier than a smaller baby who chances are will sleep though most of it (my 2 went to weddings at 5 months and 7 months and never made a sound even at the meal). I would also test the water with the mums, some of whom may be happy to leave their baby especially if not breastfed. 

However, in your case being as you are worried about them spoiling it and really don't want them there then I suppose you know your friends and what they would be happy with but don't be surprised/upset if some people decline the invite.

Ha! Thanks - the sub-6 months rule is a pretty good idea. I think we'll have one 4 month-er but the rest are all older.

OH's nephew/niece will be a month, and they'll of course be there - but am hoping people will understand that!

We are only having family kids and even that totals 10!

I just told our friends bluntly. all were fine, then my friend was clearly trying to test the water the other day buy saying 'I wonder if I should bring my kids along for the evening?! ' - she desnt want them 'missing out'. I pointed out I wanted her to relax and DONT WANT kids skidding over the dance floor, it was as if although they were invited to the day it was an open invite for the evening

swampytiggaa:

Mrs Spink to be!:

  There is always the breastfeeding mother senario, but surely the baby won't die if they got expressed milk for one night given by their nan! Or mother goes home between church and sit down meal and evening!

 

 

it isn't always that simple - i have breastfed all of my children and none of them have taken a bottle - plus expressing is difficult painful and unpleasant for some people so not always possible.  In addition if you are feeding a small baby regularly then you will get engorged and uncomfortable if you don't for a day.

Personally if my breastfed baby hadn't been invited to a wedding then i wouldn't have gone - regardless of who's wedding it was.

Can I just add that I've breastfed both my 2 boys (just finished bf my second who's 1 next week) and I totally agree with the above. Expressing isn't always an option and if you don't express (or feed) your boobs get very painful, especially in the early days! Missing one feed is bad enough, but any more would be a nightmare in my experience! And it can also lead to mastitus...

Anyway, I digress! We had the same problem with children - 30 kids here too! I spoke to all my friends individually and said i was really sorry but due to numbers we just couldn't invite the children (other than family). I did say that any babies were welcome though, as it's actual bums on seats that's the issue with our venue.

I reckon most people are fine with not being able to bring their kids to a wedding, my friends with kids say it means they can enjoy the wedding, I think new born baby is different and people should understand. If they don't it's tough really!! We have said no kids at our wedding, but have mede one exception for a friend whose baby will be 2 months old. XOXOXOXO

I havent been able to read all replies, but my take on this is this (and I have a 18mth old son)

It is your wedding day and you are completly within your right to invite or not invite children... However I will be honest and say unless the mother of a young child (talking babies here) is veery selfish I highly doubt anyone would end up with a screaming child at their wedding because if happened to me for instance I would go outside until the child was calm...

Another thing that needs to be taken into consideration is that alot of mothers who are bfing may REALLY want to come to your wedding but cannot because their child won;t take a bottle, i just speaking generally here but I guess like someone else said just take each case as it comes, if anyone is annoyed because one could and the other one couldnt well then its tough reallly...

x

brideseekingblush:

people go back to work when the baby is 2 weeks so I can't see that they can't leave them with someone for the day.

As others have said, this is really really rare though IMO. I have only heard of one person I know who has done this and she was a partner of a law firm so very career focused and has a nanny living with them!! I had only just escaped from hospital 2 weeks after giving birth!!

I couldn't have left either of mine under a few months.  However, I could have left them for a few hours when they were a little older - Ethan took a bottle from about 9 months, and Ysella ate well from about 7 months, so from that point I could have left them for about 6 hrs at a time.

However, it's your wedding, and if you don't want children there (of any age) then it's entirely your choice. If people decide that they can't leave their kids for a few hours, for whatever reason, then as long as you're ok with their decision, then they shouldn't hold you responsible for that.

I think your guests with young children would really appreciate your effort and thought if you give them a quick call to explain your decision though. Just that it's due to restrictions on numbers and, while a few tiny babies will be there, and close family children, that's all. I certainly wouldn't object to this, and I'd be surprised if anyone did, to be honest.