How did you know that your family was 'finished'? (Deciding to have a third)

So Emma is only 10 weeks old but nearly all I can think about is the fact that she could well be my last baby and how sad that makes me feel. I can't really explain to H though why I'd like 3 children. His response is that I have a healthy boy and a girl, what more do I want?  Logically I know that 2 would be easier in terms of practicalities and finance but my heart says 3. I think coming from a small family myself whereas H is from a large family changes our perspectives somewhat. It doesn't help that I found pregnancy quite easy and had straightforward labours. Likewise, I'm finding Emma quite an easy baby so I don't have any difficult memories or experiences to put me off a third!! Do you think this feeling will go away once E gets bigger? (I keep hoping that it's just hormonal and will pass) What are the good reasons/positives of having a third? If E had been a boy, then that would have made my decision easier but obviously she's not! Is anyone else in this boat? It seems such a silly thing to be thinking about when E's so little, almost like I don't appreciate her, but it's really weighing on my mind.

 

I still don't know and really want a 3rd.   Not sure it will ever be practical though

Love your pic!

I was as broody as hell immediately after I had J and was so sure I wanted a third. However just recently I have changed my mind (baby 2 is 15 mths) and tbh a huge part is now my head is ruling my heart - the boys are getting bigger, M will be at school next year and then J in 2013, I just feel that getting some financial independence back is a huge thing for us, the thought of having to splurge more money on childcare for more years is not appealing any more! It doesn't all come down to money, but I think we can offer the 2 boys we have more than we could offer 3 children. Also my age, I am almost 37 as it is and would be 40 before I had any more if we were going to. It feels very good I must say to know I don't want any more rather than just feeling I shouldn't have any more iyswim. Not much help probably but just wanted to say I felt just the same and it has finally passed!

I was as broody as hell immediately after I had J and was so sure I wanted a third. However just recently I have changed my mind (baby 2 is 15 mths) and tbh a huge part is now my head is ruling my heart - the boys are getting bigger, M will be at school next year and then J in 2013, I just feel that getting some financial independence back is a huge thing for us, the thought of having to splurge more money on childcare for more years is not appealing any more! It doesn't all come down to money, but I think we can offer the 2 boys we have more than we could offer 3 children. Also my age, I am almost 37 as it is and would be 40 before I had any more if we were going to. It feels very good I must say to know I don't want any more rather than just feeling I shouldn't have any more iyswim. Not much help probably but just wanted to say I felt just the same and it has finally passed!

I don't know either.  We have a girl (6) and a boy (9 months) and it would be easier like you with regards to financial issues and we only have a 3 bedroom house so if the next one was a girl she would have to share with E, who would be 7ish, she likes the idea of it but I doubt she would when she was a teenager, but even all that isn't enough to put me off having another one. 

I can't see myself never having another baby, but H really wants another one aswell so we have decided to try again in the summer unless these feelings go away.

I think I know.  I can't say I wouldn't like another baby, I loved pregnancy but did struggle with the newborn days.  However, realistically, with H working away Monday to Friday every week, I just don't see it working.  My two get on so well and we have a really good time together and I'd worry how a third would affect the family dynamic.  I consider myself to be extremely lucky and am so grateful for my two.  I know H would let me have another if I really wanted but I am certain that we won't be planning any more!

Its hard isn't it? I'm just about to give birth to number two and can well imagine I'll be feeling like you.  I'd love to know that we were "done" at two so emotionally I can appreciate the passing of each stage and let it go somehow.  With my last days of having a bump I'm sitting wondering if I'll ever have a bump again <sob>.  If babies turned up without a pregnancy and labour (or with really really easy ones) and a little pot of money I'd have lots more, or at least another one I think.. But this pregnancy hasn't been easy and 3 seems to make such a jump in terms of practicalities. All I can do I think is  focus on the here and now, cherish each day like you are and let the future work itself out- if we did have another it would be a bigger gap I'm sure this next time.

I can understand you thinking about it- esp at this stage , I remember my hormones and broodiness being crazy around the 3 months post birth mark It doesn't sound like you are not appreciating what you've got to me,  it sounds more like adoring what you've got and realising how wonderful and precious it is.

