sn-itchit: Thanks MG - Ethan never actually fed properly in the first place and I was expressing, so I would probably be forced to go down that route.
It's really hard - so much of my PND is related to my failure at BFing. This partly feels like another chance, but also another chance to fail
one day you will stop beating yourself about it, I hope that day comes soon 
From everything I've heard about relactation, it is really difficult to do. Tell me to stop sticking my nose in if you like, but I think it's a potentially worrying path to take, trying to do something so difficult to 'make up' for a perceived failure. You didn't fail, I know it's a bit slogan-y, but you only fail if you don't even try. God knows you tried The lovely lovely thing about breast milk is that every feed matters, and the ones that matter most are the earliest ones. You succeeded at feeding Ethan with breastmilk. You succeeded at feeding him many of the earliest most important feeds that way. You succeeded in all that up against far greater odds than other women face. If you're looking for other chances to succeed... you don't even have to look for future ones - you have many others since he was born that you should be counting. You have a happy and loved little baby, for whom you have tried your hardest since, and that is a success. Have a look at relactation info if you want, and definitely contact a professional if you're thinking about doing it. But don't ever think you need to do it to be a success, because you are success already in a hundred other mummy things