Not inviting kids - shoot me now!

Thank you soooooooo much peeps - you have really calmed and soothed my nerves!

I need to just have a bit of self belief, know we're not doing anything wrong and leave any difficult people to it.

I appreciate the 'take us all or not at all' theory - each to their own, but it isn't fair being funny with the people getting married about it - it's fine not to come, just don't make people feel guilty for extending an invite and not being able to afford 30 kids at £40 a head!!

Thanks again lovely one's, must stay strong! x

lamby:

I appreciate the 'take us all or not at all' theory - each to their own, but it isn't fair being funny with the people getting married about it - it's fine not to come, just don't make people feel guilty for extending an invite and not being able to afford 30 kids at £40 a head!!

 

Lamby, if I was me, I wouldn't make you feel bad, I would simply decline the invite  or as a compromise ask if we could all come as a family to your eve reception instead

brideseekingblush:

We have the same issue - we have about 8 friends who would have kids between 3-18 months old. We're just going to contact those direct when we send out the invites, saying "sorry, we can't be doing with all those babies" (I may phrase it slightly better than this). So, yet, I do think you should mention babies directly as well.

 

We may have to put up with one of the friends bringing as they live in Italy and grandparents are in italy/france, but I think people have to understand.

 

Our wedding is near enough our friends that they can be back that evening, so don't have to leave babies overnight.

 

ps this really made me laugh out loud! I feel it's a no no to say don't want noisy babies but I like your style and it is the truth (as much as I love them usually!) how are you going to word it do you think?! I'd like to think I wouldn't be precious about it if it was my baby and would be more likely mortified if the little one did start howling at an important bit!

I'm a mother and if someone didn't invite my boys, but just me and OH I'd thank them profusely. However, do not underestimate the impact of breastfeeding and hormones. It would have been physically impossible for me to leave either of mine at two weeks. The natural instinct is to stick to your children for the first few months of life - the reality of leaving your newborn with anyone is very difficult. 

Lamby - it is your choice not to invite children. Just make it very clear, don't be subtle, and those who want to decline can do so. BTW, if your venue is charging £40 a head for a kids meal they are insane. Even the greediest of children would find three courses too much.

emmy1979:

I'm a mother and if someone didn't invite my boys, but just me and OH I'd thank them profusely. However, do not underestimate the impact of breastfeeding and hormones. It would have been physically impossible for me to leave either of mine at two weeks. The natural instinct is to stick to your children for the first few months of life - the reality of leaving your newborn with anyone is very difficult. 

 

Thanks - yes I totally agree there - my boyfriend's worry was that someone would moan about a little one being there when their kids weren't but it's totally different with a newborn espec coming from canada! I was getting caught up in people being funny but I know I wouldn't at all about something like that, have just had a funny experience so far I guess but hopefully from now on I'll get nice understanding reactions!!

I'd just speak to friends with kids and explain beforehand that you are only inviting family children then address the invitation to X and Y. This is what we did and no one had a problem. If there was a major problem if they really didn't have anyone to look after them then we would have just thought about it on a case by case basis.

The exception we had was babies under a year old and those being breastfed. You really can't expect a BFing mum to be separated from her baby. Not all babies will take a bottle so some literally wouldn't eat all day and would be screaming for food until mum came home.

From a guest's point of view, when I was due with my baby last year we had a wedding to go to (H was best man) when Ruby was 5 weeks old. I had planned to BF (but it didn't work out) but R was not invited. We were an hour away from home and were told we had to get a coach and I was not allowed to drive (to get home to my baby in an emergency) as my car would ruin the photos. It was the most stressful part of my pregnancy and I had sleepless nights about it as H was BM and if BF had worked out then I wouldn't have gone full stop. As it was I was comfortable leaving R with my mum for the last part of the day and evening (me and a friend who had a 3 week old baby drove up!) but many mums at 4 weeks would not leave their baby so you may risk some people not coming.

Could you put a year limit on it so that can be your answer if people ask if you feel you have to justify it? TBH if people moan about a tiny baby who is breastfed being there, they need to grow up! Also, from experience, I doubt you will notice any baby crying and the parents will (should!) take them outside if they are being noisy. Most little babies will be sleeping. It will be the 4 year olds running up and down the ailse and their parents trying to "shh" them that you will hear! lol

Our situation is slightly different as we have children of our own, however if we invited our friends and family to bring their children we would have 82 kids there from 18months to 15 years old its just not possible its a wedding not a kids party

We are only inviting our close familys children 3 neices, 6 nephews, 1 great neice, 1 great nephew my 2 sisters and my brother who are under 15 plus our own kids that 16 18 month -15yr olds which is enough

We are going to put a not in the relevent invitations explaining the situation and if people dont want to come without their kids then thats a shame, but if we invite 1 we will have to invite them all and thats just not going to happen

I understand not wanting kids in general at a wedding, but I think it would be very unlikely for a mother to separate from a newborn - I'm not a mum myself but from watching friends and family, Its near impossible to be away from a newborn for more than an hour if that -  I would not expect them to come at all.