I feel the same.  I felt broody early on with Jack and we conceived Poppy when he was nearly 7mths!  All through her pregnancy I've been a bit sad when I've thought that this would be my last etc.  She's now 13 or 14 wks (bad mummy can't remember!) and even from the day she was born I've thought about how I'd like another child!  My H would love more too. However, we feel that we can offer 2 so more emotionally and financially.  Once I am back at work in about 3-4 years we'll be in a very good financial position.  With just 2 children we don't need a bigger car or house. Holidays are easier and cheaper.  Days out, meals out and general expenditure is cheaper etc.  It feels awful to base it all on finances, but it'd be awful to  have another and struggle etc.  I also feel that we have a lovely family unit and would worry about how another would effect the family dynamics.  Jack and Poppy are close together in age, just 15.5mths apart, and I don't feel I could have another baby so close together and it seems unfair to have 2 close together and then one further apart who will straight away, by virtue of their age, be apart from their siblings in a way.  The only way around that would be to have another 2, but we just don't think we can afford 4!  H does say that if we win the lottery we can have more as he'd love more too!

I loved being pregnant, although I did find it harder with POppy due to sore hips etc and being very tired, so I keep reminding myself of hard it was at times in the hope that it helps the broodiness go away.  tbh I wonder whether I'd still feel the same even if we had another and am hoping that if I ride it out these feelings will pass and I move on to the next stage of my life where we can enjoy more freedom financially and more time for myself etc as Jack and Poppy become more independant etc.

I've been pondering on that a lot lately.

I have 2 kids, the youngest is 6 months old. Two of my closest friends are now pregnant, both with their 3rd child. I am delighted for them but recently I have felt a little pang when meeting them, talking about scans, kicks, buying things for the baby... And I thought I was broody, but I don't think I am anymore, I am just a bit sad that all that is all behind me. I loved being pregnant, loved giving birth (to my 2nd, if I had had internet access when pg with my 1st I would have had a much much better experience), I love the newborn days and all baby related stuff. I am a bit nostalgic of the excitement, the BFP, the baby kicking, the birth, the discovering your baby just after he/she was born, the telling people etc... But another child? No, I don't really want one. I am 31, so I have time, and OH is 40 so not too old either, but I see my 2 children and am happy. So is H.

I think any woman can have 12 children and still feel sad when they are finished.

I hope this made sense, hard to put how I feel into words.

Maryline - that is a lot like how I feel.  I feel like I want another, but really I think it's the excitement and anticipation of waiting for this new little person to arrive, how special you feel whilst pregnant and during the newborn weeks and then the wonder of seeing this little helpless baby transform and grow into a toddler etc.  I don't think having another child or even several will stop me feeling like I want more. 

We have bitten the bullet and I'm pregnant with number 3...my other kids are nearly 5 and 3

I come from a big family (I am the second eldest of 5 kids), so even after our second son was born I knew I'd want more...because the family just doesn't feel complete!

I would like my children to grow up in a situation where they benefit from having each other throughout their lives...but not to have so many kids that they ever feel left out or neglected.

I must admit though, having two boys has made me really want a girl...but there are no guarantees this one will be!

Hubby says this is the last one...but we'll see...I am hoping it will be,because I don't want to have 5 kids like my mum did. (4 would be my max)

we had always said we'd have 2 children.  Then I had the Eleanor experience which almost made me want to stop at 1.  However no 2 is cooking and doing better than she did thus far and I'm not enjoying being pregnant that even if i make it to term I don't think I could put myself through it again.

our family will most definitely complete after this one.

 

1.

Thanks for all the replies. I've just written a long reply (twice) and lost it (twice) so I'll just summarise by saying that I'm pleased I'm not alone. Most of you really understand how I feel. It is practicalities that rule my head and I really need to put the children I already have first. I think it is also nostalgia/excitement etc etc that I wish would last forever. Hopefully, like roobarb, this feeling will eventually pass and i'll be happy to settle at 2.