Hi

I spoke to everyone who had children and explained that we could only cater for the children in the wedding party and those children whose parents were coming from abroad.

I think you may have to accept that if you are asking mum's to leave their newborns that they probably won't come, breast feeding or not. When my son was born I couldn't leave him for a second, it's instinct and no matter how important to me a friend would be, I wouldn't/couldn't have left him. My son was almost 8 months old before I would even leave him with my parents and then I was on the phone every hour !!

its your wedding day so what you say goes. some people might be offended so you will have to expect this. Before i had a baby i was completely with you but i was invited to a wedding when my baby was one month old of a close friend who had the same rule (no kids) but she let us bring him. he was a nightmare in the church so we took him out and missed the ceremony but at least it wasn't disturbed but then he slept through the rest of the day woke to be fed then slept again then we left at about 8. 

i'm leaving my friends (most who have kids) with the choice for themselves so they can bring them if they want but am sure none of them will bring them as they all like to have a drink or two and i know weddings i have been too now my baby is older i have always left him with my mum so i can relax when am there.

i have young nieces and nephews who are taking part in the wedding so they will all be there.

weddings are about families and love children are full of love and the sign of a couples love for each other plus they are so funny but if you dont want them there that is up to you and don't let it bother you if someone chooses to fall out with you bout it. plus if you choose to let a young baby be there am sure the other mums and dads will understand as they will remember what it was like to have such a young baby.

hope this helps o yeah and i don't think it is rude or cheeky just try and think of being in there shoes some people's lives are their kids so being told they arent invited could offend them it wouldn't offend me but everyones different lol x

my situation is almost identical to yours frizzball. have got our own child coming and then my neice & nephew and my 2 goddaughters all of which are under 5 and will be involved in the wedding,flowergirls etc. but if i also invited every child that belongs to our guests i would have more kids there than adults and it'd be bedlam

my friends won't have a problem with us not inviting their children (think they'll be glad of an adult day and night out) i just have to hope OH's side of the family are ok about it too!

NB i have never taken my child to a wedding, even when he has been invited as he would be terribly bored and hes not one for staying up late which would mean  us leaving the evening do at about 7pm!

I would put a note in with the invite. What you have put is fine but personally I don't like the joke. I don't see time away from my children as freedom - if I wanted that I would not have had children, and personally I like going to big occasions with my children.

As for the babies I would put something on the invites about it but remember depending on the age they may need a highchair (6 months plus) also remember that babies come with rather large pushchairs which will need placing by the tables near to the parents.

I personally would word it

Unfortunately, due to being very limited on numbers, we have had to decide to only invite babies under 12 (or change number) months and family children to our wedding. We hope you understand and are able to celebrate with us on our Big Day.

I would leave it like that and put no joke in.

Remember though when thinking about the age of babies that some 8/9 month old babies are still breastfed so mum will not be able to leave them all day if this is the case. I know even at 10 months I would have been unable to leave my child for the whole day.

lamby:

 

ps this really made me laugh out loud! I feel it's a no no to say don't want noisy babies but I like your style and it is the truth (as much as I love them usually!) how are you going to word it do you think?! I'd like to think I wouldn't be precious about it if it was my baby and would be more likely mortified if the little one did start howling at an important bit!

Hmm - well all the people are good friends, so I'm going to say "guys, much as we love xx between them our friends have 8 babies between 6 and 18 months old - and we're terrified of a maelstrom of screams and tears, so if there's anyone you can leave xx with someone else for the ceremony/meal we'd be really grateful."

That way if anyone gets absolutely stuck they can tell us - but tbh it will ruin my day if I have babies screaming right the way through my wedding - people go back to work when the baby is 2 weeks so I can't see that they can't leave them with someone for the day.

having read through all the replies it's obvious everyone has wildly differing opinions on the subject!!! this has helped me too actually as i think as well as just wording my invites to mr & mrs X (which i was originally going to do)  i will also follow up with a personal conversation/phone call etc to all invitees with kids just to clarify why we aren't inviting everyone's kids so as to save any confusion and hopefully save any upset!

my h2b and i do not have any children of our own and we have a strict NO CHILDREN rule, we are not putting anything in the invitations to this effect but friends of ours who have children have already asked and when we have told them no children we have had no trouble at all, most have already arranged their babysitters and are looking forward to our wedding.

however!!! i do think it should be an all or nothing rule, ie, either have them or not, if i had children and they were not invited to a wedding that other children were invited to i would be pretty narked and this is where i think you would have trouble, especially with family.

dont know if this has helped x x